To not want DS18 working from home fulltime?

[Haltonplacmat]

DS has been offered a full-time work from home job as a customer service agent for a huge company (think SKY etc). He's a college dropout and will be getting a bloody good salary considering (nearly 1600 a month). So I am chuffed for him and relived he won't be sat on his arse on the dole but I'm concerned about him working from home. It's 9-6 5 days a week and he already never goes out. He gets very letharic and is incredibly lazy, only going out to get food. He couldn't be arsed keeping in touch with school or college friends and whinges that he can't get a girlfriend but doesn't put himself in the position to get one. He just sneaks the odd one night stand in from Tinder occasionally but I got sick of that and told him it's unacceptable and that the next time it happens I'm coming into the room and calling the girl a taxi. I'd be happy for a proper girlfriend (in fact, I'd love him to have a girlfriend, it'd do him the world of good) to sleep over but I'm not have a revolving door of random girls. He gets lonely and depressed but refuses to seek support, and as I said he doesn't bother keeping friends or making new ones.

I'm just worried he'll work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep and won't have any other life causing him to sink further into depression. While the pay seems v good, being sat in him room doing customer service calls for 9 hours, nipping out to get some food, coming home to sleep and doing the same each day on repeat just sounds utterly soul destroying. DS is just excited about the pay but I don't know what he'll spend it on. I'll probably charge him £300 in rent/keep and transfer his phone bill to him etc but it's not like he'll be going out and having fun with it as he should be at his age. And obviously the pay is providing he doesn't get sacked (he has trouble waking up in the morning). I was really looking forward to him getting a job thinking it would get him out of the house and meeting people but that won't be happening now.

I also have a DP (self-employed in trade, in and out of the house a lot, constantly having equipment delivered and putting it together so you can always hear him going about his business during the day) and 3 year old DD. I'm worried we'll all have to be creeping around like mice in our own home while DS is working as it’s phone work. The house is a tiny terrace. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it to sound like I'm not happy for him, we're getting takeaway and champagne tonight to celebrate with him, I'm just worried about his mental health. I know he's an adult and I have no say and I'm not going to tell him not to take the job, but WIBU to gently encourage him to keep on looking or take the job but still search for something else? Or is that too interfering?

[WindblowingSW]

@ArtemisBean

You need to lay the ground rules straight away. If he has a salary he should be contributing x amount to the household. There will be no creeping around to accommodate him. No visitors without your permission. If he gets fed up of all the rules he can move out and be independent. He's in for a crash course in adulting!

50%

[TheVanguardSix]

Well, simply put: Not only is it the best option, it's the only one.
It'll be great for his self-confidence and sense of self-worth.

[unmarkedbythat]

You really don't sound happy for him. I appreciate this is what you are saying to us and not to him, but I'd be surprised if the sheer negativity you feel about him wasn't evident to him no matter how well you think you've hidden it.

You son has secured a decently paid job in the middle of an economic crisis which is seeing unemployment skyrocket. Be proud. Praise him. Celebrate as planned, he has done really well.

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

Op why don’t YOU get a job that’s not WFH and give him some space? He’s done bloody well to get a well paid job at 18 with no experience in the middle of a pandemic and financial crisis. Are you not even slightly proud of that?

[rwalker]

Honestly it will give him purpose structure and routine you can build on the rest will do wonders for MH.
Ground rules though where he works and you can't be creeping around him.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I think you need to get off his back tbh.

He's in danger of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy and with his own mother down about him I'm not surprised !!

He's gone out and got a job, no one is socialising right now. Our way of life has been ground to a halt and despite all that he's picked himself up and tried to make something of it. You should be bugging his achievements up, not whining about it. If you had any idea how hard it is to get any sort of job right now you'd have every reason to feel extremely proud. ...... everything else is up to him to sort out.

[TallFriendlyGinger]

Gosh you sound just a tad harsh on your son here. Well done to him for getting a job in the middle of a pandemic. If he's struggling with depression and lack of motivation then a job should really help for him. Get him a headset so you don't have to worry about noise. And there's not much reason to leave the house this year anyway, I know I've been stuck indoors for the majority as have most other people.

[Palavah]

what would you prefer him to do?

[oakleaffy]

@Hailtomyteeth

He's working, he gets laid, he's got a roof over his head! He's 18. I think he's doing well.

Lol! Indeed.

I'd not want random girls staying over, though.
A lot of Apple tech staff seem to work from home {computer help advisers} and they are probably well paid.
As long as there aren't untoward distracting noises in the background, it probably won't affect his work.

Dad worked partly from home when we were kids, and we had to be like mice when the phone rang, and not barge in to the office, or be met with a madly flapping ''GO AWAY!'' hand.

[TallFriendlyGinger]

Are you saying he should be paying 50% of expenses or 50% of his wage because either way that is very unreasonable!

