Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To have taken away DS1's Lightning McQueen car?

29 replies

laura032004 · 21/11/2007 18:47

Because he has just drawn all over the lounge wall with a biro.

This is the second time in a week. Last time it was with a permanent marker, and he got told off, and told it was not allowed.

Tonight whilst I was tidying the kitchen, he did it again. I sent him to the naughty step when he told me what he'd done (not in a repentant way, just matter-of-factly). Then when he came back into the lounge, he pointed out a whole different area he'd drawn on as well.

We live in a Navy house, so will have to repaint (I can't get it off, and scrubbing just removes the paint and looks even worse), or be billed for the damage.

I have told him the the car will go back to the shop.

Reasonable response? He's 3 (4 in April).

OP posts:

EmZyFive · 21/11/2007 18:49

totally reasonable. good for you!

NAB3littlemonkeys · 21/11/2007 18:49

No point telling him the car will go back to the shop if it can't.

I would take it from him for 3 days.

Try Flash blocks, just wet it and it cleans walls.

Bread is also good at getting things off walls.

jangly · 21/11/2007 18:51

Oh, that's a difficult one. He's very young, only three. Perhaps a teeny bit harsh. Could you just hide all the pens? Tell him he can have his car back when he tells you he won't do it again?

Original poster

laura032004 · 21/11/2007 18:52

This is a big talking car by the way, not a normal little car.

Thanks EmZyFive - it's hard to know if I overreacted.

I get so cross about things like this - I'm not angry or shouting, but it drives me mad all the same. He drew on our leather sofa not long ago, and ruined that too.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 21/11/2007 18:52

get a magic sponge

Original poster

laura032004 · 21/11/2007 18:53

x-posts

I might get rid of it alltogether - teach him a lesson? He does remember things like that.

Thought I'd hid all the pens He found it down the side of the sofa.

Thanks for the tips Nab3

OP posts:

Twiglett · 21/11/2007 18:54

like this .. also available from robert dyas and hardware stores

do a patch test first .. it removes pen from paint but might change colour (normally doesn't) .. but if it works it beats repainting

Twiglett · 21/11/2007 18:55

oh you did the right thing too btw

Original poster

laura032004 · 21/11/2007 18:55

Oooh thanks for the link. Will be buying one of those ASAP

OP posts:

jangly · 21/11/2007 18:56

this works very well with marks, although I haven't tried it with biro. Have you got a Lakeland near you?

Othersideofthechannel · 21/11/2007 19:06

I think it is an unreasonable to punish him for this considering his age. Plus it doesn't make sense to remove a car for drawing in the wrong place.
But for what it is worth, had my DS done similar at the same age, I would probably have reacted like you did. (It's easier with hindsight)

WinkyWinkola · 21/11/2007 19:19

Taking away the one thing they love does seem to work. It doens't kill them but it certainly stops them in their tracks.

My DS has stopped clobbering his baby sister now I've taken away his beloved toy trains, one by one after each episode of violence. He gets them back upon demonstration of tender, loving treatment of his sister.

Why don't you get DS to 'help' you clean up the wall? Obviously don't expose him to any chemicals but give him a water and washing up liquid in a bowl and a sponge and let him try to clean it off? It'll show him it won't come off but it'll also show him that i. he has to tidy up his mess and ii. how he can try to make amends for what he's done.

Sometimes I find it hard to remember that they're only little when their behaviour seems so purposefully destructive!

WinkyWinkola · 21/11/2007 19:21

What I meant by it doesn't kill them is that it doesn't harm them. Sorry. V. tired!

EmZyPlusOne · 21/11/2007 20:01

honestly i think that taking away something that they care about is a simple easy way to get through to them so don't worry.

Original poster

laura032004 · 21/11/2007 20:05

Thanks for all those points of view

The car is v.precious to him, so removing it does impact on him. After he starting pooing on the toilet, he still kept pooing in his night nappy (first thing in the morning - he would wake up, play, poo, then come into us). I told him I would take away the car for a day each time he did a poo in his night nappy (washable nappies, so a real pain to sort out!). It happened again once, I took away the car, he was really upset, but didn't do a poo in his nappy again

I have said that if he is very good, and I don't have to 'count to 3' before tomorrow bedtime, he can have the car back.

I think it's actually hit home how upset I am about the drawing on the wall, so hopefully this will be the last incident. Just need to train up DS2.....

OP posts:

EmZyPlusOne · 21/11/2007 20:47

good luck with that laura

WinkyWinkola · 21/11/2007 21:33

Erm, I wouldn't ever punish a child for their toilet habits though. That's not a crime. That's just something that will come with time.

I think punishing a child for their toilet habits is a recipe for problems personally. I wouldn't want my child to fixate on doing a poo as a problem like drawing willy nilly on a wall. They have to go to the loo after all. Perhaps he's scared of the dark. And perhaps you are being a bit tough on him.. . . .. just my tuppence worth.

