Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a 12 year age gap is just too big

44 replies

talulasmum · 20/10/2007 13:27

my sister is 42. she is going to marry a man of 30.

trying to be happy for her but have my doubts.

aibu

OP posts:
NAB3 · 20/10/2007 14:52

Give them some credit that they will have discussed all of this.

Elasticwoman · 20/10/2007 15:03

Actually I disagree that 30 is v young. IMO if you don't know your own mind by 30 you never will! Which is not to say that none of us ever change our minds - that's a risk they must both be aware of. There's a risk in every relationship, but statistically the risk of splitting up is greater if the couple are both young, and they aren't.

Original poster
talulasmum · 20/10/2007 15:08

thats very true, no marriage has a 100% certainty of lasting, but its harder to "start again" when your in your 50s.

OP posts:
screaminghousewife · 20/10/2007 15:10

Do you not think that at the age of 42, she's old enough not to need your approval anyway? Don't you think she's probably bright enough to have weighed up the pros and cons by herself.
At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what YOU think does it? As long as she's happy. So should you be.

Saturn74 · 20/10/2007 15:14

If he's a decent bloke, I think you should be supportive of the relationship.

Original poster
talulasmum · 20/10/2007 15:18

screaminghousewife;

absolutely. she is old enough, and i wouldnt say anything to her. im happy shes finally met someone she wants to marry.

OP posts:
MyTwopenceworth · 20/10/2007 15:20

It is not unreasonable of anyone to fret for someone they care about, especially if that person is making choices you would not make yourself - it is only human.

You're not going to try to talk her out of it, or show up at the church and yell MEEE, when the vicar asks if anyone has any objections, nor are you going to hire someone to bump off the boyfriend, are you?

Well then, it's ok! Just accept that she's a big girl. That she has probably gone through all this with him, even if she's not chosen to try to justify it all to you and that there are no guarantees in any marriage, all anyone can do is what they think best at the time, with the info they have then.

It'll be ok.

Lazylou · 20/10/2007 15:35

Dh is 13 years older than me, I'm 25 and he is 38. We have been together for 5 years, with one dd and expecting dc2 in May.

Original poster
talulasmum · 20/10/2007 15:40

you are all married to older MEN, apart from
rgpargy (lovely post, btw)

women have always married older men. not sure its as common other way around.

OP posts:
purplelollypop · 20/10/2007 16:01

I think that's true. It is a lot more rare for the woman to be the older one, but that's no reason for the relationship to fail. I can understand that you are concerned for your sister and in all honesty there are a few rare times that the age gap between me and DP can be a small issue (mainly when it comes to socialising with each others friends!) but it's never caused any major problems. It's more what other people have thought that has been the issue.

RGPargy · 20/10/2007 16:02

hehe thanx!

If he's 30 that is seriously old enough to know what he wants unless he's an immature imbecile, in which case i'm sure your sister (at 42) would have spotted this a mile off.

screaminghousewife · 20/10/2007 16:05

I really think the age thing is irrelevant, age is just a number and hands up anyone over 30 who feels over 30. I still feel like a 17 year old even though I'm clearly not.

Original poster
talulasmum · 20/10/2007 16:07

its fantastic news that your expecting a baby rgpargy, but do you think it would have made any difference if you were my sisters age and maybe left it a little late to have a family?

(not that i think its impossible at 42, women have babies older than that)

OP posts:
RGPargy · 20/10/2007 16:11

Well, i already have a DS who is 17 and before i met DP, thought my child bearing days were over (the thought of more babies horrified me due to bad experiences/x-dp with DS). However, i knew i'd met the right man this time and was very at how i thought i'd met the right man all those times before lol. As we knew we were deffo right for each other my attitude towards having kids again changed. We decided that we would like to have a baby together and now that i'm pg, we are even planning number 2 together, but have decided that 45 is the absolute maximum age, but it would be preferable to have number 2 out by the time i'm 42. Anything is possible. So i spose what i'm trying to say is that if i knew i'd found the right person, i'd still have had a damn good go at popping out a DC!!

Original poster
talulasmum · 20/10/2007 16:16

i wish you all the very best for the future. reading your post has made me realise i have nothing to worry about regarding my sister.

thank you.

OP posts:
LittleMissNervoustWitch · 20/10/2007 16:17

congrats RGPargy, i have the same age gap between my two ds's, ds1 is 18 now, a live in babysitter
i dont think 42 is too old, you never know they may already have planned to start TTC as soon as they are married

RGPargy · 20/10/2007 16:17

Thank you, and no worries!

RGPargy · 20/10/2007 16:19

LMNW - built in babysitter? I think that was the plan!

Original poster
talulasmum · 20/10/2007 16:23

littlemiss;
agree; 42 not too old.

i have known lots of women have babies in their 40s.
a mum at my school had her last at 46.

my sister will probably go on to have a bigger family than me.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread