My DS is ENORMOUS. Can I have some reassurance please?

[GinAtMerlottes]

He’s just huge. Always been stocky with a BMI hovering on the overweight but it’s definitely tipped over now. He’s 4.5, 115cm tall and 23.5kg.

He is definitely big boned.... he has
no fat on his ribs but his rib cage is half as big again as his friends, who is a year older. His hands are bigger than those of his brother, who is 4 years older. He takes size 1 shoes.

Over lockdown of course our activity levels are much lower than usual, although we’ve been having our daily walks. He’s just started school, and restarted rugby and swimming.

Food wise, he has weetabix or porridge for breakfast with a cup of milk, fruit for snack, school lunches, fruit or peanut butter and apple or similar after school, and normal family dinner. Has fruit and a biscuit after dinner. Has a glass of squash at dinner but otherwise drinks water.

Eldest DS has always been very slim. My family and DHs family are all overweight. My brother is very very tall, over 6 ft 7.

I can see DS2 is destined to be tall and large, but any tips or reassurance would be very welcome.

[monkeyonthetable]

His diet sounds very sensible. And he doesn't sound overweight from your physical description. People are allowed to have big bones. All this constant assessing of people to some scale of 'normality' is so deceptive - the truth is there is a massive, natural and healthy range of body shapes, sizes and weights, all well within the norm, from small and skinny to tall and broad. Sounds like a rugby player in the making.

[HermioneMakepeace]

I would lose the milk and squash, as he doesn't need those and they add extra calories.

[MonkeyPuddle]

Sounds similar to my DS. Born on the 99th centile and has stayed there. He was 3 in June and he’s 109cm and in inflant 11 shoes. He’s a big lad. I am very conscious of making sure his diet and exercise levels are optimised.

[Frouby]

I got The Letter. And a phonecall when I ignored the letter. Health visitor offered to enroll us as a family to a kick start healthy living thing. Let her waffle on a bit about the walks we would do, the fun activities like playing football then stopped her and said I was just back from the ponies, ds had ridden yesterday and was going swimming that night after school then on a 5k dogwalk and we were having homemade lamb tagine with couscous for dinner. Asked her if she had actually met ds and seen him but she hadn't.

I also got the letter for dd. Shes a size 6/8, does racing kayaks and dragonboats and does 5ks a lot quicker than me. She went from always being 1 clothes sized bigger to super slim when she was 11/12 so am expecting similar with ds. Oh and neither of them drink anything much except water or ds sometimes has apple juice or milk with breakfast.

[HelloMissus]

I’ve got one like this.
At a young age he was very big boned.
MN would have diagnosed him fat and told me ‘we need to see children’s ribs’
He’s now a professional football player 😂😂😂

[BrummyMum1]

Children and adults come in all different shapes and sizes and grow at all different weights. My DD is similar stats and age to your DS. She’s always been 98th-99th centile but then my husband was a big child and just levelled out later. I wouldn’t restrict or change diet unless a GP has asked you to.

[Igglepigglesgrubbyblanket]

I have a giant too, age 12, 5ft 10, 86kg (very overweight)

My advice is make sure he gets into and enjoys some kind of sport and focus on healthy filling foods. He'll be more hungry than his smaller peers.

I've gone wrong with mine by not getting him into any easy to access sports.

[notso]

Even disregarding his age, op, he's still overweight for his height.
According to the NHS BMI chart he only needs to grow back and he'll be back in the healthy weight range.
Two of my boys have followed the higher centiles since birth, they have seemed to put on weight then grow into it height wise. They both have a tall, muscular build like their Dad.

[Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd]

My son used to be like that. He was podgy. When he was about 11 he really started to lengthen out, 1.62m and 59kgs - just before puberty. He's not ever going to be skinny - he plays rugby now, but he's very tall and broad as a teenager. He wore a size 8 shoe when he was 11. He's not at full height and he's 6ft., 2in. By contrast, his sister who is older is only 1.57m and skinny as a whippet. That's her fully grown and she wears a size 4 shoe.

Unless they're super overweight/obese, I would not do all this diet or low carb or anything like this. Sorry but I think it sets up disordered eating. DS can now eat like a horse (and does).

[justasking111]

When we look back at old photos of dearly departed family we can see where the genes pop up size wise as well as looks. Three DS here.

1. Average child in clothes, neat build no 9 in scrum half at rugby

1. 99th centile at least two years ahead in clothes big with huge shoulders towered over every child in primary school and at the beginning of secondary no 3 in rugby prop forward

1. Very slender, clothes lasted ages ditto shoes, wore the same school shorts from year 9 to 13, small shoulders, long legs no 10 in rugby, fly half.

I have no idea why they are all so different although people say facially they are very similar so can be identified as being brothers.

[Frouby]

He's 6, 7 in December.

He's been riding since he was 3, kayaking since he was 5 and the running we started in lockdown. Allotment since 3 as well and we've always walked a lot and he hated the pushchair so got used to trotting along.

He does need the physical exercise, he's grumpy and stroppy without it. And out if everything we do it's the kayaking he loves the most. He's pretty good for 6, keeps up with the teenagers in their posh racing boats in his little club standard slalom boat.

I've had to get a lot quicker to keep up with him and still struggle to catch up when he zooms off.

[GinAtMerlottes]

You are all being really lovely and reassuring, thank you. This isn’t the usual way weight threads go on MN! I was expecting a kicking.....

[ColourMeExhausted]

Tbh he just sounds like he's going to be a big tall boy! His diet sounds very balanced and healthy (healthier than my DD, who is naturally very skinny, telling you that to show that diet doesn't seem to be a factor here). Guess best you can do is keep up the exercise for him and just keep on with a level healthy diet. I bet it will even out when he takes a growth spurt. My friend is having a similar issue with her DD, but they are a tall family.

