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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect ds's friend to not arrive 20 mins early every morning for school?

27 replies

sasquatch · 01/11/2007 20:30

I have just worked out that I am getting up 15 mins earlier than I need to. That 15 mins is important to me!
Ds thinks I am being rude and anti-social to complain, and friend is a lovely boy.

OP posts:

3Ddonut · 01/11/2007 20:31

sasquatch....what are you on about??!!! I clicked on this thinking the other one would make sense????aarrgghhh

Original poster

sasquatch · 01/11/2007 20:55

God, sorry,
Ds needs to leave for school at 8.am. we get up at 7.am. Now friend is coming too and turns up at 7.40 !!! and ds is not dressed and I am badly needing second cup of tea.
Recently I am getting up 6.45 to be ready for him.
I always let him in to wait but ds then rushes off forgetting to wash, pick up lunch, phone etc and it isnt nice.
sounds petty but it was, is bugging me.

OP posts:

3Ddonut · 01/11/2007 20:57

is there a reason they are so desperate to get to school, how old are they?

Sorry, I kind of rained your parade there earlier didn;t I????!!!!

Original poster

sasquatch · 02/11/2007 08:14

They are 12. Today ds wasnt even here when friend arrived at 7.40 as I had sent him out to get milk. I told friend (nicely) they didnt need to leave until 8.00.

I was thinking they were just happy to go to school, am I being naive? (sp)Perhaps they're up to something.

OP posts:

Doubletop · 02/11/2007 08:16

Why can't you just say please could you come at 8 instead of twenty to? He's a child! Youre the adult! If youre polite, how could he mind?

colditz · 02/11/2007 08:21

Just don't allow him to leave until 8.

I doubt very much they are up to anything, they are at that age when being together is better than with parents!

3littlebats · 02/11/2007 08:21

Perhaps he is put out of his own house because parents leave for work? Could you just put him in a corner to read his book or something while you have your second cup of tea? Dss' friends are all quite used to seeing me in my dressing gown, hair stuck up on end, cup of tea in hand etc. Make sure your ds has everything ready to go, at the door the night before, then there is less chance of him not being organised.

TBH I would be quite glad that they were keen to go to school - mine had to be dragged out of bed 5 minutes before the bus was due to leave

2shoeswhizzbangwoosh · 02/11/2007 08:56

when I was at secondry I used to call for a friend early. reason.....I like to sit in her house and wait for her. my mum was ill and it was lonely at home.
could he have a reason like that?

pagwatch · 02/11/2007 08:59

you don't have to get up until 7.00 !!!!

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 02/11/2007 09:00

A friend of ds1's used to do this - because his mum worked and he didn't like being in the house on his own.

Don't worry about being 'ready' for him - he probably doesn't even notice Just let him in and make him wait.

Original poster

sasquatch · 02/11/2007 09:00

Yes, I will tell him again. think he is on his own at home and I really dont mind him coming, well maybe just a bit.
really i am glad they are happy to go off.
Just grumpy in the morning.

OP posts:

ExplosiveScienceT · 02/11/2007 09:01

Don't answer the door until you are ready

Original poster

sasquatch · 02/11/2007 09:05

He seems to spend a lot of time at home alone doing his own thing. I dont want him to be left out, I just want ds to have time to get ready without being distracted. and for them to leave at 8.
Ds just diagnosed with high functioning autism and organisational skills difficult for him, I guess that is why I would prefer he had the time undisturbed to get his stuff together and not have me do it.

OP posts:

SSSandy2 · 02/11/2007 09:13

Ask him to do the dishes whilst you lot get ready. He won't come early again

pagwatch · 02/11/2007 09:15

sasquatch

(I am going to post and then duck)

Eldest is Nt but is 14 and has different kit etc every day.
DS2 has profound asd and needs to be eased into the day with all his stuff organised.
DD is 5 and gets up when she likes.

I get up at 6.00 so that i am ahead of them. So that I am ready myself and then I can focus on them, especially DS2. I am NOT a morning person but I do it so that they are comforatble and ready and calm. It has taken me about 10 years to get the hang of it.

If DS2- with all his AS difficulties had a friend who he liked and who would come and meet him I would dance the dance of joy!

I get eldest son trainned to get his stuff ready the night before and I lay out DS2's things and he has a list of his jobs in the morning including teeth brusdhing etc which he has to complete before the bus comes. I am dressed and ready and can oversee these things easily.
Between those things we start the day well

So what I am saying (puts on hard hat)... the gain of an organised morning.. ( slips on running shoes) ...and your DS having a friend who seems to want and need him...( edges towards the door) ...is far more valuable than your 15 minutes in bed ..( LEGS IT)...

(sorry )

AskSanta · 02/11/2007 09:31

If he's a nice boy I would just let him in, make him feel welcome enough to feel 'at home' (eg sit in lounge and watch TV) and then get on with things as if he wasn't here so to speak.

I think its really nice that your son has such a good friend. I would just hold on to that thought and think what the alternative could be.

bubblagirl · 02/11/2007 09:38

tell your ds unless he is more organised then you wont invite his friend in we used to go earkly to a friends or them to us but our parents said only if we done what we would normaqly do friends were aware as it was same at there house get him to pack his phone night before make sure he washes when he gets up

Doodledootoo · 02/11/2007 09:39

Message withdrawn

SeaShells · 02/11/2007 09:42

Oh this is what has been happening here too. We literally live opposite the school gates and despite not needing to be there until 8:50amish DS's friend has been turning up at 8:15am everyday!! I feel awful telling him DS is not ready yet and having to watch him stand at the gates alone for over 30mins, but don't want him sat in the house while I'm trying to get us all ready. I've tried telling him not to come so early and it lasts a few days then goes back to the same old again.

kimisparkles · 02/11/2007 09:44

Well said pagwatch, are you my long lost twin?

lennygirl · 02/11/2007 12:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sasquatch · 02/11/2007 13:30

Had to go off as school phoned to say ds is misbehaving and teacher wanted to phone me. Now I am left wondering "what is going on?"

Oh yes I do always let him in and he waits so nicely it is ds who is distractable. Friend being in house is enough to end all previous plan of getting ready.

Thanks Pagwatch you are so right, I am really happy for him as this is the only friend ds has EVER had and wouldnt want to do anything to jeopardise their friendship.
So I think I have my answer.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 02/11/2007 13:36

Doodle - the thing is being crap at getting up is combined with being crap at housework, crap at coking and crap at driving. Whoever it is that believe that our children choose us clearly think my kids are barking.

kimi - are you very beautiful with long legs? If so then..no.

Sasquatch. Seriously the mornings get easier after about the first ten or eleven years.

Hope all is ok with the school

DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 13:41

I have the same problem, though not as extreme as you (I don't have to get up early). Ds1 goes to a school 5 mins walk away. School starts at 8:45. His friend used to call for him as early as 8:15 and clearly expected to go off to school straightaway but all I could see was that this was giving them time to get up to mischief so I complained to ds1 and the boy now seems to arrive at about 8:25. It is some improvement I suppose.

Original poster

sasquatch · 02/11/2007 13:48

I am not going to let them go before 8.
It has been such a joy to hear ds and friend laughing together that I love having him round anytime.

OP posts:

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