AIBU for putting her in her place?

[DrJPuddleDuck]

AIBU to think I got the better of this office bully?

Colleague (slightly senior to me) has always been a bit ‘off’ with me, lots of subtle undermining, but nothing I could really put my finger on. More recently though, I was offered promotion in another company (I believe a company they have admired for a while) to a position more senior than her. Perhaps understandably, I don’t think they liked this. I am currently working my notice period.

Anyhow, around three weeks ago, my manager called me in to discuss an error in my work. It was indeed an error/oversight, which I immediately corrected and apologised for. It didn’t thankfully, but it could have gotten me in a lot of trouble. My manager also informed me that “a colleague” had bought this to his attention. I was hurt by this, as I would have spoken to any one of my colleagues first, not least because it was clearly an oversight that was so easily corrected. I immediately suspected this person, but obviously had no proof, which made me suspicious of all my colleagues and really affected me. I discussed the situation again with my manager last week and said how it was affecting me, as I couldn’t understand why whoever had spoken to him, didn’t just speak to me first. I said I felt like I’d been to thrown under the bus. In response to this, my manager informed me (perhaps inappropriately) that it was the colleague I had suspected originally who had spoken to them. For context, this colleague would never have seen this error if they hadn’t been going through my work, as it was not a piece of work they were involved in.

Yesterday I saw this colleague, who wasn’t expecting to see me (as we often work in different offices). She couldn’t very well turn around and walk out, so sat down, but looked extremely awkward and avoided eye contact with me. We were alone in the office which likely made it worse for her. I asked how she was, and got short responses. I then suddenly got this urge to not let her win and to let her know that I knew what she’d done (very unlike me!!) I said “oh, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning it, but (manager) let me know that you reported me for X. I just wanted to thank you SO much for letting (manager) know, or otherwise the error might have gone undetected”. She looked horrified, but it felt so good! Not only does she now know that I know, but she also knows our manager (who presumably she was trying to undermine me in front of) has betrayed her trust and it’s not got me in the trouble she was clearly hoping for. She also must have known that I was being passive-aggressive in thanking her, even though I said it smiling. I leave next week and feel like I’ve won the war.

AIBU to feel proud of myself? Part of me thinks I might regret embarrassing her at some point!

[Tanfastic]

@Strokethefurrywall

I think good for you OP. I don’t believe in “rising above” when it leaves you feeling shit.

The “moral high ground” is a stick to beat people with under the guise of being a better person but sometimes, the better way is calling out bullshit like this.

Bullies continue to bully because nobody pulls them up on their behavior under the guise of “being the better person”.

Next time she’ll think twice about being a massive dickbag 🤷🏽‍♀️

I agree with this.

Having a colleague subtly undermining you day in day is soul destroying. I left a company I'd been with for years because of this and because the bosses wouldn't do anything about it, thought I was imagining it/taking it the wrong way etc.

I do hope you've not got your manager in the shit though.

[WildfirePonie]

Well done OP.

I first wondered if your soon to be ex colleague created the mistake to get you into trouble?

[DrSbaitso]

Honestly impossible to say without hearing her story too. We don't know why she didn't like you, although it's not impossible that you seeing this as a "war" and attempting to get a PA dig in as you leave has something to do with it.

[Sittinonthesand]

Presumably it was a serious mistake as you’ve said you’d have got into lots of trouble. She did the right thing in telling line manager as she presumably knows you don’t have a good relationship. She may have felt that it was too serious to cover up ~ her duty is to the company, not you. She certainly wouldn’t have wanted to risk being seen as complicit.

Snitches? Wtf? Unless you are a member of an OCG, I don’t see how this is relevant. Safeguarding?

[Chickychickydodah]

Good for you ! I hate sneaky back stabbing people. There are too many of them these days 😡

[Billandben444]

Personally I wouldn't have gone back to my manager to ask him who'd blabbed but taken the fact I'd made a potentially serious error on the chin. Would you have spoken to your colleague in the same way if you hadn't been leaving? No, I thought not. There's nothing brave about answering back passive-aggressively to someone like her (and I don't agree she's a bully) when you're in retreat. None of you have come out of this well.

