I’m a bridesmaid for my friend. She didn’t want a traditional hen do, so is instead hosting us for an evening, and paying for food and activities herself (which will total around £100 a head). Incredibly kind and generous in my view, since it’s not uncommon for people we know to have weekends away at the cost of £200+, and then the hens pay for the bride, not the other way around!
As bridesmaids we’re organising various little fun surprises and activities too. One thing we wanted to do was buy the bride a substantial, memorable gift from all her hens. Not a normal tradition for hen parties, but we thought it would be nice to thank her and recognise her generosity. We suggested a contribution of £30 and sent a link to what we wanted to buy her. Most of the hens said yes they loved the idea and wanted to contribute. However two have refused to participate. One is genuinely short on cash, some sympathy there, though she does spend a lot on going out and has no living expenses (lives with parents). Another just said she has already (even though it’s weeks away…) sent her a (cheaper) gift. Obviously, gift participation is never compulsory so we will ask for a bit more from everyone else to cover it, and awkwardly find a way of signing the card from most but not all of the hens.
AIBU to think that this is a bit mean spirited, particularly from the hen who has no cash flow issue but just wants to do her own thing? I suppose it’s just a matter of priorities (for both of them) and yes, everyone is entitled to spend or not spend their money however they like. But for a close friend (it’s a small party!) who has spent £100s on what should be a lovely evening, it seems a shame they don’t feel able to contribute what is a small amount relative to the cost of most hen dos!