to be a bit miffed about my friends comments?

[Jaypreen]

Hi all. My 6 year old daughter's friend's mum and I are fairly good friends. We're both single mum's and we enjoy a good old chinwag with each other when the girls are together. She's nice, funny and friendly we share a few similar interests and are from fairly similar backgrounds - her and I. Today though she said something that I found a bit disturbing. Our two girls go to a catholic primary school where they get a bit of religious teaching. Nothing that could be considered fire and brimstone lectures or anything like that. It's very light, in that they do a short prayer three times a day learn about Jesus a bit, that sort of thing. My friend said in a rather mocking tone that her DD keeps coming home "with all this stuff about god and jesus" and "she keeps trying to convince me that god exists" and that "she gets all het up when I tell her I don't believe in god ". She told her [and these were her actual words] : " Look if you want me to believe in god then prove that god exists"! Her dd was disturbed according to my friend and she told her father all about it. He as a rather devout catholic was furious at her telling her this. My friend was actually rather proud of herself for being in her mind, the voice of critical thinking - or something like that. I tried not to react at all, but I have to confess - I was a bit disturbed and I'm not great at hiding my feelings.

I'm of Italian descent was brought up a rather strictly and I do believe in god. But I'm perfectly accepting and understanding of anyone who doesn't. I don't feel the need to convince anyone of what I believe and I'm not at all upset, shocked or perturbed that my friend doesn't believe, or is so anti. But I thought this was a very insensitive way to talk to this little girl, who through no fault of her own has found herself at a catholic school getting a 'Catholic education'. Surely there are better ways to break this information to her rather than being so blunt? How on earth can a child of six prove to her that god exists for goodness sake? Anyhow, the more I think of it, the more disturbed I am.

What do you think? Am I over reacting? x

[Embroideredstars]

My ds comes home from a non catholic school talking about God. DH and I are not religious just let him carry on he'll work out what he wants to believe himself.ni just tell him not everyone believes the same a d to be respectful of others' views.

It's not wrong of your friend to tell her dd that she doesn't believe, the "prove it" bit is a but unreasonable at her age but she could talk in gentler terms a lot different religions and belief systems.

[headintheproverbial]

I'm still reeling that you think praying three times a day is 'light'

[toocold54]

I don’t believe in God but when my DD asks me I say I don’t know what I believe, as I don’t want to force my own beliefs on her as I want her to feel comfortable believing in God if that’s what she wants and that I won’t judge her for it.

[firedog]

I went to catholic school for most but it all of my education. There was no debate about whether god and the bible were true. Parents were all catholic. I later moved & went to a community school which is what I choose for my DC.
I think it's a bit mean to send a child to catholic primary then at 6 ask them to question it. Maybe Yr6 but not age 6

[NiceGerbil]

Is it possible that she

Changed what she actually said for dramatic impact

And/ or

Was trying to wind you up

?

What did you say in response?

Her choice of a RC school when she's got animosity with her ex and he's devout seems very very odd.

I'm an athiest raised RC and have always been open with my children who went to a CofE primary.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

She shouldn’t send her child to a catholic school and then mock her for believing in god! That’s just shitty for the poor child.

She could easily have told the child in another way that not everyone believes in god etc.

[askingrandomsonlinemighthelp]

Getting little kids to say prayers three times a day to a big invisible man in the sky is the most disturbing thing in all this. These schools shouldn't be allowed.

[Doingtheboxerbeat]

@stackemhigh I also don’t agree about atheists being more judgemental than religious folk . Atheists I'm my experience generally don't
have opinions on whether you are good or bad or how you live your life based on what/who you believe in - they tend to judge on deeds, as it should be .

[kittycorner]

You sound very respectful of others beliefs @Jaypreen and unfortunately your friend isn't. She definitely didn't handle that well and it's unfair on her dc for her to speak that way rather than give an emotionally intelligent answer that explains how different people have different opinions and beliefs about God, like she and Daddy do and that everyone has a right to their beliefs. Her response was very immature, and hopefully her daughter doesn't think speaking to people like that about their belief system is okay. It isn't.

[kittycorner]

I wanted to add I have friends from all walks of life and religions. I will say one of my atheist acquaintances tells her dc to go to school and tell kids God doesn't exist. She's 7. But apparently she's no allowed to tell them that Father Christmas isn't real. I have always thought she pushes her kids to be like her. It's unfortunate, not b/c she is an atheist, but because she speaks so condescending of religions and people with different views and is teaching her dc to do the same.

[MindyStClaire]

It sounds like she got the tone wrong, although we're reading it third hand, so it wasn't necessarily as confrontational or mocking as it reads here. However, I think she's right not to hide her beliefs, or to gently challenge what's presented as fact in school but is actually faith.

I was raised Catholic in a Catholic school (Irish, not much choice!), but always knew my dad was an atheist. He was never disrespectful, it was done light-heartedly in an age appropriate manner, and it did us no harm at all.

