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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask for your experiences of private adult ADHD asessments?

45 replies

Barkus · 08/07/2021 11:52

Posting here for traffic, sorry!

I am convinced I have this. I don't think I will ever achieve anything until I get a diagnosis and treatment.

I have three young children, I'm not working and I can barely get dinner on the table every night because I am so disorganised and chaotic. My whole life has been a series of wasted opportunities and potential.

I have looked on Psychiatry UK but their first available appointment is late December!

Has anyone any experience/recommendations of any that provide private asessments (online preferable). Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/07/2021 21:04

Briset - and the whirlwind of mess, losing stuff, borrowing and never remembering to return it...

I was explaining to DH how hard it is to force myself to tidy as I go.

Immaculate or bomb site...

Briset · 12/07/2021 21:36

Ah yes, the house either being rigidly ordered (don't touch anything!) or looking the aftermath of an earthquake. Totally normal. It also doesn't help that both of my parents are the same. It didn't occur to me until really, really recently that most people just manage this stuff. I'm nearly 60.

Bythemillpond · 13/07/2021 01:19

Briset

I don’t have anyone who knew me as a child and I don’t have any school reports

I just explained my childhood to the psychiatrist. I can see ADHD in generations of my family.
None of us are “normal”
I told him about my childhood and the slum clearance houses that I used to go with the boys and climb on the roof as a kid. How I never could play dolls or tea parties with the girls as I found it really boring.
Always getting into trouble at school for asking someone next to me what exactly the teacher had said to do
Even now I take someone with me to translate English into English because my focus is so gone that when shop assistants start talking to me it sounds like a foreign language.

123Squirrel · 13/07/2021 03:36

I would check with GP before you pay out to go private whether they will accept the shared care for the meds as they can reject it. There was some problem locally that the GPs couldn't issue those controlled drugs post titration and wasn't a local psych service to take them on to do it either and people were left having to self fund £100+ a month privately to stay medications.

I went via Right To Choose with psychiatry UK when appointments were pretty quick, I waited 2 months but mainly because I specified which Doctor I wanted & they were booked up. I think even with increased waiting times now is still pretty quick considering some NHS ones are years, but can worth enquiring as services vary so much by postcode. There is ADHD360 and possibly PSICON theres a helpful RTC Facebook group. m.facebook.com/groups/righttochoosesupport/?ref=share
It seems the CCGs are getting a bit pissy about RTC and trying to block referrals.
Psych UK also have long medication titration waiting list but some of the doctors have taken this role themselves to speed it up, but the local NHS service also had a similar titration waiting list time.

The informant forms, you could use someone other than parent that knew you as a child like a friend/sibling/friends parent. However when late diagnosed it's not unusual for parents to be passed on, have dementia etc, no school reports etc. So the informant could also be anyone that knows you well or at least enough contact to witness your behaviours.

I didn't feel like my family would give an accurate account as they've always been quite dismissive and I mask & just meet expectations around them. We aren't close and they don't know me very well now let alone recalling years back.

So I asked my ex-partner as we'd been together a long time and was one of few people that had seen the full picture of me, all the dysfunction behind the scenes! I did ask parent about some of the early years questions & if any relatives with heart issues but was able to be quite vague as to the reasons.

I did find my school reports for secondary and on paper it doesn't look like I had problems, good student just 'shy needs to engage more" & passed exams. I remember daydreaming, doodling, always asking friend what we needed to do, being late, all homework last minute and bit of mess at home and i've also autistic traits so possibly have both . The Perfectionist, High achiever ADHDers aren't that uncommon either but at some point their supporting framework falls away or some other changes increase the demands put on them and can no longer compensate. Its also affected by hormones so women have more fluctuations due to that in their lifetime.

Apart from medications there is also learning how to manage the various problems (motivation, task activation, lateness, organisation, cleaning, rejection sensitive dysphoria) the impairments cause differently as the usual methods just don't work for ADHD brains and leave you more frustrated & feeling a failure. The US has a big coaching scene to deal with the various ADHD issues and plenty is available low cost and freely, loads webinars, podcasts and articles.

Next free expo event, some of the topics seem more general ADHD. adhdpalooza.com/parents/

Bythemillpond · 13/07/2021 11:21

I should add when myself and my dd had a GPs appointment for a referral we were both told that it would take years before we would hear anything.
But she would refer.

As it happens we are in one of the fastest areas in the country and if it hadn’t been for Covid I think it would have been 3 months from gp’s appointment to diagnosis and medication

Briset · 17/07/2021 16:49

So I had my private assessment today and I will give some feedback, which might help others.

