To expect people to make an effort to come to children's birthday parties

[Vinegar]

When dd is invited to a party I check our calendar and if it is free then block this time off for the party. If we are not free, I would let the parent know, but do try and ensure that we are free, esp. for close friends of dd's. I am finding that this is not the way alot of people operate. Some wait till the very last minute to respond, just in case something else comes up. Some act like it such a huge effort to come to a party.
What started this rant is that I was told by one of dd's best friends mother that she had double booked on the day of dd's party. She had accepted our invitation three weeks ago, when I handed them out. Today she says to me "Don't think X will be able to come. She is going to be so upset, but I told my aunt I would go to hers two weeks ago. I had it in the back of my mind that there was something else on, but couldn't remember what".
I was furious. Surely the fact that she accepted our invitation first, makes it a priority. And if she had it at the "back of her mind", shouldn't she have checked?
I know it's not a big deal in the scheme of things, but it has got me really annoyed and don't particularly want to make social chit-chat with this mum in the playground now- childish I know

i had no idea people felt that strongly about this subject. so strongly that you would no longer chat with a person.

i dont want to sound horrid but i am probably one of the offenders for not responding till last min or what ever.

tbh, you have no idea about peoples circumstances, daily lives and what is going on with them. Rather than being ignorant or rude, they may just have serious problems at the forefront.
personally i have to write EVERY thing down and make myself do thigns every day.
im not ignorant and im not rude, i just find it very difficult to manage and co ordinate things.i cant help it

dont stop talking to the mum, dont go that far, she may look forward o your company and may have lots going on behind the scenes.

yes deeny, I've just realised I feel v. strongly too. That invite is just another piece of paper in your kids school bag that gets added to your to-do pile, along with paying the window cleaner and your shopping receipts.

I usually come across the invite 2 days before while trying to find my last bank statement or something!!!

Vinegar have some compassion for those less organised than yourself

yabu life is too short

dont sweat the small stuff

YANBU, if you make an arrangement you should stick to it.

Microwaveovenonly - DD will be 6.
She gets invited to a fair few parties. I do try and go to the ones we can, but make a special effort for close friends.
I know this mum fairly well. She has asked me to pick/drop her dd a few times.
I'm not so insensitive to know that sometimes it's hard for people. Another one of dd's friends can't come, as her mum said she wasn't keen on bringing her 18 month old - fair enough, I don't expect everyone to come. However, I do think this was total disregard to our plans and dd's feeling.
Squirdle - I did say that dd would be really disappointed as her dd was such a good friend to which she responded "Yes X will be really upset, I haven't told her yet".

I won't stop talking to this mum, do feel less inclined to do things for her at the moment, but I'm not one to hold a grudge for long.

I guess these things are not important at all to some people-though I don't think they would like it done to them or their chidren.

Definately no compassion for you disorganized lot-haven't you heard of post-it notes stuck all over the place?

Vinegar, Blueshoes has pointed out on another thread that I may have some kind of party phobia..I really don't want my kids to go so it goes at the bottom of the pile. I guess if it was an invite from David Tennant I'd remember !

oops maybe you should be annoyed with your friend afterall !

Hee hee - just replied in your thread and saw your reply here.

Yes I should be annoyed with this woman - can't believe anyone would not agree with me

what about me then?

my DD was invited to a party last Sunday - I tried to persuade ex to bring her home early so she could go but he refused....I then had flu last 10 days & completely forgot to reply

I feel awful but dont know what to do (and lost invite so dont have her phone no)

should I leave it that Im just very rude or pop a note in her DD's tray at nursery with a little present apologising?
I hate the fact all the other mothers at the party probably discussed how rude I am

its not simply bieng disorganised, (although i do live by post it notes and lists)
what i am saying is that it isnt necisarily a "total disregard for your plans and dds feelings" it may not be that dramatic.

there could be many very valid reasons for not turning up.

the best solution is to invite so many but make provisions for maybe 80% of those invited. take it as a given that some wont turn up. that way you wont feel so bitterly disapointed and take it so seriously and personally.

Mistressmiggins, don't worry about it, you can't help being ill etc. Yes if you feel you need to pop a note into the childs tray apologising, but these things happen.

I have already had many yes replies and also a few no replies (I only gave invites out yesterday) The no's don't bother me at all, as I said people are busy (especially a week before Christmas) and as long as my DS's have a few friends at their party, they will have a great time. Last year a couple of the children didn't turn up, but I haven't held it against the parents, it is just one of those things.

I wish I didn't have to do a big party, but tbh with 2 boys with birthdays on the ame day, I have to hire a hall. Boys + party at home = trashed, manic, arrggghhh help me I do it because it is easier and I want to try to get away with joint parties for as long as possible!

Deeny, I have done that, invited who DS's want but have considered that some won't make it. Food wise it isn't a big problem as they never eat that much anyway (and adults can finish off) and as we will have 30 children (joint party remember I don't do the inviting the whole class thing) we won't notice if ther are a few less.

I just accept now that people don't turn up. But the ones who turn up without letting me know will never be invited to anything again. I also usually book for 10 or 12 and invite about 18 as you just know that not even all the confirmed yesses will turn up.
Just started this thread to air my latest plot to attract people to come to ds's party which is normally too close to xmas to get anyone at all to come.
Alpha mummy on a mission ha ha.

What used to wind me up was people having said yes then not turning up, and no word. Poor DS2 one year had invited 6 people- 5 said yes and just one turned up Luckily he has a joint birthday with DS1 and we filled the gaps with DD and DS3 but I never held a party again after that. (and not one apology either, grr)

Now of course we have DD2 I suppose we'll have to go through it all again.

Agree with the others, it's very rude of her to do this and make it so clear to you that the party is not top of her priorities.
But as you yourself identify Vinegar, there are bound to be occasions where a family will do more to rearrange their schedule because of a closer friendship.
To be honest we do have a hierarchy for dd's class - they are all four to five and she is currently not especially close to any of them. We will politely decline immediately any whole class party that's not convenient, unless it's a family we know and like. A lot of them seem to be scheduled on Sunday morning, when we are normally at church in any case. But we'd always be polite and prompt about it!
Ds is in Yr 4 so parties tend to be smaller and more of a real occasion for the host and guests. Those we will move heaven and earth to accommodate (even missing church )

YABU

another jaded mum of 3 face.

We prioritise children's parties and try not to let people down but some people are just busy. Or forgetful. Or chaotic. It doesn't mean they are trying to slight you or that they aren't worth knowing.

We always expect some people not to reply to invitations and some to forget on the day, we plan accordingly. Expect some not to turn up and then it doesn't matter if they don't. And some might be ill on the day and not come anyway.

Also, invitations get lost. Children lose them in book bags, or down the back of other people's sofas. I suspect there are parties my dds have been invited to which we haven't even known about.