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to not want to continue buying presents for everyone in DH's family, when they only give the cheapest nastiest things in return.

42 replies

littleboo · 20/11/2007 13:17

This argument raises its head ever year in our house. After 13 years of marriage I get really fed up having to buy presents for everyone in dh's family (adults and children.
I don't like to just give something crappy, don't spend a huge amount but like to choose something I think they might actually like. Ever year in return we all(kids as well) get the most rubbishy presents (I have to say not from all of them) in return.
I know its "the thought that counts and all that", but I keep trying to say why don't we just buy for the children, and not the adults. It falls on deaf ears every year. i'm not sure if anyone else in the family feel the same, perhaps they do, but it s bugging me more and more each year. we don't have a huge unneeded pot of money, and with 3 children of our own to buy for, it seems to me such a waste.
Please don't think i am being a "bah Humbug" i love christmas, just find this kind of irritating.

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 20/11/2007 18:49

my dh's family do what i call "pass the gift voucher"

everyone buys everyone else a £10 voucher - for HMV, Waterstones or Woolworths...

at first i thought it was awful and was quite shocked at the lack of thought or effort, now i quite like the lack of stress associated with it all! I don't think it was ever planned like this, but just what it's turned into. I'm not sure what the point is, i don't know why they bother, but at least it is stress free.

my family on the other hand - well it is £50 at least pressies on everyone. totally out of hand.

littleboo · 20/11/2007 19:16

amidaiwish have emailed you re dress btw

OP posts:
littleboo · 20/11/2007 19:16

amidaiwish have emailed you re dress btw

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 20/11/2007 19:28

we stopped giving presents to adults last Christmas - like you sparklyjen I was a little bit sad, mainly for the much less generous reason that I like having presents to open on Christmas day - but I did find a surprisingly huge reduction in stress despite liking Christmas shopping, and was able to stay within quite a reasonable budget.
littleboo, I'd agree that if you state a plan and stick to it, I would bet it will only be 1 year at the most before others follow you.

Ineedacleaner · 20/11/2007 19:31

Oh god don't get me started. I have FIL who every year says what do you want so I tell him and he says oh I will just buy you a voucher why ask then?? Then when we ask him what he wants it is ALWAYS something that costs £30-£40 and we can't afford to spend that on everyone

The corker really is my MIL. She is the least gracious present giver I have ever met. She from now until christmas tell me every time she sees me that we won't be getting much this year cause she is skint. Fine I am not bothered don't get me anything just get the kids -fair enough I think- but she never does, she is the type of present giver that buys something cause it was cheap not cause you will like it.

I would rather get something for 50p that the person thought I would love than £50 that they bought for the sake of it -not that she ever spends that- but she buys things because they are cheap not because she thinks we would like them.

The past 2 years on dd's birthday she has got clothes way to big for her that last years don't even fit her yet and they won't before next year either along with a pair of slippers that almost fit me because????? yep they were cheap.

I have even got a present back that I gave her the year before and it took me 8 months to tell her and that I was so upset by it. The only thing now is that I go out my way to find something she cannot give away next year but then I am torn cause I am putting in way more effort thatn I want to.

mumeeee · 20/11/2007 20:55

Everybody used to buy for everyone in the family. But as our extended family was growing we all decided to just buy for the children. We do buy for my brother who is not marrid and does not have any children as he buys for our children.

Elkat · 20/11/2007 21:05

Its his family let him do it. I take hubby on a day out shopping somewhere, he can choose whatever he wants for his family, and I'll buy the stuff for mine / the kids / him. We split up - get our bits and meet up again later. Works perfectly.

bookofthedeadmum · 20/11/2007 21:07

I buy for my sisters/brother, niece, dd, parents. I've just had a row with dp and informed him since he doens't 'like' Christmas he won't be getting a gift or a card from me .

I gave dp's mum a gift last year which I think absolutely amazed her (her sons give her gift vouchers) but I got nowt from her. Things like this bring out the worst in me I'm afraid.

ibblewob · 20/11/2007 21:20

I really like Carmenere's secret santa idea. Luckily we're still quite young (ish) and are the first in both our families to have 'the next generation', but can definitely see it getting out of hand in the future!

This year I tried to put my foot down with my Mum and say she shouldn't do me a stocking (I've been married for 5 years, she now does one for me, DH and DS who's 2!), just trying to save her some money. She won't listen to me in the slightest - it's very sweet really.

bookofthedeadmum · 20/11/2007 21:32

My Mum stopped doing me a stocking when I was about 30. When I protested, she said stockings were for children and she put her efforts into my dd's stocking now! .

I was a bit surprised by this since she used to fill stockings for my bfs (the ones she liked) as well at Christmas. It'd be nice to open something on Christmas day I'd not wrapped or seen wrapped though.

beeper · 20/11/2007 21:49

LOL - My relgious beliefs don't allow me to keep Christmas...but when I did it was a pain in the aspidistra.

Now that we dont do xmas we plough the money into birhtdays instead, this is better as it gives double the amount they would have had split between the two occasions.

I so enjoy not having the stress and the hassle anymore, it was hard at the start and the twinkly lights do get me a little still but on the whole I don't miss it.

deste · 20/11/2007 22:08

On Hogmany we have a private party at a local hotel. We have a raffle where you have to bring your worst Christmas pressy. It's absolutely hilarious, if you put them all together it looks like a car boot lot.

Mamadadude · 20/11/2007 22:12

Actually what annoys me more is I choose beautiful presents for MIL and FIL and don't even get a bloody thank you! They thank DH on the phone as if HE bought them! AS IF! Weirdly I know they liked them because I've seen them wear them (lovely dressing gowns from John Lewis) Not going to try so hard this year. Where are they selling those bottles of olive oil with stuff in them?

SenoraPostrophe · 20/11/2007 22:17

we're doing a secret santa too, adults, not children (who will get a couple of prezzies from family, but hopefully not too many)

sometimes I wonder where the "just buy for the children" idea came from. children get way too much at xmas.

but anyway, littlebo, why not just get a standard token present for everyone if you really have to buy for them? small tin of roses per family would be in order, i think.

persephonesnape · 20/11/2007 22:30

i get my ex-in-laws presents at the 'next' sale on boxing day!

i think it is a shame when grown ups don't get presents anymore. I'd expect something from my
partner and i'd like something from my children when they get a bit bigger and can buy presents themselves ( I happily settle for the handmade fingerprinted things just now!)

littleboo · 21/11/2007 14:48

Senorapostrophe - yes tin of chocs per family sounds reasonablethis year. next year I definately will make a stand. I also loke the secret santa idea if we have to carry on. Those olive oil bottles..... theres going to a run on them

OP posts:
pud1 · 21/11/2007 15:02

i had the same with my sil. she has 5 kids so it used to cost me a fortune. we just buy kids now but before i had any the last straw came when they gave me the usual cheap bottle of wine the year i bought a pub. how fecking unthoughtfull is that!!!

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