Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


to expect DP to take the day off to look after the kids so I can go to my uncles funeral?

14 replies

JingleJulezbooBells · 19/12/2007 09:10

And to not be told I havnt got a clue how the real world works for asking him?

OP posts:

PortAndLemonaid · 19/12/2007 09:12

YANB at all U (probably... there might be valid reasons he can't take that particular day off, but that glib remark catapaults him into unreasonable territory anyway)


RubySlippedonastraymincepie · 19/12/2007 09:12

sorry for your loss


what does he mean by not having a clue about the real world???? If he means, that as he works outside of the home he can't get time off, i would say unless he works for an absolutely awful company he can get compassionate leave for a family emergency


Hulababy · 19/12/2007 09:15

YANBU. His comment is very insensitive and out of order.


JingleJulezbooBells · 19/12/2007 09:23

Ive spent the whole week finishing off teh xmas preperations (on my own) running here there and everywhere trying to get car sorted, picking up hire car, dropping off hire car, picking up our car as well as the usual taking him to work and picking him up again.

I found out yesterday my uncle died, wasnt major close but he is still my uncle, I need to go to be there for my brothers and my dad.

Apparently I have no idea how the real world works and he cant just take time off like that (but every one else in the company does). He works for a pretty big company, but they dont allow more than 2 people off at the same time, however very recently there was about 5/6 people off in one day sick and they managed, would they really not cope if he wasnt there.

He said he feels bad because when they asked who died, because he said my uncle he got wierd looks like no one believed him.

He always picks up the pieces for me everytime something in my life goes wrong

He has spent each and every morning this week putting me down for something or other, normally i would ignore but right now its not what i need.

OP posts:

RubySlippedonastraymincepie · 19/12/2007 09:25

funerals/bereavements are non-negotiable

he is being ridiculous - is there something going on at work?


JingleJulezbooBells · 19/12/2007 09:29

no hes just worried what people will think dont think it matters how I feel anymore. Im not even living in the real world.

OP posts:

RubySlippedonastraymincepie · 19/12/2007 09:32

sod that - his first priority should be you right now, not his employers

sounds like you are having a rough time of it ... perhaps a big heart to heart with him is due?


CarmenerryChristmas · 19/12/2007 09:33

Is it possible that he gets treated like shit at work? Because it sounds like a possibility to me.
I don't think that grown men are generally in the habit of lying about bereavement in order to get a day off and if someone at work did actually cast doubt on him, well that is disgraceful.

YANBU at all and he should definitely take the day off or at least the morning. and he shouldn't be so bloody rude to you but I wonder does his unreasonable behaviour stem from being treated badly at work. What do you think?


CharlieAndLolasMummy · 19/12/2007 09:37

No, HE has no idea how the Real World works.

If need be, he goes sick. End of story.

I think some men have a real thing about asking for time off, I dunno WHY, its not like anyone really cares.


JingleJulezbooBells · 19/12/2007 09:38

Carmen i dont think it does, he left there for another job last year up north, we moved back down here because he missed it so much cos he loves working there.

No one else in the office has kids, so I cant really expect them to understand.

Because its not my dad, mum or his mum or dad then hes not allowed permitted leave.

fair enough if he cant get time off but is there any need to be so horrible to me about it.

Apparently Im missing our sons first xmas (though the funeral is the 27th so how he gets that is beyond me!) And hes a bit put out that i expect him to sort out my life for me and drop everything for my benefit

Probably the wrong thing to do but I just emailed him my list of things to do today, saying "these need doing, apparently I dont know how the real world works so I cant do it"

OP posts:

frostythesnowmum · 19/12/2007 09:40

YANBU your dh is though


wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 19/12/2007 09:45

I think YANBU. I don't think I would be given time off as compassionate leave if DH's uncle had died. But I think I could take annual leave (has he run out of it?) or maybe unpaid emergency leave because really he is needed because your normal childcare (ie you) is not available. In this case, I, personally would take the day as annual leave, and see no reason why your husband should be any different.


JingleJulezbooBells · 19/12/2007 09:57

Bozz - he hasnt run out as far as im aware. He has the friday of next week off which he could more then likely swap.

Im more annoyed about how is being about it all. Like hes bending over backwards to help me but they are his boys as well

OP posts:

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 19/12/2007 10:01

Yes very unreasonable. Unfortunately in the real world people die and people have family commitments and there are other things going on besides just work. for you. He should not be trying to make you feel guilty about going to your Uncle's funeral.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?