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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another mil one, isn't that what this topic is for!

43 replies

miltrouble · 16/10/2007 15:48

Ok so before I go ranting to dp about his mum again I just wanted to check what everybody else thought here.

Mil turns up and asks if she can take DD to the soft play down the road for 30 mins (lovely I get a nice break).

2 hrs later and no sign of either of them, so I called mil and she tells me they are just at Tesco and will be back in a minute.

When they get back DD is looking very undressed and just has mil neckscarf tied around her bum . I presumed she had just had an accident (which hardly ever happens hence no change of clothes with her) and mil says 'oh no she did it after we had been at soft play for 20 mins'.

So it turns out that DD has been playiing in soft play for over an hour with just a neck scarf tied around her bum flashing her flower and bum at everyone and I dont even want to think of the hygeine thing. Mil then took her to tesco and dd was running around there and sitting in the trolley for 30 mins still with no clothes on.

I don't get why mil didn't just bring her home after she had the accident, I get that she didn't want DD to be disappointed but she could've just got more clothes for her here and I am really not happy about DD running around Tesco with barely any clothes on.

So am being unreasonable at being really pissed off with her for not just bringing her back or would you have done the same thing? DD is 2 by the way.

TIA

OP posts:

witchandchips · 16/10/2007 16:44

oh starbear

Sassymom · 16/10/2007 17:37

Depends, What would MIL have said if YOU who let DD run around in public with nothing but a neckscarf on? If she would be quick to forgive & realize that things just happen then just let it go. If she would turn her nose at you for doing the same, then I suggest you politely tell her next time that happens please come by & get a change of clothes (or purchace a dress at the nearest store)

LowFat · 16/10/2007 17:48

YANBU - that is awful, your poor DD. I would be beside myself in anger - am surpirsed you did'nt launch yourself at you MIL.

What an irresponsible thing to do .

Hygiene and exposure of children are two major issues and both of them are a factor in thie arguement.

Get your DP to have a word or several. My DH would go through the roof if his mum did this.

kindersurprise · 16/10/2007 18:23

YANBU. Aside from the hygiene issues and the fact that the scarf was ugly I do think it is too cold for a wee one to be without pants and trousers. I would not let them wander around the house like that, let alone take them round half the town.

I am also concerned that any strange person would have seen your DD, it is a very private part of the body to be flashing at all and sundry.

pooka · 16/10/2007 18:30

Well I think I am probably in the minority, but if MIL had brought dd back like that at 2 years old I don't think I would have been exceptionally agitated or annoyed. Would have been a bit surprised that the play place let her carry on. But apart from that, would not be angry (though might have kicked myself for not sending dd with a change of clothes).

pointydog · 16/10/2007 19:26

ah, pooka, a sensible voice

dooley1 · 16/10/2007 19:28

yabu
surely it was your responsibility to send her with a changing bag with spare napy and clothes

crunchie · 16/10/2007 19:34

Personally yabu IMHO. Your MIL was perhaps a little thoughtless, but she was probably trying to be thoughtful so being cross is really no on. Maybe you could have a word and say that you weren't best pleased, but I was be pissed of it I was her and someone got cross with that.

You lot are carrying on as if it was artic weather or something, the child was inside with a makeshift skirt ffs, probably no-one noticed and I so what exactly is your problem. It was also in a soft play area full of parents and kids, unlikely to cause offence (OK Tesco may have done, but sitting in a trolley no-one would have notied. PFB syndrome if you want my opinion (and sine you posted here you are getting it!!)

HonoriaGlossop · 16/10/2007 19:47

I also don't think this is major, at all. It was a makeshift skirt and I really think that if her bum had been 'flashing' at everyone the staff at soft play would have stopped her. The fact they didn't shows that it just looked like a little girl with a skirt on. I expect she went straight into a trolley at tescos and again, can't imagine the scarf looked unlike a skirt.

Do you really think your MIL would have let her walk literally bare bottomed in those places? If so, then you have to let her know you don't feel comfortable with that; but tbh I can't imagine that's really what happened.

