Really struggling for gift for terminally ill father

[LastChristmas20]

Oh Mumsnet.

Please can you help me with gift inspiration?

My dad's always been hard to buy for. But this Christmas is hardest of all.

He's very unwell (MND) and this will most likely be his last Christmas.

He can no longer eat most foods. Cant read anymore as it's too hard on his eyes. Cant use electronics unless they're very basic and even then is losing those skills.

I had thought about Bluetooth headphones and an audible subscription. But he won't be able to manage the headphones and I imagine the subscription wouldn't get used.

(He's also understandably depressed so finds little joy in most things)

So far all he has from me is a new sweater, a Snapfish calendar and some toiletries.

Any ideas at all would be really welcome please.

I would have thought a digital photo frame or a device for video calls (like an Alexa with a screen or there’s a Facebook one) might be worth considering.

Has he got a pet? You could buy presents for the pet.

Or blankets or pillows with family pictures printed on.

Dun Elm do some wonderfully soft fleece blankets- would that bring him comfort?

I can’t recommend a heated throw strongly enough. I got one for my DM when she was dying and it was wonderful. Dreamland do them.

I second the bird feeder suggestion too.

Heated throws are amazing. I am snuggled under one now. I have bought my mum, sister and aunt one for Christmas.

favorite flowers

I bought my terminally ill brother large soft cotton t- shirts and boxers which were easy to get on and off, so he could have clean comfy clothing for his last few days in the hospice. God I miss that wonderful man...

How about clothes that are easy for him to be dressed in? Things to make him comfortable. An Alexa device if he has sufficient speech? The thought matters more than the value too, and time with him the most precious of all

I would just go for comfy pyjamas, a nice blanket maybe. Both my parents died and they wouldn't have liked to receive a load of 'sentimental' gifts.. Each to their own and everyone is different but we just sort of tried not to focus on the fact it was the last Christmas.

sushinelove

What about a photo of someone close to him printed on a cushion?Something he can feel and touch?

That's made me cry!

Lovely idea. So is the bird table one.

OP. Peace and all the best to you and your dear father.

Comfort stuff? Something cashmere for his feet?

Electric blanket?

Something that smells nice?

@LastChristmas20 I just wanted to reach out because my dad also has MND, and so I totally get it. I’m also struggling with Christmas presents for him and will look at all the ideas on this thread.

My dad has no speech left, limited swallowing, and little mobility. We don’t know if it will be his last Christmas, but if he is around next year, I don’t think he will be in a good state.

It is such a rare and horrible disease, not many people really understand what it’s like living through it. I’m so sorry your dad has got it, it is really hard on the whole family.

I think the digital photo frame and photo collage blanket are lovely ideas. Does he enjoy reminiscing? Could you put together a video of photos with family and friends telling stories about the happy memories that go with them?

If he is drinking liquids, a freezer full of good ice cream for making milkshakes might be nice.

You know your DF best so I a guessing that you know he would enjoy an audible subscription. Maybe you could post a different thread to find a way to make that work for him? Can he use a touch screen? Would the app be easier for him to use than Alexa? Could he play pre-recorded commands on a phone to operate Alexa (not just for audible, other Alexa skills too)? Would traditional audio books on a CD be easier?

Hello OP

I'm really sorry that you and your DDad find yourselves in this situation,. You don't say how old your dad is, but if he is into music and his favourite artist/band are still around why don't you ask them to record a few words on video for your Dad. I know of artists that are doing this, and It could be directed towards lockdown etc rather than what it could be perceived to be.

If he's not into music you could consider sport if he follows rugby, football, cycling etc.

Sorry if you think this is a bit rubbish.....virtual flowers and hugs to you and your Dad.

For what it's worth, I'm planning to get a planter with some early bulbs in for my dad, so he can watch them from his window. But they are moving to an accessible house in January so it will have to be a housewarming present rather than a Christmas present.

I think the digital photo frame is a really good idea. I'm going to do that.

Sounds a bit lame but when DH was dying, his favourite Christmas present was the Teddy blanket my mum bought him. He would sit with it over his lap and then when he was in hospital in his final days he had the bed made up with the blanket to bring him comfort.

The last gift I gave my dad was a huge photo album full of pictures of my brother, me and him from us being babies in roughly age order up until our teens. Then I added any pictures of him and his grandchildren at the end.

Some really comfy clothes, pyjamas or bedding if he's spending a lot of time in bed?

Flower subscription

Oh OP it’s hard with MND and they get so depressed / fed up as their body is failing but mind is all there. It’s a cruel horrible disease I’ve seen first hand with a family member.

It’s hard to by for them as like you said their speech goes and movements and probably only eye sight will remain. I would say the digital photo frame is a nice idea. Maybe a subscription to something on the telly (Netflix etc)