My DS is ENORMOUS. Can I have some reassurance please?

[GinAtMerlottes]

He’s just huge. Always been stocky with a BMI hovering on the overweight but it’s definitely tipped over now. He’s 4.5, 115cm tall and 23.5kg.

He is definitely big boned.... he has
no fat on his ribs but his rib cage is half as big again as his friends, who is a year older. His hands are bigger than those of his brother, who is 4 years older. He takes size 1 shoes.

Over lockdown of course our activity levels are much lower than usual, although we’ve been having our daily walks. He’s just started school, and restarted rugby and swimming.

Food wise, he has weetabix or porridge for breakfast with a cup of milk, fruit for snack, school lunches, fruit or peanut butter and apple or similar after school, and normal family dinner. Has fruit and a biscuit after dinner. Has a glass of squash at dinner but otherwise drinks water.

Eldest DS has always been very slim. My family and DHs family are all overweight. My brother is very very tall, over 6 ft 7.

I can see DS2 is destined to be tall and large, but any tips or reassurance would be very welcome.

[LakieLady]

glasses are bigger too

I refuse to believe this. Wine bottles are smaller, that's why we only get 4 glasses out of a bottle when we used to get 6.

[canigohomenow]

@GinAtMerlottes If his Dad is six foot and your side of the family is pushing six foot too, then he's going to be massive! Huge hands, head and feet is also a sign he's going to be bigger.

I swear, from your description, you could literally be talking about my husband when he was little.

He was always a massive chunk, not fat just huge. His Mum says he was always at least a size bigger than he should have been even as a baby. You couldn't push him over if you tried but he never looked bad for it.

At about thirteen he just started growing and never seemed to stop, to say built like a brick shit house is an understatement.

In contrast, his brother has always been a lanky little slip despite them having the same diet and lifestyle.

Your comment about skinny jeans really stood out - same with my husband even now - huge legs and thighs. It sounds absolutely nothing to worry about and that he's just a bruiser.

If you're worried maybe speak to his paediatrician but I wouldn't alter anything unless you're unhappy or the doctor suggests it. As long as he's active and a balanced eater, that's great. He's a growing little boy who sounds perfect the way he is.

Monitor it and try not to think too much on it!

[steppemum]

my ds is now 17 and 6'3" and long and lean.

As a child he was always 2 sizes ahead at least, eg wearing size 5-6 when 3-4. He was often a full head taller than his classmates, and had huge feet.

So, if he is destined to be tall, he will be tall now.
Your key has to be height:weight ratio, not either of them on its own.
Also, looking at him, whether there are layers of excess flab, rolls on his tummy etc.

Ds went through some periods of eating LOADS, then he would shoot up. When he reached 16, he suddenly dropped his food intake by abotu a third, and we realised he had finally stopped growing.
Kids do go through cycles of filling out and shooting up

[RightYesButNo]

@GinAtMerlottes Yes, so then, I wouldn’t beat yourself up? Lockdown was ridiculously hard on everybody. It was Survivor: the Mums Edition What everyone has said here is true; little ones will change so quickly and you’re doing everything you can to instill healthy activity and eating habits (and it’s smart to not want to go the other way either and give him an unhealthy relationship with food, thinking certain ones are “bad”).

[Thneedville]

A couple of people have mentioned it already, but do check portion sizes. He has at least one older sibling and you say your wider families are overweight, so you might not realise if evening meal sizes are too big for a 4 year old.

Is he the kind of child who eats everything on his plate or does he stop when he’s full/bored?

The diet as you have written it sounds very healthy to me. My kids have a snack after school because we don’t eat dinner until 7. They also have pudding every day (shock horror says Mumsnet), they always have had proper evening meal despite school dinners, and they are skinny.

Day to day exercise I think is usually key in these threads - often the op will say the child does swimming and dance twice a week so must be active - those classes are a tiny part of the week, and if the child is sat still rest of the week it’s not enough. You say your DS is running around and playing not on screens so that’s great. My older DS was always a bit on the chunky side as a toddler, it fell off him when he was aged 4 and we moved house and he spent every possible moment of the summer playing outside with neighbour children.

[Wishforanishwishdiash]

My middle boys was always like this. He was the roundest kid you ever say, and brutally uncoordinated. Every time he would come to grips with physical coordination he would have a growth spurt and it would fall apart.

Someone around year 7, he shot up (it was strange to watch, every morning it felt like a stranger was coming to breakfast). Now is is 14, 6 foot 3inches, not an ounce of fat on him, and an excellent rugby player.

Bigger kids take longer to grow into themselves sometimes.