[SoulofanAggron]

Reassuring yourself won't help on its own- you need to do something. He is eating excess food and you are considerably in control of that and can change it. Some people do have slightly larger frames but it doesn't make much difference- if someone's overweight they're overweight in a bad way, unless they're a professional body builder or something.

The quicker you nip this in the bud, the easier it'll be to deal with. Overweight children tend to get bigger as they get older and it sets them up for a lifetime with a higher risk of poor health outcomes, both physically and mentally.

[Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd]

@HelloMissus

I’ve got one like this.
At a young age he was very big boned.
MN would have diagnosed him fat and told me ‘we need to see children’s ribs’
He’s now a professional football player 😂😂😂

Yeah, mine wants to play rugby whilst studying at uni.

[Waveysnail]

I usually go by if you can see their ribs and they dont have a tummy then they are fine. If you think he is carrying a bit of weight then just cut down portion sizes

[DontBelongHere]

My DS is massive. 11lbs at birth and has just stayed big, although he is slowing down very slightly as the years go on. He's also 4.5y. I would say he's reasonably active and has a reasonable diet but does have a sweet tooth and enjoys sedentary activities rather a lot.

I think you're right about 'the letter'. I was judged as overweight at primary school. I can recall the weigh-in with absolute clarity and the total shame of being told how heavy/large I was. It affected me for a long, long time. It's also a bit weird as I can't see a single photo of me as a kid where I was remotely overweight, although I was a head above my friends in primary 6/7. I'm naturally small and slim now and have been my whole adult life. Think I stopped growing at 11

[Foldinthecheese]

My twins are like this. They will be five in November and are both 120cm. One is 24.5kg and the other is 23.5kg. I need to have their feet measured, but they are around a size 13. I have definitely had periods when I’ve been worried about their size/weight, but this is obviously just how they’re built. They aren’t overweight, but they are sturdily built and are incredibly strong and solid. They are also very active and fit. Prior to lockdown we were going on 7km hikes in the Peak District, and they are always on their scooters, bikes, or just generally running about.

For me, as long as they stay active, I don’t worry too much about food intake as long as it’s healthy. I keep a close eye on sweets, though. I know that they have dessert at school, so don’t offer it after dinner at home. They pretty much only drink water or milk, which they have with meals.

It’s hard having big kids, though! My little girl is the same: she’s tall and a perfectly healthy weight, but obviously just built bigger than other children. I worry a lot about how others will treat them, or that they will be teased, but for now they are happy and confident.

[Prettybluepigeons]

My son was wearing size 3 shoes for his 3rd birthday party! Absolutely huge.
He's an adult now and a lovely slim 6 foot 8 with size 15 feet!

[Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd]

@GinAtMerlottes

You are all being really lovely and reassuring, thank you. This isn’t the usual way weight threads go on MN! I was expecting a kicking.....

Oh, just wait! Someone will be along to tell you he's doomed and recommend keto or some other crap like that. DS was seriously podgy. Then, he just wasn't. He was always very tall, though, with big feet and hands (FIL used to call them his shovels). He's very fit now, but he's built like a . . . rugby player.

[msflibble]

He doesn't sound overweight, just extremely tall and well built for his age. Whatever you do don't restrict foods, it backfires - as I learnt with DD. I followed Ellyn Satter's invaluable book and she is finally back to normal eating but when I tried to restrict certain foods she became completely obsessed with them and got quite chubby.

He'll be a tall/stocky lad but I doubt that'll be a problem. A lot of men spend hundreds of hours in a gym to look the way that your DS is likely to turn out naturally.

[WithASpider]

I'm another one with a giant. He's 10, 162cm and has size 7 feet. I can see he's overweight and we're working on that, but he also does the fill out and shoot up thing so I'm expecting a height jump by Christmas!

[Quartz2208]

DS is nearly 8 and the same - he is just big. Wide broad shoulders, massive bum (which causes clothes issues) and at 142cm and 40kg is the size of an 11 year old (with size 4 feet). He is bigger than his 11.5 year old sister in everything but she still has an inch on him (height charts predict he will overtake around 12)

[rorosemary]

One of my nephews is really big without being overweight. He was a 10 lbs baby and ever since has always been much taller than kids the same age. His length is off the chart but in a stable way (following the line but above the chart) and he has massive feet and hands. He is normal weight for his height. He gets regular check ups to check in case he develops scoliosis or stuff like that. The doctors estimate that he will grow into a 2 meter man, or over. We all just figure that as long as his weight is good and he is growing along his own chart then he will do fine. He'll just always be the tallest I guess. His siblings are average so it's just luck of the draw I guess.

The only problem was when he was quite young people would react to him as if he was older due to his height and expected to much. His parents always intervened and told people his age.

[LUZON]

I can see DS2 is destined to be tall and large,..

I don’t think it’s a good idea to think like this. He is only young and it’s simply not true that he is destined to be heavy.

I’d carry doing what you are doing and hoped he will grow into his weight.
I can see how it would have been easy to have extra treats through lockdown but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were the cause of your son putting on too much weight. The fact you are aware of this is good.

Both my sons were too fat when they were toddlers. I watched their treats and snacks and they slowly grew into their weight. I did it very long term but I was determined that they wouldn’t be chubby kids.

Generally I didn’t give them snacks but I’d let them have one treat a day. I know some Mumsnetters don’t like the concept of treat foods but it worked for us.

I think it’s a mistake to ignore any signs that your kids are overweight. It’s so much easier to deal when they are very young when you have control over what they eat and how much exercise they do. There is no reason for them to be aware of their weight at all.