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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to love looking in people’s windows!

239 replies

LittleRa · 14/06/2021 09:42

I’m on maternity leave and my baby loves the pram (was a surprise as older DD hated it!) and naps well it, but wakes up when I stop walking. I also do the school run twice a day for older DD. So I find myself wandering around the streets, exploring parts of the neighbourhood I haven’t been to before. I love looking into people’s front windows! It feels so nosy Blush What they have on their walls; art work, photos etc, how their furniture is arranged, where their TV is positioned (and how big it is!) have all become a source of fascination to me. Has my baby brain turned to mush and I need to get out (of the nearby streets) more? Is is terribly bad manners? Anyone else like a good nose into front windows?
Disclaimer- from the street! Not entering gardens/yards and pressing my nose up against the glass! And also not stopping and gawping- always moving along (aforementioned sleeping baby!)

OP posts:
fashionablefennel · 14/06/2021 11:42

Many schools and clubs have organised trails for the kids during the lockdown (teddy bear, rainbow, halloween, Christmas..).

Some posters must have had a fun time to see at least half a school and their parents peering in their windows Grin

slashlover · 14/06/2021 11:42

You can’t really control where your initial gaze falls, as a PP mentioned humans have a wide peripheral vision.

If you can't control not turning your head to the side then you have a problem.

Do you never breastfeed the baby in the living room? Does older DD (not sure of age) never wander around the living room before getting dressed? Would you be fine with people staring in and seeing those things? Having a good look?

Mabelface · 14/06/2021 11:42

@Ickythefirebobby, in the front, the bottom parts of the window are frosted film so I can't see out but the light comes in. In the back, I've got mirror film so I can see out, but no nosy bugger can see in.

Original poster
LittleRa · 14/06/2021 11:43

Well yes, I do look- that’s the point of this thread, to say that I do love a look! But I’ve said I don’t look if someone is in the room- glance, notice person, look away. Or glance, no person, keep looking at decor as continue to walk past- maybe 5 seconds? Plenty long enough to notice the things I’ve mentioned, but without stopping or cupping hands on the window!

OP posts:
fashionablefennel · 14/06/2021 11:44

Do you never breastfeed the baby in the living room? Does older DD (not sure of age) never wander around the living room before getting dressed? Would you be fine with people staring in and seeing those things? Having a good look?

that's why some of us ensure we DO have privacy, because we DO care 🤷

Lockheart · 14/06/2021 11:45

@slashlover

You can’t really control where your initial gaze falls, as a PP mentioned humans have a wide peripheral vision.

If you can't control not turning your head to the side then you have a problem.

Do you never breastfeed the baby in the living room? Does older DD (not sure of age) never wander around the living room before getting dressed? Would you be fine with people staring in and seeing those things? Having a good look?

If you're wandering around undressed in front of open windows then that's your own look out.

If you do it deliberately and often enough then the police may well want to speak to you about flashing...

Original poster
LittleRa · 14/06/2021 11:46

@slashlover

You can’t really control where your initial gaze falls, as a PP mentioned humans have a wide peripheral vision.

If you can't control not turning your head to the side then you have a problem.

Do you never breastfeed the baby in the living room? Does older DD (not sure of age) never wander around the living room before getting dressed? Would you be fine with people staring in and seeing those things? Having a good look?

I do breastfeed in the living room, I also breastfeed in cafes, on park benches etc, not bothered about people looking really. DD doesn’t really get changed in living room but when we’re on the beach she gets changed in and out of swimming costume there. I even have sex in my living room sometimes Shock I close the curtains for that Grin

Just to reiterate- it’s not about seeing the people and nosing on what they’re up to.

OP posts:
mygee · 14/06/2021 11:47

I love a quick glance. Especially at Christmas when you can see their Christmas tree all lit up and pretty!

slashlover · 14/06/2021 11:48

If you're wandering around undressed in front of open windows then that's your own look out.

So someone should never breastfeed their baby sitting on the couch or allow their toddler to wander around in just a nappy without closing the curtains or strategically placing plants because some people think it's fine to stare into their house?

I think the response would be different if someone posted that a man passed their house regularly and kept looking in.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 11:49

If you can't control not turning your head to the side then you have a problem.
People do not have to march like little tin soldiers down the street with their gaze pointing straight ahead in case any halfwit gets offended that their room, which is entirely visible to the street, has caught someone's glance.
You can look wherever the hell you please in a public space.

SallySycamore · 14/06/2021 11:50

You're a crytoscopophile OP.

Original poster
LittleRa · 14/06/2021 11:50

@slashlover

If you're wandering around undressed in front of open windows then that's your own look out.

So someone should never breastfeed their baby sitting on the couch or allow their toddler to wander around in just a nappy without closing the curtains or strategically placing plants because some people think it's fine to stare into their house?

I think the response would be different if someone posted that a man passed their house regularly and kept looking in.