[Longtalljosie]

My DD1 was a massive baby and I worried so much about it. Googled plate sizes (and measured my plates). Knew exactly what weight of pasta was appropriate for each age. Inwardly fretted as Hallowe'en turned to Christmas turned to massive pudding at Grandmas turned to another party bag. Put all sweets given to her on a high shelf so she would forget about them, then threw them out. Got judgy looks an awful lot. Until DD2 came along, and was (and is) like a twig.

What have I learned? That your child will follow, broadly, the direction his or her genes point them towards. There are studies on this, showing that adopted adults have the body shapes of their birth family, not of their adoptive family. But that there are things you can do. I'm in favour of the "quite nice meal" approach. For inspiration for this, think about the stuff your own parents fed you. For example, grilled pork chops, lots of vegetables and new potatoes. DD1 does not especially like new potatoes, so she will eat the meat and veg and - if still hungry - the potatoes. But 9 times out of 10 cannot be bothered to eat them. This is more useful than spag bol, which she will demolish even if full. It means you are not starving your child but they will stop eating when full.

School meals are not what they put on the menu. Ask what he's actually eating. I remember asking DD1 at this age what she'd eaten "Carrots, bread... and a biscuit!" Don't get me wrong, the options for eg roast chicken are there, but the kids make odd choices.

Just calmly keep doing healthy stuff and concentrate on the damage sugar does to teeth. You can refer to teeth an awful lot while putting your kids off bad choices and it's a lot less tricky than talking about any other reason why they shouldn't have that iced bun.

Also - have space for treats. Maybe pudding happens at the weekend but not in the week. Maybe there is a small packet of sweets on Saturday but no other day because sweets are a Saturday thing. Have clear rules and stick to them. And bugger what everyone else thinks, because you're doing your best.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

Both DC here are huge - DS14 is 6'4" and showing no signs of slowing down - his feet are a size 14 and I'm dreading him growing more.

DS9 is a 5'2" and a size 7 shoe, and is following the same height/weight trajectory as DS1 so I'm certain we'll have two seven foot children by the time they're finished.

As much as I'm conscious about health/fitness/exercise, I'm also very determined not to measure them against any kind of silly charts where I look at what they should be, because frankly they've never been the size they should be, so the weight/height of an average 9 year old doesn't mean a great deal. I go to a PT three times a week with DS14 and he is the fittest teen I know - he plays rugby, cricket and basketball, as well as canoeing twice most weeks; so long as he's exercising, I refuse to worry about weight.

[SweetpeaOrMarigold]

@FudgeBrownie2019 the royal college of paediatrics and child health/ WHO centile charts are not "any kind of silly charts" but help you to plot your child and watch which direction they move. They are also very useful for particularly underweight children and help in supporting those that need additional nutrition such as ensures or a gastrostomy. It's not a comparison of your child to others, it's comparing your child along his or her life, because it's often difficult to assess when you are with them all the time. BMI and the Letter are generally unhelpful. We received the Letter in reception and we spent approximately 30 seconds in the appointment because both his parents are very tall with big feet and his dad is very broad shouldered.

[Yokohamajojo]

I also have 2 sons, 2.5 years apart and they are so so differently built, my oldest is incredibly skinny and lean and the youngest is more robust and bottom heavy, his thighs and bum are just wider. So no point in comparing the two, both are in normal weight range but the youngest would much more easily put on weight whereas the oldest could eat McDonalds everyday without putting on any weight

[yetanothernamitynamechange]

I live in the Land Of Giants (the Netherlands) and some of the people here are just ridiculously massive (not fat, just very tall and well built). Also I noticed that the growth charts for children are different. In the UK my son would be in the high percentiles for his height but here he is a little above average for his age. The thing is far fewer children or adults are actually overweight compared to the UK, I think they tend to encourage a more active lifestyle and (its a stereotype but one with some truth in it) almost everyone cycles more than they drive etc. Diet wise children and adults drink a lot of milk, eat a lot of bread etc but they're healthy. So rather than worrying about diet I would just focus on making sure he gets enough exercise so he grows up tall and strong and happy.

[OkyDoke]

This sounds like my three year old... not 4 til next August. 107cm tall, 23kg or so, size 11 feet. Allergic to egg, milk and bananas. Loves fruit and veg. No idea what to do with him.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

@SweetpeaOrMarigold Apologies and fair point - I’m sure those charts can be useful for some other parents and some children. For mine, they never offered much by way of an insight into their development and growth, and in Reception year both of my DC were sent the standard letter stating their weight was a worry - I don’t feel that was helpful or insightful because they were (and still are) often up to a foot taller than their peers.

