To not want DS18 working from home fulltime?

[Haltonplacmat]

DS has been offered a full-time work from home job as a customer service agent for a huge company (think SKY etc). He's a college dropout and will be getting a bloody good salary considering (nearly 1600 a month). So I am chuffed for him and relived he won't be sat on his arse on the dole but I'm concerned about him working from home. It's 9-6 5 days a week and he already never goes out. He gets very letharic and is incredibly lazy, only going out to get food. He couldn't be arsed keeping in touch with school or college friends and whinges that he can't get a girlfriend but doesn't put himself in the position to get one. He just sneaks the odd one night stand in from Tinder occasionally but I got sick of that and told him it's unacceptable and that the next time it happens I'm coming into the room and calling the girl a taxi. I'd be happy for a proper girlfriend (in fact, I'd love him to have a girlfriend, it'd do him the world of good) to sleep over but I'm not have a revolving door of random girls. He gets lonely and depressed but refuses to seek support, and as I said he doesn't bother keeping friends or making new ones.

I'm just worried he'll work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep and won't have any other life causing him to sink further into depression. While the pay seems v good, being sat in him room doing customer service calls for 9 hours, nipping out to get some food, coming home to sleep and doing the same each day on repeat just sounds utterly soul destroying. DS is just excited about the pay but I don't know what he'll spend it on. I'll probably charge him £300 in rent/keep and transfer his phone bill to him etc but it's not like he'll be going out and having fun with it as he should be at his age. And obviously the pay is providing he doesn't get sacked (he has trouble waking up in the morning). I was really looking forward to him getting a job thinking it would get him out of the house and meeting people but that won't be happening now.

I also have a DP (self-employed in trade, in and out of the house a lot, constantly having equipment delivered and putting it together so you can always hear him going about his business during the day) and 3 year old DD. I'm worried we'll all have to be creeping around like mice in our own home while DS is working as it’s phone work. The house is a tiny terrace. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it to sound like I'm not happy for him, we're getting takeaway and champagne tonight to celebrate with him, I'm just worried about his mental health. I know he's an adult and I have no say and I'm not going to tell him not to take the job, but WIBU to gently encourage him to keep on looking or take the job but still search for something else? Or is that too interfering?

[Bouncycastle12]

Presumably, he won’t be working from home forever? Maybe it’s a good option to ride him through until the vaccine kicks in, and then reassess in a few months? Will be something on his CV.

[VioletCharlotte]

You may be surprised. I expect he'll have a lot of interaction with work colleagues via Teams meetings. My 19 year old DS started working from home full time at the start of lockdown. First proper job. He loves it and his confidence has really grown. Yes, he does often work laying on his bed, but he's always busy. I've noticed he's started taking much more responsibility for his own health and makes the effort to go out for a walk with the dog most days to get some fresh air. Pre lockdown he was going to the gym everyday, and he's eating better as he's cooking food at home rather than buying stuff. He's actually a different person to who he was when he was at college.

[Nottherealslimshady]

He should take it for now and use it as a stepping stone to find other work and build his confidence.

[Worriedabouteveryone]

I can understand where you are coming from.

My Ds is 18 and in a very similar position.
He too wfh. This year as he wasn’t 18 till after the first lockdown started his sibling had planned that they were going to get him a few evenings per week working with them behind the bar at the local football club or doing other events during the week.
Ds is painfully shy and does find it hard making any connection. When he knows people then he is fine but getting him to make that first connection is hard.
In the past we have offered to drive him anywhere, try any ECA or tried to get him interested in a hobby or just even some exercise but he says no to everything,

I am watching with interest as all Ds does is work, eat and play video games with people in the US so he isn’t getting the sleep he needs either.
It isn’t healthy.
Unless you have a child who doesn’t leave the house then I don’t think you can understand how worrying it can be.
When that child is an adult it makes it so much harder.

[JacobReesMogadishu]

Look at it not as a permanent thing but a stepping stone. Jobs won't always be wfh, he may not always have this job. But taking this job now increases his chances of a better job later on.

[Jellykat]

Having a youngster WFH myself, i understand your concerns, however..
Apart from the fact meeting new people is very limited atm, your DS will have to learn Self Discipline in order to get up and keep his job (a valuable lesson,) he can save for driving lessons etc (my DS has just bought his own vehicle with the money hes saved) you'll have a bit of extra help for bills and he'll have something to write on his CV, plus the money he'll earn will boost his confidence i'm sure!

Will your DS go to the gym / go running etc? i know from my DS that doing something physical to balance out the sitting down all day, is really important, both mentally and physically..