Should you always breastfeed hidden? I breastfeed out and about wherever I am.
OP posts:
Original poster
LittleRa · 14/06/2021 11:51

@SallySycamore

You're a crytoscopophile OP.
Glad to have a label Grin I’m also a word nerd so pleased to learn a new one!
OP posts:
fashionablefennel · 14/06/2021 11:53

@slashlover

If you're wandering around undressed in front of open windows then that's your own look out.

So someone should never breastfeed their baby sitting on the couch or allow their toddler to wander around in just a nappy without closing the curtains or strategically placing plants because some people think it's fine to stare into their house?

I think the response would be different if someone posted that a man passed their house regularly and kept looking in.

treat your front rooms like your front garden.

If you are there, people WILL or might look. Up to you if it bothers you or not. You can't stop people glancing or looking from the street.

At the very least, couriers WILL look because they are looking for the street numbers...

Lockheart · 14/06/2021 11:55

@slashlover

If you're wandering around undressed in front of open windows then that's your own look out.

So someone should never breastfeed their baby sitting on the couch or allow their toddler to wander around in just a nappy without closing the curtains or strategically placing plants because some people think it's fine to stare into their house?

I think the response would be different if someone posted that a man passed their house regularly and kept looking in.

Not at all. People can breastfeed or allow their toddlers to wander around in just a nappy to their hearts content - just as they would in public spaces like the beach or the park.

If they don't want people to see, then they need to use another room or use blinds / curtains / privacy film.

The responses would be very different if a man was deliberately standing in their window naked to flash at passers by.

The argument then would not be "just turn your head", I can assure you, nor in fact would that stand up in court when he got hauled in for it.

Just as it wouldn't be a defence if you had a pair of exhibitionists who decided they wanted to shag against their window. What's the problem, you shouldn't be looking in their window after all /s.

People being able to see into your window isn't a crime. People looking into your window isn't a crime in and of itself (it can be part of a sustained pattern of harrassment of course).

If you don't like it then you need to take steps to deal with it.

Original poster
LittleRa · 14/06/2021 11:56

I get what you’re trying to say but I don’t think your example of breastfeeding is quite right- that isn’t an example of something that needs to be hidden. It is and should be done in public (although some may choose not to for personal reasons). Naked toddler, ok a little more but again, nothing that you wouldn’t see at the beach- acceptable in public (again, some may choose not to). However, my example of having sex, or a naked adult- that is not acceptable in public. Would you be naked or have sex in your living room (without curtains drawn etc)? If you wouldn’t then you understand that there’s a chance of being seen/glanced at/caught sight of, and that the un-curtained living room is not the place to do something you wouldn’t want to be seen doing.

OP posts:
HelloBunny · 14/06/2021 11:57

Absolutely no offence intended. Of course there are better-off areas & less salubrious areas. And loads of areas being gentrified, and folk moving into ex-council houses. I like looking at all of the houses!

My place is no palace...

Velvetbee · 14/06/2021 11:57

We have a public school in our city and the quaint streets around it are full of cottages where the masters live. I love wandering through in the evening; their rooms are full of books, quirky pottery and art and they don’t believe in curtains.

In our last house we had a big bay window and people would gaze in. I used to wave.

shivawn · 14/06/2021 12:02

This is why I would hate to have a house directly on the street! We have a small front yard and we have a big willow tree in the middle of it that gives us a lot of privacy! I always close the curtains as soon as it gets dark too.

Seahawk80 · 14/06/2021 12:02

I always do this! I sometimes go to Kensington for work and love looking at all the posh flats there! I don't mind people looking in my windows - I have shutters for when I want privacy.

UrAWizHarry · 14/06/2021 12:06

@fashionablefennel

Actually, yes, if you don't want someone to look, it's on you to protect your privacy.

If your bathroom can be seen from the street and you complain people look at you in the shower, it's your problem.

If your front garden can be seen from the street, you can't complain that people are looking at it either.

If someone climbs your fence or on the top of their car to peer in your house, then you can call the cops.

Obviously people are going to have privicy glass etc for any bathrooms and gardens are an outdoor space.

But no, it's not on someone to have to cover up their windows to prevent obviously nosy cunts having a good stare through your front window.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 12:08

But no, it's not on someone to have to cover up their windows to prevent obviously nosy cunts having a good stare through your front window.
But it is. It really is. You're the one with the problem, not them... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lockheart · 14/06/2021 12:09

But no, it's not on someone to have to cover up their windows to prevent obviously nosy cunts having a good stare through your front window.

Actually it is. There is no legal mechanism which would make the act of looking in your window a crime, unless it is part of a larger pattern of harrassment for example.

Therefore if you don't want people to be able to see into your windows, it's on you to deal with it.

UrAWizHarry · 14/06/2021 12:10

@GreyhoundG1rl

But no, it's not on someone to have to cover up their windows to prevent obviously nosy cunts having a good stare through your front window. But it is. It really is. You're the one with the problem, not them... 🤷🏻‍♀️
No, no I'm not. These people have operating necks. They are making an active choice to be pricks. Just don't fucking look. It's not hard.
GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 12:11

You're still not getting it...