I do think it would be strange and over the top for this one incident to damage your friendship.

[SaturdayRocks]

She is effectively making fun of her child and her child’s beliefs. Clearly, that is not OK.

DH is (non-practicing) Catholic, and our DC are Christened Catholic.

DS started at a Presbyterian school last year, and so has had his first foray into religion and Christianity.

He has - obviously - asked us if we believe in God. DH has said yes. I have said I don’t know. Because I don’t. Let’s be honest - nobody does. But he - DS - is allowed to believe whatever he wants.

He wanted to go to the school’s Easter Service, and he also wanted to go to church on Easter Sunday. DH and I made both those things happen for him.

I’m fairly sure much of it is because it’s a novelty, and he’s a curious person. But as long as it’s important to him, then it’s important to us, and we will be respectful of him. Because isn’t that absolute base-level, minimal requirement parenting?

[DontBeRidiculous]

Your friend sounds awful. That's no way to speak to a 6-year-old! If she didn't want her child to learn about Jesus and God, she made two mistakes-- first, having a child with a religious man, and second, sending her child to a Catholic school.

She's mistreating her child and should be ashamed of herself!

[CrumpetyTea]

I think she is trying to counter what the school is saying -but in a very cack-handed manner. She's not randomly saying this to the child but in response to her daughter keeping trying to convince her that god exists.
School won't be very good at distinguishing between fact and opinion and children will assume everything is fact. A belief that if you are not catholic/ don't believe in god means that you will go to hell will for the children feel like a fact and must be very upsetting for the little girl.
And I think the choice of school is a red herring- it may be part of her agreement with her ex that her daughter is brought up catholic- its a state school that she is entitled to send her child to and/or it may be the best all-round education.

[user1471549213]

My 6 year old is also in a Catholic school.and learning about Jesus and God. It is more about being kind and relationships than fire and brimstone as you say.

If your friend is so opposed to Catholicism then she needs to remove her child from.the school. You do not get into a heated debate about God with a 6 year old. You allow them to form opinions for themselves. My husband does not believe in God although raised Catholic. I would like to think there is something up there and our souls stay connected when all thie is over but its more of an ideal for me than something I believe happens. My pils passed away in recent years and we tell our children that their souls are in heaven. Why would you question that of a child? I think your friend is very unreasonable.

[Unsure33]

My parents we’re atheists but let us as children form our own views . I chose to go to a Sunday school and do bible studies for quite a few years . My sister did not .

Everyone should be free to make up their own minds.
The same with politics .
By all means your friend should discuss questions from the daughter but I think if she was mocking and judging the school that is wrong .

If she was a true friend she would know that is being disrespectful to you as well . There are ways of saying things and having discussions without being so rude.

[Plumedenom]

Praying three times a day isn't "light". Ds goes to an Italian Catholic school and they only have one Catholic lesson a week and no prayees. She handled it really poorly and it's particularly harsh when she sent DD there...and she's 6. Nuts.

[Mypathtriedtokillme]

My Dd goes to a Catholic school as her dad is Catholic while I am not a believer at all.

Dd knows I don’t believe in God as it been chatted about in the context of everyone believes in different things and no one should think their beliefs are more important than anyone else’s as it’s an individuals choice.
We have talked about other belief systems and where different faiths have come from.
I also clearly can’t help her with her religion homework.

Telling your child you don’t believe isn’t a terrible thing, mocking their choices is.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@Plumedenom

Praying three times a day isn't "light". Ds goes to an Italian Catholic school and they only have one Catholic lesson a week and no prayees. She handled it really poorly and it's particularly harsh when she sent DD there...and she's 6. Nuts.

I agree. Three times a day is heavy stuff.

In your position, I would find a way of slipping this into conversation. Ask her if she’d be happier if her dd were in another school?

[grapewine]

@Captpike

I don't it more disturbing that the child is distressed and the prospect if her mum not believing on God.

Agreed. And imo praying three times a day is not "light"!

[tensmum1964]

@headintheproverbial

I'm still reeling that you think praying three times a day is 'light'

Totally agree with this. Praying 3 times a day seems excessive and a bit evangelical. I don't agree with the way your friend handled the situation with her daughter. There are much better ways to teach children about different belief systems but I fail to understand why an Atheist would send their child to a Catholic school. As an Atheist this is not something I would have ever considered, especially such a young impressionable child.

[araiwa]

I'm sure the school presented a balanced view when trying to indoctrinate a child

[tensmum1964]

A lot of people talk about "respecting the religious beliefs of others" Whilst I don't ridicule people's beliefs, the idea that I should respect those beliefs is pretty ridiculous. I respect people's rights to practice their religion but not the religion itself.

[custardbear]

This is exactly why religion doesn't belong in schools except for teaching it as theory!
The his squad trying to gather their lambs at an early age.
She did handle it badly though