I do think you need a bag packed with a change of clothes for a child who's just 2 and who still has some accidents, then it can just be lugged out the door when people are going out with her.

LEMONADEGIRL · 16/10/2007 19:54

YANBU, seriously who would let a child be in a softplay centre without a nappy let alone Tesco. The weather has got nothing to do with it and imo nothing to do with pfb.

Have a word, gently of course as am sure sure she did not mean to piss you off but that it should not happen again.

WinkyWinkola · 16/10/2007 19:56

It was quite imaginative of your MIL to fashion an item of clothing out of a scarf.

I wouldn't be furious - it's quite funny really - but I'd wonder why MIL didn't bring her straight home as a scarf isn't going to catch anymore accidents and that could be humiliating for a little girl. My DS is devastated at accidents.

So, as already said, just anticipate the worst and send your DD out with a change of clothes and emergency nappies.

Do you not get on with your MIL by the way? I don't get on with mine very well and I often find myself nitpicking and I hate myself for it because I know I do it because I don't like very much. Were it anybody else, I would let it pass! Dreadful really.

pooka · 16/10/2007 20:25

But if it isn't the weather lemonadegirl, then what is the problem?
A 2 year old not wearing knickers, but wearing a makeshift skirt in a soft play centre. And then in Tesco. Accompanied by her grandmother. I really don't see what the problem is, really I don't. Obviously not how one would choose to attire their 2 year old all the time, but as an emergency measure and given that the OP's dd sounds like she was having fun and was not mortified or embarrassed, it doesn't seem like a major problem to me.

PieMama2007 · 16/10/2007 20:29

At least she had a scarf round her - could have been worse! Annoying, yes, but perhaps more so because of general mil issues, maybe?

Original poster

miltrouble · 16/10/2007 20:39

Back again

No, no mil issues here I was just surprised she didn't just bring her back when we are all of about 5 mins down the road.

And from the hygeine pov, I am not happy with her playing in the ball pit or going down slides etc with no knickers on or riding the bikes/cars they have there. Plus she had not cleared going to tesco with me so I feel she should of just brought DD home before going off to tesco herself. But I can also appreciate that she was doing me a huge favour as I did need a break.

I think it was an isolated incident and so won't talk to mil about it (I really can't see it happening again as DD rarely has accidents anymore)

Thanks for all the replies

OP posts:

LEMONADEGIRL · 16/10/2007 20:50

well to my mind the problem is exactly what miltrouble just said.
I agree that she should have brought her daughter back if so close to home. Of course as an emergency measure, but it clearly was not as the grandmother took a trip to Tesco as well.

pooka · 16/10/2007 21:04

Personally I'd have been more annoyed about the timing issue (30mins turning into 2 hours) but then that's because timekeeping or lack of it is my own bugbear when it comes to MIL.
I remember being all vulnerable after ds was born and MIL came to see him (he was 4 days old, dd was 2). And because dd said she didn't want MIL to go, MIL practically whisked her into her car and off for supper and didn't get dd home until about 11pm. Was a lovely thought but I was at home sobbing because was hormonal, missing dd, in a right old state because was already a bit worried that dd was not my only one any more.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 16/10/2007 22:08

Of course, the OP has the right to be cheesed off mind. It's her daughter after all and she may have wanted her home at the agreed time especially if there'd been an unexpected hiccup like having no clothes. Maybe it wasn't up to the MIL to decide the child should stay out longer than agreed in a scarf?

helenhismadwife · 17/10/2007 09:39

I would have been annoyed and upset, she could have asked another mother for a nappy at the soft play, or at tescos customer services or gone home if its just round the corner.

I wouldnt let my dc run about for over an hour and a half with no bottoms on in october at home so definately wouldnt want them to do it outside of the home either.

I would also be a bit annoyed that they were out so long when mil obviously had a phone on her and could have called to check it was ok to be out a bit longer.

Having said all that I would probably not say anything just have a changing bag (or a decent scarf) ready to hand over on the next trip out and ask her to call if she is going to be longer than expected, it was a nice thing to do.

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