My DS is ENORMOUS. Can I have some reassurance please?

[GinAtMerlottes]

He’s just huge. Always been stocky with a BMI hovering on the overweight but it’s definitely tipped over now. He’s 4.5, 115cm tall and 23.5kg.

He is definitely big boned.... he has
no fat on his ribs but his rib cage is half as big again as his friends, who is a year older. His hands are bigger than those of his brother, who is 4 years older. He takes size 1 shoes.

Over lockdown of course our activity levels are much lower than usual, although we’ve been having our daily walks. He’s just started school, and restarted rugby and swimming.

Food wise, he has weetabix or porridge for breakfast with a cup of milk, fruit for snack, school lunches, fruit or peanut butter and apple or similar after school, and normal family dinner. Has fruit and a biscuit after dinner. Has a glass of squash at dinner but otherwise drinks water.

Eldest DS has always been very slim. My family and DHs family are all overweight. My brother is very very tall, over 6 ft 7.

I can see DS2 is destined to be tall and large, but any tips or reassurance would be very welcome.

[WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC]

My DS was 6 weeks premature but was born in the normal birth weight range for a term baby, which honestly, if you think about it, is completely mad. He was 11kg at 6 months old and currently 0.5kg off of overweight for his height.

It's hard not to freak out about it, isn't it? I just stick to water for beverages, fibre and protein at each meal, sensible portions, and leave it tbh. New data does show that as long as a person's diet is varied and they get vigorous exercise every day, their health is typically good, even if they are overweight by BMI standards. UK healthcare hasn't really caught on to that very well yet, but it's the best data we have right now.

Feed him sensibly (I also recommend Ellyn Slatter) and make sure he exercises every day. Let the chips fall where they may. You can't put him on a diet at this age can you? I think it's one of those things that you've just got to ride out.

[GinAtMerlottes]

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC that’s really resonated, thank you.

[Foldinthecheese]

LUZON, I think you’re misinterpreting the idea of being ‘large’. Large doesn’t have to equate to being overweight. My children are going to be tall and large. They are solidly built and have bigger frames than other children, but they are not overweight.

Looking back at photos when I was a child, I can see that I was built the same. Unfortunately, I very quickly became aware of the fact that I was larger than others, and other children called me fat (although I wasn’t) and that led to a lifetime of issues with food. Now I’m overweight. I think the right thing is to keep children active and ensure a well-balanced diet, but also help them to appreciate that people come in different sizes, and that’s okay.

[moofolk]

People are all different sizes as adults and grow at different rates as kids

I have twins (aged 10) who are completely different builds and one is teeny, which just shows how even seemingly the same genetic inheritance and environment can produce startling different sized kids. They were both normal birth weight btw (7lb each), nothing to do with the fact that they are twins.

I worry about the wee one sometimes as he is smaller than some 6 and 7 year olds we know but that's just the size and shape he is.

Looks like your son is just big. He may continue and become a really large man or it might even out.

Essentially: don't worry. Sounds like you're doing just fine.

[Ploughingthrough]

I've got a big boy - 5.2 years, 121cm, size 13.5 feet, 23 kilos. He eats sensibly and normally, is active and isn't overweight (although he's at the higher end) so I don't worry.
He might end up being tall - there is certainly form for it in my family, or he might just be an early grower which is also common in my family.
Try not to worry op - they're all different, someone has to be at the top and bottom of the centile charts or there would be no 50th centile to calculate!

Your DS might be a little overweight, I don't know, but I wouldn't worry too much at age 4 other than not letting him snack lots and keeping him active.

[NotMyFinestMoment]

If his height corresponds with his weight generally then there is nothing for you to worry about. If he does ever show signs of putting on a few extra pounds in the future, just cut back a little on carby snacks and higher sugar fruits and switch them discreetly for healthier alternatives. He'll run off any extra lb's within a couple of weeks. My son is huge but he was a VERY big baby at birth and even though he is very young he wears four years older than his actual age. He put on a little bit of weight around his tummy in the last 6 weeks so following the same advice I put above for the last 7 days and already a noticeable difference.

[Doliv63]

My son is 25 and he is huge ..not fat but just a big guy!! He definitely should be a rugby player!Just make sure your son has a healthy diet and plays lots of sport.X

[TheTeenageYears]

@Handsoffisback are they still giving puddings daily for school dinners? I remember querying this when DS was at school many moons ago. He had a huge appetite but didn't eat puddings. The calorific content of a school lunch was worked out based on main and pudding and basically so they could give smaller portions of the more expensive main dish by adding the cheaper pudding bit. No one should be eating a pudding 5 or more days a week. Interesting how packed lunch kids were banned from bringing in even a very plain biscuit but school lunches included a stogy, sugary pudding everyday. I had hoped it wasn't still the case.