I had a zoom appointment with someone from the ADHD Centre based in London. I won't give the name of the psychiatrist I am going to be critical of him.

He didn't smile through the whole assessment and the sound quality was poor, which was something to do with his equipment as it was effected by the direction of his head. I had to ask him to repeat a lot of the questions. I always did so apologetically and politely but he appeared to be irritated at having to do this and it never occurred to him to apologise for the fact it was his fault. He looked like he had just got out of bed as his hair was unbrushed and his shirt looked like a pyjama top although it could have been an un ironed shirt. Part way through he asked me to google the forms we were looking at so that we could go faster. This was a bit demanding as I had unexpectedly find them, open them and locate the parts he was looking at and them answer the questions at the same time as looking at him on the screen. I found this quite stressful and I would guess anybody would feel the same-especially someone with ADHD! This did not seem to occur to him and he appeared to be irritated that I found it hard to concentrate.

The assessment simply consisted of him going through the same questionnaires he had already emailed me. I had already read them, looked at the scoring system and completed and returned some of them to him so the consultation added nothing to what I had already worked out for myself by doing the forms. In fact anybody could do this for themselves at no cost and without having to wait. Of course if you need medication or coaching you will need a diagnosis, so you will have to go through this process, but I don't think I want either.

In the end he was unable to complete the assessment because of a couple of things I'd like to share with others, which are the forms you ask another adult who knows you well to complete as well as someone who knew you well in childhood.

There are lots of problems with these two forms. The wording just does not bring out the issues involved in ADHD. The childhood form talks about 'careless' mistakes. Although I constantly made slips in childhood because of poor concentration, they were never careless. I cared about them very much. Also, it asks about chores and responsibilities I had as a child and whether I forgot things I needed to take to school or avoided doing homework. We had no chores as a child, I didn't have to take anything to school, we had no homework or after school activities. It was a different world (I'm 59) and my parents were hippies with ADHD (probably) themselves and my school was extremely relaxed. I was left to get on with doing things my own way. The form assumes that everybody has the same kind of regulated childhood that people have nowadays. I did not have to avoid anything or procrastinate because I had almost nothing I was obliged to do. I also dislike the judgmental use of words like 'careless' or 'avoid' and I feel they fit much better for children (often boys) who adopt a defiant attitude towards their struggles.As a girl I felt I had to everything exactly as asked, even if it meant doing it over and over again until it was exactly right. I know if I give the form to my mum to fill in about my childhood she would have reacted to the form in the same way as me. It just doesn't capture my difficulties. So, I completed the childhood form myself saying it was from memory (I have a very clear memory of childhood). I explained to him why I had done this and that I have no school reports as an alternative. This also seemed to make him very irritated. I am not stupid (I am an academic) and I understand totally that a diagnosis HAS to establish that it was present in childhood, especially I would imagine with somebody my age, in case there has been age related cognitive decline/dementia etc. I thought I may be able to discuss this with him but he was just annoyed about it.

I also had a problem with the form that an adult who knows me now has to complete. I gave it to my husband and he said almost none of the criteria matched me. This is because I try incredibly hard to be super organised. I had a very rigid system to help me get by. This doesn't mean I am not affected though. The psychiatrist did not seem to take this point at all. His attitude was that if I was that if my husband says I am not forgetful and that I meet deadlines then I don't meet the criteria. I don't procrastinate precisely because I have had so many lapses in the past and I know from experience that I will need to start almost every task immediately to give me time to do it over and over again. The forms only take into account your behaviour, not your mental processes.

Of course psychiatrists use the same criteria all over the world, they do not design the checklists themselves. So, what I would say is that if you are a people pleasing woman and you get a psychiatrist who is not interested in drawing out exactly what is going on with you, then you are likely to be told you don't have ADHD.

To his credit he did email me two new forms after the consultation to allow me to find two other people and have another go at completing them. I can't think who I would ask, and the wording on the forms is likely to lead most people who know me to say I have no problems. I therefore don't think I will complete them and he will be unable to finish the assessment.

My goodness, I am so sorry this is so long. What I would say to anybody thinking of a private consultation is: try to self refer using NHS funding. Don't pay a fortune getting it done privately. In fact, if you think you won't want any medication then don't book a consultation at all. All of the tests are online. You can do them by yourself.

Secondly, I would not recommend this particular psychiatrist. Going through this kind of process is quite emotional and I really think a doctor needs to be friendly and show an interest in individuals however world weary and tired he may be. If you are thinking of using this clinic and would like to know who he is I can tell you by private message.

