To be very annoyed with parents-in-law! (Dog owners' opinions welcome)

[StrawberryMartini]

Parents-in-law live one hour away.

We have lived in our house for 3 years.

They have been here twice. Once for the first Christmas we were there (Boxing Day), and once when DS was born (he is now 18 months).

Their excuse for not coming over: THE BLOODY DOG.

They have a boxer. Apparently she is far more important than seeing their own grandson and they cannot possibly leave her for a few hours.

We always have to go over there and I've had enough. I've invited them for Christmas but yet again, they won't because of the damn dog.

Apologies to dog owners, but there's no way that dog is setting foot in this house. She's boisterous and smells and dribbles. I have never let her anywhere near ds for fear of her harming him. She has bruised my leg from jumping up at me. And yes, I do have a slight fear of dogs. But that's not the point.

So AIBU to think that they should make the effort? Yes, they are both in their 70s, but very active and both able to drive. My mum comes over every 2 or 3 weeks and she lives 1hr 20 min away.

Oh and they are often going away on holidays and will happily leave the dog in kennels. I just don't get it.

DH is a wimp by the way and won't say what he thinks to them, so if I don't say something we'll probably end up going over to theirs again.

Agree with freckle...

We have other ishoos with our IL's and now no longer accept silly excuses for them not to visit. If they don't want to, they don't want to.

YANBU, why cant they leave the dog at home for a couple of hours while they come to visit. I can understand if they are staying overnight or pretty much all day, as dogs are pack animals and need the company.

Would you agree to a compromise and have the dog over but it is to stay in your garden?

My dps mum has babysat for us a few times (my children not dp's so she isnt granny) and she has bought her dog with her.
Never asked me beforehand, just bought him along, apaprently her husband wont allow her to leave him at home if she is out.
It never really bothered me til we moved house, and she came to help, and took the flipping dog to my new house with a load of boxes and furniture, I was terrified that there would be dog poo in my new garden or dog hairs on my new carpet.
She hasnt babysat here yet, I have no idea what I'll say if she brings the dag, if I say anything.
Oh, and I have cats, that dont like the dog, so they have to go out
So IMO, no YANBU at all.
IT'S A DOG FFS.

I don't see why they can't leave the dog for, say, 5 hours. That's perfectly reasonable.

We live almost an hour from my parents, they have two border collies. As long as they have a walk before they're left, my parents will happily drive over, stay for a couple of hours, and then drive back. Dogs absolutely fine, and everybody's happy.

I can see why they couldn't leave a dog for the whole of Christmas though - I assume that they wouldn't just be over for an hour or two, and would have to leave the dog for the whole day? This wouldn't be fair on the animal, but yes - if a sitter/kennel is an option for Christmas day, then they are just being selfish for not coming over.

Yanbu - and it does sound as though they're using the dog as an excuse.
If it's important to you as a family that they come over, could you offer to pay for the kennels to make it possible? Perhaps as their Christmas present (or part of it)?
Something along the lines of "I know how difficult it is for you to leave (dog) but we'd love you to spend time with us and and your grandchild - how about if we pay for the kennels for you?"
If they turn that down then it does sound as though it's about something else, not the dog - although some people do treat their dogs as substitute children.

There is no way my ILs would leave their dog for 5 hours, either. They even made DH take time off from his University degree just after he told them he was struggling with motivation to come look after the dog when they went on holiday(!).

So agree YANBU, but all you can do is seethe, they are too old to change their ways.

I take my dog everywhere practicable with me as he is a springer and suffers a little with separation anxiety. I happily leave him for three hours but only in the day as the barking won't annoy anyone (live opposite building site and we live in a detached).

At night or when I go to college/work for a couple of hours I take him in the car. He is perfectly happy in the car (as the car is smelly with his blanket in it and he thinks its home too).

If the dog destroys stuff then he can easily stay in the car - in site of the window if poss. til he gets used to it. My dog knows my routine now and everywhere we take him in the car he just curls up and goes to sleep, knowing that we will be back in an hour or two.

You gave them an invitation.
They declined, end of story.

You get to spend Christmas with people who don't threaten to cut you out of their lives if they don't do as they want you to do.

The fact that they decline your invitation does not mean that you have to go to their place.

Plus this does not make neither you or your husband disrespectful.

One day we all we be part of the 'old timers brigade'.

They just don't want to come over...that's it.

Maybe they don't dig toddlers, or are afraid they are going to be asked to babysit.

I am afraid of toddlers.

Maybe they have found in a dog what they never found in children, who knows?

Maybe they have a fear of crime?

I lived 'round the corner' from my inlaws and they came round 2 times in four years. We had no dog.

Enjoy your family anyway.

Do you actually want them to come for Xmas? Because unless you're desperate for their company over the turkey I think I'd just let sleeping dogs lie (sorry!).

Yes, it does sound like a feeble excuse. Let them get on with it!

Although maybe kennels over Xmas are scarce/expensive compared with holiday season?