[Emmelina]

Sounds like he’s just going to be a big and tall lad. He’s nearly 4 feet tall so 23 kg isn’t really bad for that height, and big feet! My 8 year old is verging on size 1 and only a little taller.
It only seems large I think because he’s only 4.5, but take the age equation out and is he really out of proportion?

[StarUtopia]

Doesn't sound that big to me - my son was bigger!

He turned 6 in April. he's 132 cm, wears a size 2.5 shoe and weighs nearly 5 stone. Definitely not fat, but he looks about 9 or 10.

I would be far more worried about a child who is short, with small feet who weighs too much. Even the Dr said my child is absolutely FINE for a 9 or 10 year old of the same height/proportions etc. It's just he's actually 6!

[msflibble]

@GinAtMerlottes please remember - posters telling you to cut out certain foods completely or restrict portions mean well, but please don't do this. Research shows that this actually makes overweight kids eat more, and it was certainly my experience. I panicked over DD's weight when she was about 4 and tried to cut out carbs in the evening and restrict sweets - the result was that she became obsessed with both, and fearing that she wouldn't get carbs at home, she overate at daycare and pestered me incessantly for sweets.

I bought Ellyn Satter's book which told me to chill out, provide unlimited food at mealtimes (counterintuitive I know), limited but regular portions of dessert, and to inoculate her against obsessions with food by making sure she knew it wasn't a scarce resource. It took a few weeks but the change was incredible - she self-regulated and now eats completely normally. My well-meaning attempt to control her eating was a disaster, what worked was to trust her to know herself what she needed to eat and when to stop.

Some kids have a bigger build when they are small. Both my babies started small and ballooned with breastfeeding; DD (5) has really slimmed down now but DS (3) is still built like a brick shithouse, despite not eating much at all. His dad was apparently the same but slimmed down later on in childhood and now still is tall and muscular without an ounce of fat on him at 38.

Panicking and overcompensating will be your downfall OP. Have faith in his ability to self-regulate, feed him regular, healthy meals, have a sensible everything-in-moderation attitude to sweets and treats, and he will turn out just fine.

[justdontatme]

goody2shooz my grandparents had those green bowls!

[Badger2033]

Cut the milk? He doesn’t need it anymore

[timeforanew]

Panicking and overcompensating is one thing, checking portion sizes and adjusting them is quite different...
After lockdown, many kids have more fat than they should (including one of mine). Key is now for them to not gain any more weight before they have comfortably grown lengthwise into their current weight.
Being Overweight drives growth, so kids with too much fat tend to be tall, but in most cases that’s the fat driving growth (and then early puberty etc), not the other way round. So be careful with the assumption that “he is just tall”.

[OverTheRainbow88]

My DS is 4 next week and weighs 22kg and is tall, clearly way taller than the other kids at pre school. He is super active, eats well and doesn’t have any excess fat on him.

[medusawashere]

He sounds like he'll be big built, if he can run about like other kids and he's not eating too much, it's genes. I was an overweight child and then shot up at 12. I don't weigh much more now than I did at 11 and I'm almost 36. That's not me being tiny, that's me having been a big child. If he's happy and healthy, please don't worry too much and, it goes without saying, please don't make him aware of any perceived "issues" with his weight. Boys aren't immune to eating problems and he'll shoot up and stretch out in no time

[Porcupineinwaiting]

That's lovely msflibble but we have an epidemic of childhood obesity in the UK. So clearly many children are being fed too much, or the wrong things or are not able to self regulate.

My youngest has always been tall and heavily built but has always sat easily within the healthy BMI range, even if he is the same size as his older brother. You can be big without being overweight and in fact it's harder to tell if a large child is overweight because they carry it well. But it's still not good for them.

[HappySonHappyMum]

My DS was 9lb 5oz born - was always on the 95th percentile. Every pic we have of him he was at least 6 inches taller than the other kids his age. He's now 18 and 6ft 4in. Loves rugby! Was never going to be a small man, huge hands and size 11.5 feet. You can't change genetics. It's very useful having a tall person in the house

[Iamuhtredsonofuhtred]

My twin 1 is nearly 4 and weighs 20kg, he’s in size 5 clothes and is a head taller than twin 2 (13kg!) who is in 2-3 yr clothes. They eat the same, move the same. If anything twin 2 eats more. Some kids are just huge!

[IndiaMay]

Sounds like hes going to take after your brother and has the tall/broad gene. Keep an eye on things but I wouldnt worry too much. My dad was a chubby child. Hes 6ft 4 and very broad and lean even now at 56. Its just some peoples make up