[Fcuk38]

Well what would you rather him not have a job and just be in the house doing nothing?

Reality is most office based people are working from home.

[Livelovebehappy]

That’s life for most people currently if working from home. I wfh and literally just work, eat and sleep. Just be grateful he has a job, because a lot of young people at the moment have been furloughed, been made redundant or have to compete with dozens of others just to get a job. Don’t start putting down rules about things - he will probably have enough to focus on just learning and adapting to the job.

[ByebyeOcado]

You sound like my mum. She always found a negative possibility in everything I did, always found a downer in the happiest of situations; it was exhausting. The result - I rarely share anything with her. I don’t want her giving it the fun sponge treatment. She would suck the joy out of anything.

[NoSquirrels]

OP, you sound like you're a lovely mum who wants the best for her son.

Encourage him in his job, set some ground rules, and try to make sure he follows through on the driving lessons, gym and hobby stuff. All that will give him confidence, be good for his wellbeing and get him out meeting new people. He might also be inspired to get back in touch with old friends.

Take a good whack for rent, and save some of it up for him (if you can afford to do so) as a surprise to further encourage him or put towards car insurance or whatever.

[RealBecca]

He's 18, got himself a good job and having the odd one night stand....He's 18! It doesn't sound like hes particularly well supported at home.

"We'll have to creep around"
"I'm be walking in on him with another girl"
"He doesn't go out"

OP, he's probably quite happy earningg and saving money in the safety of his home and tugging himself senseless with the odd break for a food and sex. Leave him be rather than TELLING him HOW he has to be happy your way.

[justconcedealready]

I hope he keeps the job, saves up his money, so he can find a place of his own.

I also hope he DOESN'T get a girlfriend in the near future as he has nothing to offer a girlfriend: no motivation, no interests... he needs to get a life of his own and sort himself out before he involves someone else in his life. Perhaps encourage him to join some groups...

[Melaniaswig]

My daughter worked from home as a customer advisor for a field that’s been extremely busy during the pandemic. It went on for weeks with him sat in his bedroom for weeks, working long and stressful days. She was delighted to finally get back to the office and see his friends again.

You will have to be quiet whilst he’s working. Not easy in a small house like ours.

On the plus side though, it’s a job and as @Hailtomyteeth says, he’ll get laid (I’m not sure that’s what she meant to say😂)!!

[nosswith]

Set rules, be glad that he has a well-paid job for his age. Have to agree about the revolving door of women.

[Roselilly36]

Work not with!

[Roselilly36]

You don’t sound very supportive OP. I think your son is amazing to get a job in these crazy times. Good on him. Hopefully, he can build some confidence, create a positive with ethic.

[lanthanum]

He should take the job. He'll find out if it's soul-destroying, and can apply elsewhere, but he'll have some work experience to add to his cv. At the moment, just getting a new job is enough to be going on with.

He needs to get a decent headset to minimise background noise - you shouldn't need to tiptoe around.

Socialising is difficult at the moment for everyone. Does he socialise at all online? I think probably you have to wait until there are more options available before pushing on that one. And he is 18 - so you need to tread warily on interfering, either on this or on exercise. We all know that he should go for a walk round the block during his lunch hour, but he's probably not going to see it as easily!

[Newuser991]

@MaskingForIt

On £1600 a month he can move out and get a room in a shared house.

I would actually do that if my mother spoke about me in that way at that age.

Is anything good enough. Most people are wfh right now. It's good money. He won't be doing nothing all day. Poor man give him a chance.

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

I couldn't imagine thinking my child was going to get sacked straight away and having as much doubt in him as you've expressed here. How sad


This. OP you sound awful. Poor boy! You're supposed to be his cheerleader FFS!

[CheetasOnFajitas]

maybe if you can loan him the money/suggest he gets some good proper noise cancelling headphones - we splashed out on the Sony ones - black friday could be a good opportunity for that sort of thing!

Would not the employer provide a headset as part of the job? She says they are a big organisation and presumably they need their staff to come across professionally to customers, without background noise.

[Coffeeandcocopops]

Fantastic. 18 years old, limited qualifications, COVID-19 , huge unemployment and your son gets a job!! He must of impressed them in the interview.

All young people starting work are going to be in this situation. Gradually they will organise social / networking events I’m sure.

[newstart1337]

I would be worried if this had been going on for years. But he is an 18yo just starting his job, give him a break.

His confidence and bank balance will increase over the next year. After the pandemic is over his situation will probably look completely different.