@GinAtMerlottes I have a 6'4" teen DS with size 14 feet. He was always pretty consistent in percentile terms in the red book which I took as a good sign. He was never off the chart and is a very strong, sporty build and very lean. Good quality protein will keep him fuller for longer. If you are in a position to it might be worth arranging to see a dietitian- they can tell you how much of everything DS should be eating personalised to his build and activity level.

[Prettybluepigeons]

School dinner puddings are not like normal puddings. They are very low sugar versions.

[Osirus]

@TerraMirabilis

My 2 year old is on track to be similarly big. 99th percentile for height. Lower for weight but still a very solid look to him. Privately, I'm glad he'll be very tall. I think it's a great advantage to have, especially for men. I would never say that to my friends with teeny tiny toddlers. I'm sometimes shocked by how small children even older than him are. I suppose my frame of reference is skewed.

I wouldn’t be absolutely certain on this. My sister had very tall young children, who have all grown to be very average height young adults. We were certain her daughter would be over 6ft as she was so tall in her early years (her father is over 6ft) and she is only around 5ft 6.

Same for her younger brother, who was a very large baby/toddler. He’s a bit taller than her, but no where near what was expected.

[Touchmybum]

It's so easy for people to criticise, isn't it? My eldest was a chubby (exclusively breastfed) baby. I managed to keep control of her weight until she was old enough to have her own money. She is a big girl which bothers me greatly but she is a fabulous human being, a wonderful daughter and a caring and compassionate and doing great in her chosen career. I hope one day she will decide to lose weight for herself.

2nd was always a slim build but put on some weight at uni, thankfully now losing it again.

3rd was skinny to say the least but went through a chunky phase before growing taller out of it.

All reared the same, all fed the same, but all different.

[hopsalong]

I think he sounds DS completely fine, though admit I had similar worries about DS when he started school last year at a very similar height and weight to your boy. But I think something changes in them at this age. My son has continued growing up on 97th height centile but weighs the same, maybe even a bit less, than he did a year ago. Suddenly he has these new long thin legs and I miss his chunky toddler ones.

[FrothyB]

Hi, I figured I'd chime in as an actual "giant". I'm sure some of what I say will not be what you want to read, but I can only tell you my experiences. I should point out that the vast majority of children, even the big ones, are unlikely to get to my height, so I wouldn't worry about that specifically, just see it as more broad take on being an abnormally tall person.

I'm 6'9/205 cm and well into the obese category, think Hodor from GoT or Hagrid. The two aren't necessarily connected, I come from an overweight and sedentary family, I have a largely sedentary job, and as an adult I use food as a crutch, so it's safe to assume I would be overweight regardless of my height.

My height never really held me back in school. In lower school I felt no different from anyone else, nor was I treated as.such by my peers.

In middle school things began to change, mostly because of my weight and the fact I was quite "soft". I remember a couple of accidents in lower school (genuine accidents I should add) when playing at break times, where it became obvious I could really hurt my friends without meaning to, such was the size difference. As a result, I shied away from physicality. When the bullying began, I wouldn't stand up for myself for fear of getting in trouble, so I became an easy target.

It got much worse once hormones kicked in, and boys began to take an interest in girls and vice versa. Teens still think very primitively when it comes to trying to attract someone, and several of the lads saw me as a scalp, take on the big guy to impress the girls. It's quite sad how often it seemed to work aswell. It didn't help my self esteem at all, that it was also becoming quite apparent that the girls among my year group seemed to view me as a freak. Certainly not someone anyone wanted to go out with.

I entered my teenage years despising myself and hating the people around me. My home life was also less than supportive, and I believe this to be the key. With a safe home, where I knew I was loved and valued, it's possible the things at school wouldn't have got to me so much. As it was, my parents marriage was slowly dying its death over a number of years, and my Dad reinforced the kids at school by telling me that "no girl will want you if you stay that fat" and things along those lines.

It took me many years, and going to the brink of some very dark places, for me to accept who and what I was and to see myself in a positive light. I dropped out of college, and never went to university. I never had teenage love, or any of those experiences that so many see as standard or take for granted.

The reason I say love and support at home is key, is that there were two of us in my town. Both of us the same height, both of us very overweight, and we both moved in similar circles so we were aware of each other. I was defensive, cynical, depressed. He was outgoing, well liked. Neither of us did very well with women, but then, not many people are attracted to fat people at the best of times, let alone when you add abnormal height into the mix.

I'm not sure how it happened anymore, but around 26/27, I finally just accepted things and let go of all the self loathing. I'm still a cynic and I'm not a fan of people, but I don't hate MYSELF. I met an amazing woman a couple of years after that, and I'm now the incredbly proud father of a wonderful, beautiful little girl who is my world. She's already in the 99th percentile for height, and it genuinely scares me what awaits her as she gets older and goes to school, but she will always know how much I love her.

