To think that libraries should be more understanding of young families?

[cyanarasamba]

My sister fessed up at her local library that her 18 month old DS had destroyed 3 board books while her back was turned. Not something he'd shown any signs of before, normally quite happy to sit and "lift flaps" etc.

She was very much put on the spot and told she should pay £15 to cover the cost - money she didn't have and won't have without a few weeks of saving. Also given a lecture on "her responsibilities" as a parent supervising young children etc. While I might have responded in kind, my sister is a senstive soul and left close to tears.

Now she won't go near the place which seems a real shame - both children got so much out of visiting, her DD is six and very bright and normally borrows a lot. Surely some kind of "two strikes" system might be appropriate, or at least a little more sympathy to families?

I am considering drafting a letter for her to the library, would you think these sort of comments appropriate to include?

Tone might have been a bit harsh and I think the lecture was quite unneccessary as she was being asked to pay. I think £15 would have driven the point home.

But in principle the fine was OK. The books have to be replaced. I've had to pay for a book in my time when my bottle of water leaked all over it in my bag. Once got away with a child board book because it was fairly old and tatty already.

Generally I didn't take books out for my DCs when they were very small for the simple reason that I know how destructive some DCs can be. I'd rather they trashed their own books if they are going to. But I did go often to read to them in the library. Once they were about 4 I let them borrow books.

I think that allowing a child to damage 3 books is excessive. Parents have a certain degree of responsiblity. Surely an 18 month old baby should be better supervised? With the right to borrow books comes the responsiblity to look after them.

At our library it is the discretion of the librarian whether parents pay for a book that is damaged. For example we lost one book and had to pay for it. Another time my son physically threw up over a book and the library decided not to charge us for the book.

I think that your sil needs to grow up. A libary is a resource for everyone. If her brats children wreck every book they borrow then no one else will be able to use them.

Our county libraries have an explicit policy that accidental damage to preschooler books does not have to be paid for, there are signs up to explicitly inform parents about this.
Personally I would still offer something if 3 books had been chewed to bits, but that's easy for me to say since I can afford it.
DD recently puked on a book and I cleaned it well and returned it without saying anything .

My Ds2 damaged a library book years ago as a toddler and i can still remember being lectured by the librarian, i'd offered to pay for it, and he'd said Sorry ! but she still harped on and on about it (and i did pay for the replacement) - I did use that particular libary a lot less after that, though we did move a couple of years later.

Thanks for all your comments, will be helpful in drafting an appropriate letter - will focus on their attitude rather than the fine itself.

I'm frustrated with her myself at her response re avoiding the place - stemming from humiliation I believe - but I suppose if you're low on money and confidence this may seem a reasonable course of action.

My darling nephew likes to start his day at 4:30am at the moment so I don't like to question her parenting skills too much. Maybe she popped to the loo, maybe she was making a cuppa? It's possible she was sitting right by him but temporarily lost consciousness...

What is the approved MN length of time for not supervising your toddler in what you consider to be a safe room in your home? It's nil isn't it? Nuff said I suppose, no excuses.

A library won't be for everyone for long if bad tempered librarians scare the punters off!

Such a small % of population use public libraries, esp young children, we need all we can get. Sorry, but as a librarian I think this so totally the wrong attitude to have. Perhaps some form of payment if that is the policy, but not there and then or else.

No wonder the poor woman doesn't want to go back. And thats really achieved a lot hasn't it? A whole family not using all the facilities a library has to offer because of the out moded, over the top attitude of one member of staff.

I should think the average 18 month year old is capable of damaging a lot more than 3 books in the time in takes for mum to pop to the loo! It's entirely unreasonable to expect your sister to supervise him every single second imo.

what rahrah said, i know that my own children could cause more damage than destroying three books in the time it takes to have a wee, make a cup of tea etc.

i ALWAYS tell my children to be gentle with books etc, all three love books, reading and being read to and we have always visited the library.

on one occasion ds3 damaged a book, i showed them the damage and apologised when i took the book back and the librarian was fine with it, she said they expect books to be damaged by young children but they would rather families got in the habit of bringing children to the library etc.

"should think the average 18 month year old is capable of damaging a lot more than 3 books in the time in takes for mum to pop to the loo!"

Well supervise him when he has the library books. When you go to the loo give him a more robust toy or a book that actually belongs to you.

It is not unreasonable of a librarian to expect books to be taken care off.