[DeadGood]

Why are people being so weird on this thread?

Well done OP, she sounds like a bully, and you did the right thing to confront her over it.

[Divebar2021]

The only contretemps I had with a colleague related to her insistence on flagging things up to my entire team rather than asking me. ( when I was in fact sat in the next office doing the task she was waiting for). In your situation she had no reason to be checking your work and the fact she flagged it to your manager and not you tells me what kind of person she is. You are much better out of it.

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

I think you did the right thing OP, being up front with people like that (eg asking them a direct question or telling them you don't like how they handled it) can cause a load of drama when they get upset and accuse you of bullying back.

However it's an odd culture where a mistake that is spotted by your peers is easily and quickly corrected but when it is notified to more senior managers can get you in a lot of trouble.

[GoddessKali]

I think you did great and I’ve enjoyed your post - so well done for sticking up for yourself!! 🙌

[Derekhello]

@NewJobNervous

All these previous posters have clearly never been bullied at work!

This!
Good on you Op, have experienced this kind of crap at work myself and what I was accused of was untrue, it was done with spite and it wasn’t dealt with, so tough on me basically! I absolutely get where you’re coming from. Good luck in your new job

[Brownteddybear]

I think you were unprofessional to a) keep badgering your manager about how much I had affected you that your mistake was made known to them and b) to land your manager in it since you are leaving anyway

You got a promotion at a company that sou

[Brownteddybear]

Sent too soon

Your new promotion is enough for you to hold

[Immunetypegoblin]

I get this OP. She was not motivated by altruism when she went through your work, and you both know it. You've politely let her know that you're aware she was going through your work, and made the right professional noises in response. There's nothing that she can say you did wrong in your response, but the fact that you addressed it directly will have unsettled her. I'd quietly enjoy that as well

[SwanShaped]

I agree people are being weird on this thread. I hope this is the start of you being more assertive and calling people out. You dealt with it well, everything is out in the open. And what’s the woman who reported you gonna do? Ask the manager not to have mentioned it to you? Or not said it was her who mentioned it? That’ll just make her look like even more of a dick.

[Brownteddybear]

To hold your head up high and move on (win the war whatever)

[Peachee]

What a vile bully! Good for you standing up for yourself.. it’s a good job she said it after you had secured your new job as surely this could have affected any references you may have needed from your new employer. She obviously wanted to give one last stab of the knife and luckily you turned It around and she got it back.. happy ending to a somewhat miserable employment for you! Well done and congratulations on your new job.
I have to agree with an above poster that this is why I LOVE working from home! I hate office drama. It’s soul destroying.

[Seriously79]

Well done OP there have been many of times I wish I'd had the balls to do something like this.

[itsgettingwierd]

I'm one that agrees you did well.

Not for you alone but for future colleagues of hers.

If she thinks she won't have the power to confidentially report stuff rather than speak to colleagues face to face (where applicable not where you actually have to report) it may make her think twice in future.

A sense of power is not healthy in some people.

[Confusedandshaken]

"put her in her place' seems such an unpleasant choice of phrase. As if you are inherently superior to her and she should accept her lowly position in life and not question you or your work.

I think it's good you are leaving there. It sounds like a very unpleasant place to work with people (including you) scheming and backbiting. Hopefully you will be able to encourage a more supportive atmosphere in your new role.

[SpeakingFranglais]

Well done OP, I feel she will think twice again about being a bitch.

[edel2]

@UhtredRagnarson

Won the war?
Cringe!!

Being nasty to a stranger on Mumsnet is what's cringe

[edel2]

@WellLarDeDar

If you needed that then good on you OP. No harm done, you're leaving now so you can just forget about it and start fresh.

This 🙌🏻

[PhilCornwall1]

So you've dropped your line manager in it just to try and score some points. They certainly will be glad you are almost out the door.

It's daft to burn bridges when you are leaving.