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That I can't just skip off to a wedding with DP because.....

24 replies

IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 11:28

I have responsibilities.

DP has a friend who told DP this weekend he is getting married on the 5th of Jan and wants DP to be his best man, All very nice BUT.......

Kids go back to school on the 3rd and have not been invited to the wedding (it is at the other end of the country by the way) so I can not just skip off to a bloody wedding, DH1 has said he will have the kids for the weekend of the wedding but I would not consider asking him to take time off work, (goes back on the 2nd) so as I could go with DP. I told DP he will have to go up and I will get the Friday night train and be there for the wedding (that is if DP is still alive as he tends to regress to a child/ prat when with his friend, and after the friends stag night for his first marriage DP spent a day passed out in the bath, this was before I knew him though so no my problem).

DP thinks I am being unreasonable, I do not think I am.
DPs mate is not big on responsibility's and DP thinks kids are something you pick up and put down as needed, and that my DH1 is the child minding service,and can't see why I wont go with him when he goes on the 2nd/3rd.

Sorry bit of a ramble and rant, but I do not think I am being unreasonable, Am I?

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frantaclaus · 17/12/2007 11:31

i don't think you are bu. i thinkwith it being his mate's wedding that he would like you to go with him tho so no real constructive help from me sorry sweetheart xxx


Oblomov · 17/12/2007 11:31

Best man ? With a few weeks notice ? Odd !!


Elasticwoman · 17/12/2007 11:32

You're being perfectly reasonable. Stick to your guns. It's extremely short notice for a wedding invitation esp for Best Man too.


LoveMyGirls · 17/12/2007 11:34

I think as you're offering to go up in time for wedding but not bear witness to the pratting about it sounds fair enough.


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 11:36

Small wedding I think, I have no problem with DP going up when he wants to, and I will be there for the wedding so I don't think I am being unreasonable that the welfare of my children comes first and foremost.

Also I would not like it if DH1 said oh kimi I need you to take time off and have boys so I can go so and so with 3 weeks notice and just after a holiday when jobs need to be finished.

Also ladies you know you need more then 3 weeks notice to get an outfit and I hate the bloody sales ( that bit was a joke by the way)

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LoveMyGirls · 17/12/2007 11:48

I guess theres no harm in asking DH1 if he would take 1 day off he may actually want to spend some extra time with the dc's on their own but if he doesn't or cant then you have no choice anyway, so ask him but let him know its fine if he cant at least then you can say to dp you have tried and its not because you dont want to its because you really couldnt anyway.

I think it's good that just because dh1 lives with you, you don't assume he is on hand to have the children by himself when it suits and the other way round too. You must all be very reasonable people to all live in each others pockets therefore you must all be the most reasonable people in the world so there is no way YANBU


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 11:55

DH1 does not live with us but is 10 mins walk away.
The kids live between the two houses and see daddy every day
I think DP wants to go up on the 2nd or 3rd and as well as it not being convenient for me, I do not know his friend that well and have only met the bride to be once so I would feel in the way a bit. Also I do not want to have to deal with a pissed up DP (daughter of a dead alcoholic and hate it when DP has been drinking).

Also DS1 has slight special needs and I want to be here for the first few days back at school, I know if I pressed DH1 to have extra time off he would, but it would be letting down his workmates and he is having for the 19th till the 2nd off anyway (everyone is).

I have no problem with DP going early and it is not as if I have said he can't go or that I will not go.

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LoveMyGirls · 17/12/2007 11:57

You are still in the right.


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 11:58

thank you

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flowerytaleofNewYork · 17/12/2007 11:59

I think the compromise you have suggested sounds perfect and more than reasonable from every point of view.


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 12:05

Must admit not looking forward to a 4 hour train journey alone but hopefully I will get to read the books I am hoping to get from Santa

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IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 12:38

I shall tell DP the mumsnet vote is that I am not being unreasonable

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helenhismadwife · 17/12/2007 18:55

your not being unreasonable at all, your dp has to realise that your dc will always come first.

Why is he so keen for you to go up at the same time? I would have thought he would love the chance to have a bit of time with his mate


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 20:15

DP is already stressing over being best man and having to make a speech, there does not seem to be any clear plans as yet so he does not know about booking train tickets (I hate not being orgernised) DP seems to think it will be a small wedding, but none the less he is the last person anyone would choose as a best man as he is a very private person and does not like giving speeches or being the center of anything (despite being the director of a company and having to with work)

I am not going till the Friday whatever, I don't care if it results in a sulk, but I have too much to do here to go sit in the middle of nowhere with people I don't really know while DP gets pissed.
There, call me unreasonable DP I don't care

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yomellamoHelly · 17/12/2007 20:20

Is your dp maybe looking to avoid repeating past patterns and thinking that with you there he'll stand a better chance?


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2007 20:22

Hell no, he is looking forward to the stag do part of it just not the speech .

I do want to see him be best man (as he is so sexy in a suit) but I can't go up when he wants to go.

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IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 18/12/2007 08:11

Little update.....
DPs mate rang last night as I had texted him and ask him to call me so I could book trains.
Seems the wedding is on the Friday NOT the Saturday, and he said oh if DP comes at this time on this day and can go at this time on that day, DP, DP, DP.

So I said right I will book his trains, but I wont be able to make it, then his mate says oh were YOU going to come? Its a really small wedding and blah blah blah, so looks like I was never invited in the first place .

DP says that HE was inviting me!!!!

Madness, still despite the fact I miss out on a new outfit I am not bothered, I would have gone with a bad heart as I do not like the way DPs mate walked out on his child and has not told the child he has a girlfriend or that he is getting married.

I will go and stay with DH1 and the kids for a few days .

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Bouncingturtlewithtinsel · 18/12/2007 09:21

at your DP's mate! And your DP! At least it gets you off the hook!


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 18/12/2007 09:31

DP still had the hump that "I wont go" He says I am making up reasons not to go and I could get my mother to have the kids.

Resulted in a row and DP saying he does not think he loves me and I spend too much money.... weekly shop was £117 last week but we had his sister and her partner visit so extra people to feed, and I took some money yesterday for milk bread and tampax.

I don't like not having my own money at the moment and have only once ask him to get my DC some school clothes, yes he pays the bills I do not contribute at all and I told him I feel like his whore at the moment.

Think it is a good think if he has a few days away tbh, maybe next year might be life changing who knows.

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IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 18/12/2007 09:32

Feeling very sad today, and quite alone tbh.

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emjhill · 18/12/2007 11:47

thought i would send you some hugs hunni!
when your DP goies away get in some wine and some chocs a few girlie DVDs and maybe even some pampering treats from boots etc!
Get DH1 to have the kids for 1 night turn your music up and dance round your front room with a face pack on!
i GAURANTEE you will feel better!
I think its great that you seem to still get on with your DH1 not many people can say that!!


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 18/12/2007 16:32

thank you EMJ.

I am going to stay with DH1 while DP is away,
I don't like being in this house alone (long story).
But wine and chocs are a must

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LoveMyGirls · 18/12/2007 16:57

Do you think your dp is upset because he knew you would go and stay with DH1 while he is away and he is worried?


IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 19/12/2007 09:26

No, He just thinks I am being unreasonable not to go.

Um ,not invited, Kids need taking to school, real world busy place.
DP knows I am close to DH1 and always will be.

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