[Mammylamb]

50% of his wage for digs sounds really harsh. Unless you are planning to save some of it away for him.

I feel really sorry for him because you don’t sound very supportive.

[Peakypolly]

In the current situation, he's lucky to have found a job and to have one with a good salary.
Honestly Op, he has done well and, once he is on his feet financially, he is likely to want to find a place of his own, particularly if you stick to your rules for sleepovers etc.(which I think you should)
Try and support his working from home situation though as you don't want him losing his job whilst in his probationary period.
I have a similarly aged DS and I think it is usual that many of these lads don't do much socialising, compared to his DS's anyway. DS tended to just game and eat! Thankfully he now has a lovely GF - viaTinder - and his job is not home based although he would love it to be!
Try and be supportive. He'll be gone soon enough.

[Peakypolly]

DS's = DSisters

[GalaxyCookieCrumble]

He is working, I am sure Covid has probably not helped his situation, but at least he is doing something with his time. Perhaps encourage him to go treat himself to lunch and encourage he walks out every day on his breaks to get some fresh air. It's certainly awful for the young ones, my older 2 DC are at Uni but at home, and pretty much have not done much either.

[hammeringinmyhead]

Um... do you really want him to be doing something like working in a supermarket in a mask? Because there's not really much other option for unqualified 18 year olds at the moment. The landscape may change in 6 months but by then he'll have earned £10k!

[Gwenhwyfar]

@premiumhob

Only on Mumsnet could a well paid job mid pandemic for an 18 year old be a fucking problem. Seriously.

Working from home IS a problem for a lot of people actually. The isolation is not good, although this young person lives with a family so that is one thing. The lack of physical activity is not good either.

[CheetasOnFajitas]

@Mammylamb

50% of his wage for digs sounds really harsh. Unless you are planning to save some of it away for him.

I feel really sorry for him because you don’t sound very supportive.

Where did you get 50% from? OP says he’ll earn £1600 a month and she’ll charge him £300.

OP, I understand your concerns. Hopefully he’ll be based in a call centre as soon as the Covid situation allows though? Agree that you can’t have random hook ups coming to your house but other than that the company should give him a good headset and many people are just doing what they can in the current situation for now. I’d say support him as best you can and see how it goes.

[nevermorelenore]

It'll be good for him. Working from home is tough, and he'll have to learn self-discipline or he'll very soon get shit from his manager. When you work in those sorts of customer service role, every second is monitored, so he won't be able to roll in late etc. As PP have said, it could boost his self-esteem and since the money is good, he can save up some cash.

[hammeringinmyhead]

Disclaimer - nothing wrong with retail, I did it for years, but I wouldn't be applying to work with the public at the moment unless I had to.

[Kerry987]

Let him make his own decisions and figure it out by himself. He may decide to move out of the house later or change jobs. He is lucky to find a job in the current market. At least it is a job where he will be busy talking to people instead of just sitting in front of a screen only.

You said he is very letargic. Has he had blood tests? Could he be missing iron, vitamin D, B12, other? Suffering from thyroid problems perhaps? worth checking with the doctor. Perhaps you should encourage him to join a sport club.

[premiumhob]

Working from home IS a problem for a lot of people actually. The isolation is not good, although this young person lives with a family so that is one thing. The lack of physical activity is not good either.

Like I said, only on Mumsnet would nailing this job be an issue right now. Yes the things you raise are valid but by no means any reason not to be doing a paid job safely mid pandemic. Let's face it, if he isn't doing this job not only is he isolated and doing no physical activit but he also has no job.

[CheetasOnFajitas]

At least it is a job where he will be busy talking to people instead of just sitting in front of a screen only.

This is an excellent point!

[HaggieMaggie]

I think he’s done cracking, it will take a bit of getting used, all working from home but let’s hope it’s only another few more months and if he’s in a call centre role all his calls will be monitored, time taken to answer, volumes, length of time on a call, so it will be a good learning exercise in being motivated.

Maybe once he gets his first wage he might be looking to get out there and spend it, learn to drive, get some wheels etc meet some of his new colleagues. Likely they will all eventually have to be back in the office for at least some of the time.

Pat on the back and work together to make this work. I can only see positives.

[LimitIsUp]

I do get what you are saying OP to an extent - but it might give you some perspective to consider that my 18 year old - who decided to defer University for a couple of years - has only managed to secure a minimum wage factory production line job for 3 days per week at £6.45 per hour, and that is due to finish at Christmas.

Your ds has done brilliantly to secure a well paid role at this current time. Unemployment is anticipated to reach 2.5 million next year

He might appear to be lacking some drive and get up and go - but he must have something about him to impress his employer. When covid restrictions gradually liberalise he might be out and about a bit more with old school friends etc - tbh there isn't much opportunity to be out there and living life right now

[Cheeseboardandmincepies]

No wonder he has an incredibly low self esteem with the way you talk about him. How awful.