Original poster

laura032004 · 22/11/2007 08:32

I think you've misunderstood me WW. He did poo in his nappy for a long time after being wee toilet trained (up until about 6 weeks ago - wee trained for about 18m!) However, once he could do a poo in the toilet (and we didn't push this, just let it happen at his pace with lots of encouragement), he would still poo in his night nappy. That is to say, he'd wake up (no poo), play in his room for a bit, do a poo, then come in to have his nappy changed. Just because he couldn't be bothered to ask us to take his nappy off. Once we explained that he would lose his car if this happened, it stopped. I typed too soon though, as last night he did a poo during the night. He's got a slightly dodgy tummy at the moment, so obviously couldn't help that. He came in and told me that it was there when he woke up. All that we tried to do previously was to break the association that it was ok to do a poo if he had a nappy on.

OP posts:

bozza · 22/11/2007 09:07

I'm a bit about all this poo in nappy business. Why is he wearing the nappy if you don't want him to use it? But as to the OP I think this was absolutely fine. 3 1/2 is plenty old enough to know not to draw on the walls. My DD is the same age (will be 4 in May) and she would be in big trouble for something like this, believe me.

lucyellensmum · 22/11/2007 09:42

I'm sorry if this goes against the grain. I dont mean to sound harsh, but i think you are being totally unreasonable.

My DD is 2.5, she has "decorated" my entire living room wall, pine cupboards, everywhere Why would i tell her off for doing this? She is 2, and it would be the same if she was three, she has no concept of "now mummy is going to have to redecorate", i live in my own home, so i am billed anyway, i will simply wait until she is old enough to not want to draw on the walls and slap some paint on the wall. Was a bit more miffed about the cupboard but what does she know, she is 2! Besides, she has done some fab "art". If i didnt want her to draw on the walls i would make damned sure she couldnt, its quite simple really. Bit its not that bigger deal to me. I do tell her not to do it now, but in a kind way, i certainly wouldnt be removing her toys.

As for punishing the poor wee lad for having a toilet mistake,"cant be bothered to come and have his nappy removed"!! WTF!! He will end up having problems in this area if you make him think it is something to be punished for.

Now dont get me wrong, I dont think you are being a bad parent, you are clearly trying your best and adopting an approach that means you dont end up losing your rag and shouting so i applaud you for that i really do, i just think you are not going down the right route here. Maybe you could encourage your DS to draw in the appropriate place etc then put his pictures on the wall for all to see - he would be well proud im sure. My DD loves that her "art" is all over the walls, not just the stuff done directly on the walls and i love looking at it. Its not very trendy and im sure my friends think im mad (i am) but i coudlnt care a hoot. They are only young once, they are exploring and discorvering, it should be encouraged.

I think that the whole discipline approaches advocated on parenting shows are to blame for a lot of "pain" and hassle tbh. Puts uneccessary pressure on parents to have perfectly behaved little angels.

themildmanneredjanitor · 22/11/2007 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

laura032004 · 22/11/2007 10:21

LEM - I disagree with you, but maybe that is because of the age difference - at over 3.5yrs, DS1 knows drawing on the walls is wrong.

DS1 has a night nappy on to wee in overnight - he's not dry at night. He now takes this off when he wakes up and goes and does a poo in the toilet. Previously when he was not pooing in the loo, he wore pants in the day, but asked for a nappy if he needed a poo. We put it on, he pooed, we cleaned up and replaced pants. We needed him to understand that because he had a nappy on at night, now that he could poo in the loo, he should do so, and not just use the nappy. Same for wees really. OK whilst asleep, but once awake, if he needs a wee, he should remove the nappy (we're talking pull-up cloth nappies here, so easily done by himself, or we are happy to help him), and go to the loo.

OP posts:

krang · 22/11/2007 10:23

I can see what you're saying, LEM, but personally I agree with the OP regarding the car.

When I'm atttempting to figure out discipline, I always try and work out whether the thing my crazed DS is doing would be acceptable in someone else's house, and whether I want to teach him that that thing is generally acceptable or not.

Running around, making a huge mess with his toys, shouting, generally behaving like a child - fine.

Drawing on walls repeatedly - no, absolutely not. Creativity is fine and dandy but there's a limit to the amount of damage I'll let him do.

Original poster

laura032004 · 22/11/2007 12:55

Fantastic principle krang Shall apply that in future. It's like I allow my DS's to stand on our sofa arms and jump off Buzz Lightyear style shouting 'to infinity and beyond'. Fine in my house - we have a solid armed leather sofa. Not so good in my MIL's house which has a cream chenille sofa. I am always having to explain to them that although it's OK at home, it's not OK at MIL's.

OP posts:

bozza · 23/11/2007 20:56

But laura I think krang is saying that if it is not OK in your MIL's house, it is not OK in your house.

And I totally and utterly disagree with LEM - a 3.5yo should definitely know that it is not acceptable to draw on the walls.

Flip

1 2