I still struggle with my weight, even moreso now I'm getting older. I've tried everything bar a gastric band at this point, and I just don't want to take that leap. Don't put your son on a "diet" and never tell him he has to eat a certain way "or else he will get fat". If he is naturally slightly heavy set, he will see himself as "wrong" for not being able to match up to the ideal, if he's taught that fat is negative. Instead, encourage an active lifestyle and healthy food choices. Get those routines and practises in his head young, and they will stay with him into adulthood. The younger you do it, the better it will be for him, and always, always show him love and that to you there is nothing wrong with him, height, weight or otherwise. Make his size a positive aspect of his identity, not something to feel ashamed of or to shy away from.

I am an exceptional case, in that my life path was the product of multiple negative things happening at the worst time. I'm the extreme end of how things can turn out and I know the vast majority of tall people will have nothing like my experiences, so I wouldn't overly worry.

Apologies for the long winded reply. I saw this thread and it brought back alot of shit for me that I felt the need to let out.

[TitsOutForHarambe]

Well, if yes got huge hands and feet then he's obviously going to be a big lad. That's nothing to do with his body fat percentage, it's just how he is.

I would focus on making sure he's eating well - so plenty of fresh fruit and veg, good fats, complex carbs etc.

If you are really worried I would speak to your GP.

As other posters have said, a lot of kids can suddenyl get lean in their teens.

[LovePoppy]

@Thisismytimetoshine

Even disregarding his age, op, he's still overweight for his height.

What do you suggest? A diet?

Done kids do actually just store fat differently

[HerNameWasEliza]

I come from a family of fatties so feel your pain! My suggestions would be to make sure the evening meal is really quite small as it's the second meal of the day. My kids only had something like egg on toast for tea after a school dinner. I'd also given fruit not the biscuit too for pudding - it's too much perhaps for kids whose bodies are efficient storers of all extra calories! We stopped after school snacks quite early on too - maybe around 6. They don't really need them for most kids TBH and it's just habit that we now all give our kids snacks after school. I'd keep the milk with breakfast for the calcium but make it skimmed. You don't need big changes, just little tweaks. It's kind of working with my kids despite the genetic heritage BTW but I do feel that we need to be way more vigilant than many other parents (though we do this in more subtle ways, the kids don't know I'm checking out their BMI regularly).

[altiara]

Does he look like he’s bordering on overweight? As you’ve said he is but also that he has no fat on his ribs. So if he’s got a massively bigger build than other 4 year olds, then I can see why the charts will put him at overweight but common sense might not.

[30daysoflight]

@FrothyB

I am so sorry, I had similar experiences.
Bad home life, terrible school life.

Luckily, as you did, met my fabulous dh.

[TitsOutForHarambe]

I agree with others who are saying to stop the snacks. Most people don't need snacks, it's a habit that has developed in modern times.

[Beautiful3]

Hes not overweight. His diet sounds good. Hes going to be tall.

[RightYesButNo]

I definitely have let some extra snacks creep in since March but now he’s at school we can get a good food routine going.

So then I have to ask. Is the diet you listed in the OP:

• the way he’s been eating consistently all spring and summer,
  
• the way he’s been eating only since school started, or
  
• the way you intend for him to eat but still haven’t started yet?
  

I’m not trying to deliver a kicking. It’s just that saying that you let snacks sneak in and now you can start a food routine, but listing a perfectly balanced diet in the OP as if that’s what he’s been eating every single day with no adjustments is a bit confusing. None of us can tell you how snacks might have affected his weight without knowing how many or much they were or what he was exactly eating during lockdown. If he eats exactly as you listed in the OP with no deviations and plays sport and is never on screens, yes, it would be a little strange if he were overweight. If he doesn’t experience a growth spurt in six months that explains it, or lose the weight in sport/diet if it was due to lockdown, then I would mention it to a doctor at maybe the six-month mark from now. That would be the “ask someone” point for me. And if you reach that point, a doctor will probably still tell you that it’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

Big bones aren't the reason why people are overweight. The bones grow larger to support the extra weight.

[Porridgeoat]

That’s two big main meals and three snacks and breakfast.

Does have pudding everyday in school?

What size meal portions is he having?

Does he have seconds?

Could he eat carrots and cucumbers and other veg instead of so much fruit?

[Rangoon]

I'm sorry but when I fed those details through a BMI calculator for children and teens it said he was obese. Even though he is tall he is overweight. The family history is also a concern with as you point out overweight in both your family and your partner's family. Tall people can be overweight too. I'd get a doctor's checkup to make sure there is a medical issue such as a thyroid problem and then consult a dietician because he is getting those calories from somewhere and I wonder about the size of helpings. The older he is the more difficult it will be to change habits.

[StoppinBy]

I just did a BMI calculation and he is only about 1kg in to the overweight category.

I don't think you need to be concerned at all. Once he is in school and running around all the time he will probably slow right down.