I don't know if there are any pressure groups for women suffering with ADHD. The diagnostic criteria really have to be changed to take into account sex/gender and also sociocultural differences which affect reporting of symptoms.

Bythemillpond · 17/07/2021 17:37

Briset
I fortunately didn’t have the forms where someone who knew you as a child (absolutely no one) and someone who knows you now had to fill out.
Even Dh worked away for so long I doubt he could actually be qualified to form an opinion.
But my psychiatrist let me prattle on about my childhood and although he was going through the questions he didn’t have me stick rigidly to answering the question

Dd though as I have said had someone different who was very rigid in her responses.
Always asking dd to stick to the questions but when she did and the answer indicated ADHD she would delve a bit deeper and then dismiss her answers.
Eg one of the questions was about driving and having points on your licence
Dd has been banned from driving for speeding (several times) and currently has 6 points on her licence.
The psychiatrist wanted to know how fast she was going and then was very dismissive that they weren’t that far over the speed limit and then changed her answer to No.

I think some psychiatrist have taken the exams to say they are qualified in assessing ADHD. But have no understanding of it.

Briset · 17/07/2021 17:48

bythemillpond thank you for reading my long winded ramble and thank you for your reply. It seems very inconsistent and unfair that some psychiatrists decide to take a rigid approach to this.

And I really hope the criteria are changed and reworded soon. I assumed it was now well known that many people develop coping strategies which are very rigid and therefore indicate the presence of a difficulty in themselves. Just as one example.It's surely not enough to say that if you don't miss appointments then you don't have a problem with remembering them? The strategies I have to use are really time consuming and complicated and no it's NOT obsessive, it's just what I need to do to live a 'normal' life, and it's exhausting.

Bythemillpond · 17/07/2021 18:12

The thing with me is I always missed appointments. I didn’t have any coping strategies my life is a mess.

My dd is working but has convoluted ways to make sure she doesn’t miss anything. At work her clipboard is full of notes.
If it isn’t written in her notes then someone isn’t getting the extra bottle of wine. She doesn’t have to get it or serve it. She just has to tell someone to do it.

Bythemillpond · 17/07/2021 18:49

Just to add that the fact dd could work was used against her in her assessment

Briset · 17/07/2021 19:25

But there are many people with ADHD who hold down jobs. It is also not uncommon among lecturers at uni where I work. Many people find ways to cope in the world. It's like if you get a wheelchair and manage to move around it doesn't mean you don't have a disability any more.

Bythemillpond · 17/07/2021 22:43

My GP was not going to refer me because I don’t work.
She couldn’t understand why I needed to be assessed

Eggshausted · 17/07/2021 23:04

So many of your words are ringing bells with me.

Springspringhurrah · 14/10/2021 13:40

Bythemillpond that's dreadful. Discrimination

dailily · 14/10/2021 13:53

Diagnosed privately via psychiatry UK a couple of years ago, cost about £1000. Was money well spent. Now shared care with gp, prescription £10/month. The medication has made a massive difference to work/home life, I'm able to focus and push further without getting bored. Eg painting a wall pre meds would have painted enthusiastically for 30mins then not picked up the brush again - now I'll paint the whole room.

Springspringhurrah · 17/10/2021 11:23

Hello again, I'm supporting DH to get a diagnosis, wondering if private health insurance might work out more economical in the long run. Called Bupa, it's in their excluded conditions- anyone any opinions) suggestions?

Colleen92 · 17/10/2021 11:28

Saw a psychos who diagnosed over several sessions including asking my mum about me as a baby (I was at least 25 then!! 40 now!!) as it is surprising how many signs there are.

Then put on trial of Concerta extended release. Now take the kids ones (off licence for adults but can be prescribed) as they work fast and wear off after a few hours so no sleep disruption, etc.

Look into it, you're never to old!

I was so happy to finally find it wasn't laziness or apathy... I can focus now when needed, just wish I had started younger!

Good luck OP! Smile

poppybird123 · 21/01/2022 11:06

@Briset

Hi Briset, I've just come across your post and am so sorry that you had to endure such a disappointing experience with your adhd assessment.
Could you please tell me the name of this consultant so I know who to avoid as I'm currently looking at using the adhd centre too and it's a bit of a minefield figuring out which consultant to go with. Very much appreciated thank you!

Ruralretreating · 10/11/2022 23:01

@Briset could you DM me the name of the consultant too please?

Kaspery8 · 24/03/2023 22:01

@Briset could you DM me the name of the consultant too please? I was thinking of booking an assessment with the adhd centre

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