To ask friend what she is doing for her birthday

[Blankscreen]

So I have a friend. We've known each other for approximately 10 years, not best friends but close enough and we buy each other presents etc. There was a small group who would go out for birthdays and for example last year I arranged the group present for the friend.

A couple of years ago an old acquaintance of mine has befriended said friend and I feel like she has been systematically excluding me. I got upset and told my friend etc things seemed fine.

Couple of events popping up on Facebook and friend out and I'm not included and I have made excuses.

Anyway tomorrow is friends birthday and I have not heard a word from her about going out. Every year for the the last 7/8 years we have gone out.

What do I do?

Do I ask her what she is planning? Or leave it and wait to see the inevitable photos on Facebook Instagram.

I feel like something has definitely changed between us and the fact I feel uncomfortable about asking her is maybe a sign that things aren't right .

So am I being unreasonable to ask her what she is doing for her birthday?

How did it go?

Yes text and ask her at least then you'll have your answer.

I'm really torn. Do I ask her or do I leave it for fear of looking 'needy' as others have implied.

Also don't want to trigger a pity invite but I guess if that happens I know that I have been excluded from the original invitation.

I think I agree with others that next time you should text a few weeks before and ask. She’ll either tell you what (if) she has planned, or she will say she isn’t sure yet. If it’s the latter you can then say, ‘fancy doing something?’ It might be that you won’t be invited out but you can still see her for a coffee and cake or something

In fact, how about text her now and say ‘not sure if you have any big plans for your birthday, but did you fancy meeting for a coffee and cake? I have a little something for you’. That way she can either say ‘yes I’m free tomorrow’, or ‘I’m not free tomorrow but see you in the week?’ Or ‘yes I have big plans, you are coming right?!’ None of those conversations would be particularly awkward

I would say nothing at this point and let friendship slide

I would ask her snd the rest of the group “hey! What are we doing for friends birthday?!”

Who organised the gift this year?

If there are big plans then the rest of the 6-8 must surely know about them?

I'm not going to say anything.

I will just let it play out and see what happens. I guess as pp have said it's about recalibrating of friendship and knowing my place so to speak.

Am I blankscreen good for a coffee helping out when needed or am I blankscreen who she wants to spend time with and invite to her birthday celebration.

Once I know where i stand I can decide where to go from there.

Sounds a bit strange but I agree you have left it too late, I’d be pissed off if my friend asked to make plans for my birthday the day before! Surely things like that are arranged weeks if not months in advance?

The thing is the person whose birthday it is has always initiated the arrangements and done the invites . I did for my belated birthday.

I didn't realise the rules had changed this year.

Have you spoken to the rest of the group, or are they being funny with you too?