The In Laws are not very willing to travel

[littlelong1]

I've been with my fiance for almost 4yrs. Known each other for 6 yrs. My mum traveled between East & West for 2 years to help with DS birth & babysit for me so I could go back to college. Without my parents we wouldn't have coped. My fiance's family wont leave their county for us, but will go overseas for hols and have to travel fair distance to get to SIL.

I had very close family loss mth before DS was due. Because of this, I decided to have him Christened in the family church (it's been used by my family for at least 4/5 generations). I gave everyone 3 mths notice. Not one of fiance's lot were willing to travel for the only DGS's Christening.

Theres pleanty of other times they've not bothered to come across. Not even the odd wkend. How can you raise a child to feel a sense of family if one side is ok to be the other side of the country? I feel sometimes like taking the moral high ground because we have to go over to the West if we are going to see them at all.

Is it bad of me to wish they would shoulder some of the cost & time to come see us for once? It's not that easy to do a long distance trip with an 18mth old.

I guess from you PILs point of view, they have more than one family with grandchildren to visit. But I don't think you are being at all unreasonable to be miffed they cannot make more of an effort, as they are relatively young and active.

We also live in the south east and our ds'c only grandparent lives in the south west. She doesn't visit us - we visit her. But that's absolutely fine. She has more space to put us up and we go to see her in holiday time for a week or so and get to enjoy the nearby beaches. If she travelled to London, we'd have to give our house a major spring clean and totally transform the spare room. She is a houseproud person and my dh (her son) would die of shame if our house wasn't up to her standards. When I think of the work involved in preparation for her visit, it's just as well she is fine about us visiting her instead I think she knows the reason why we too are keen on this arranagement.

I wonder if you may be facing a similar situation? Are your inlaws very fussy about tidyness and things being 'just so'?

Ahh. Thanks Bouncingturtleskulls for the tip.

Sorry if I made that unclear, it was held at our end, in the church I wanted. Think DP was disapointed his lot didn't make it, but 30 of mine made up for the numbers.

Honestly Tigermoth, not really. They like being tidy where possible, but neither of them are particularly house proud.

Was summed up to a T when FIL said to DP thanks but no, when he was invited to BIL's stag do at ours. FIL is content to have a couple down the local and go back home 'that's me'....How often is your only DD going to marry? (least for the first time)

One of them things??

Don't expect anything and you can only end up pleasantly surprised is the conclusion I have reached, especially when it comes to family.

Also be careful with what you wish for. They might suddenly give you what you are presently asking for and you will end up having them living in your basement (dead or alive is then the question).

Don't waste your energy worrying about them and how much time they spend with your child. They don't sound as if they are worth it.

If you really want them to spend time with your child you could always invite them over for dinner, or ask them if they could babysit for you. That is what we ended up doing.
We have to do all the driving when they babysit (apparently 1 hours drive is too much for some people ), and we have to do all the asking and arranging. That way they can act as if they are doing us huge favours. You do learn to look the other way and enjoy your break though . And the children love to go see them, but you know what they were just as happy when they did not go to see them (we used to not ask them as well because "if they (grandparents) don't want to see our children then who are we to force them").

"Theres pleanty of other times they've not bothered to come across. Not even the odd wkend. How can you raise a child to feel a sense of family if one side is ok to be the other side of the country?"
It is up to you and your fiance to raise your child to believe in what you believe in. Set the example that you would like your child to follow. It is not the grandparents' responsibility to raise your child.