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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's OK for my dd NOT to have a mobile phone now she's at secondary school??

33 replies

overthehill · 07/10/2007 00:05

I'm a bit of a technophobe & I don't have a mobile myself: I do worry about possible health risks & also wonder how something can go from being non-existent to totally essential in just a few years. Dd does go to school on the bus, but children always managed to do this before mobiles were invented, so I can't really see the need - they just seem like another expense, which could be stolen, lost or cause health problems. And before anyone wonders, I'm not a troll & this is a serious question. Fwiw, she has one friend who has no phone, & at one of the other schools in our town where some of her friends go children are not allowed mobiles.

OP posts:

xXxamyxXx · 07/10/2007 00:10

think they are good to have for emergencys do most of her friends have one?

brimfull · 07/10/2007 00:11

my dd didn't have one until yr 8 when she asked for one for her b'day

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I also don't see the harm in them having one.
If you don't think she's old enough for one that's fine.

Katsma · 07/10/2007 00:21

fwiw, my opinion is that they are an essential part of social networking for todays kids Tbh, can't understand how you don't have one yourself

Don't believe they cause health probs unless used for calls excessively, texting and moderate calls fine.

Yes, they are at risk of being lost/stolen, but could also be a lifeline in an emergency.

But I would get a mediocre one (neither naff for risk of teasing, nor state of the art for risk of theft). Would put it on pay as you go - child to get small amount of money put on and if they use all the credits up, well it's a lesson in money management.

And if they use it in the classroom, it's confiscated.

Original poster

overthehill · 07/10/2007 00:23

Of her 2 new friends at secondary, one does & one doesn't. I think a lot of her primary friends got them for their 11th birthdays, but several are only just 11, so it was tied in with going to secondary school. She'll be 12 in December, so maybe that's a good time to have another think about it. Glad - & a bit surprised tbh - that no-one's yet said that I'm an idiot for not giving her one.

OP posts:

lilolilmanchester · 07/10/2007 00:23

"Children always managed before they were invented". Could say the same about seat belts in cars TBH......

I am absolutely in agreement with you that if they have them glued to their ears all day, every day, there might be heath risks and they could become expensive. However, most if not all schools will confiscate phones if turned on during lesson time so that isn't going to happen. If you really wanted to , you could take it off her when she gets home. You could also set up a payment method whereby you monitor how much she is spending - even who she is calling if you wanted to go that far.Buying an el cheapo (you can text and make/receive calls but sod the video and photos) version will reduce the cost and ensure it doesn't get stolen. In my opinion - especially as she is travelling by bus - even if there is only one occasion when the phone saves her from being stranded in the dark on her own, then it's worth it. You can educate her about the other bits. (BTW, very impressed that inspite of your personal views, you are keeping an open mind on this one!)

lilolilmanchester · 07/10/2007 00:24

(xposts with Katsma - wrote similar, wasn't ignoring you, just got distracted while typing so took a while!)

Original poster

overthehill · 07/10/2007 00:31

Katsma, I think there's a lot of truth in the social networking thing for older kids, but she's quite young for her age & doesn't seem to want it for that. She does e-mail her friends though.

I'm not sure why can't you understand my not having one, & I seem to manage OK without most of the time - although I quite often contact dh on his as his work takes him all over. The other problem, of course, is that I'd probably need to get one too as I woudln't be able to text her otherwise...

Must go to bed now.

OP posts:

Original poster

overthehill · 07/10/2007 00:37

I think also that it's important not to let my Luddite views determine things, & I do worry if she's a bit late appearing from the bus stop (a good 15 mins' walk away). Also the other thing about the olden days is that there used to be phone boxes on every street corner, & it's not so easy these days to find one. The other thing I was thinking about is that soon it'll be dark when she's going to & from school, so that will add another dimension. Looks as though I might just have to drag myself into the 21st century, so maybe I'll discuss it with dh too...

OP posts:

Flamesparrow · 07/10/2007 00:48

Why is she likely to end up stranded in the dark alone Lilolil?

I'm too many years behind this problem to be allowed a view really (my eldest is 4 ), but I see my friends dropping their 14 yr old children to school because they can't possibly get the bus, and them having mobiles from 9yrs old - I'm baffled as to why they need them too tbh, but I am oddly old fashioned with parenting in general

Flamesparrow · 07/10/2007 00:49

There were very few phone boxes about on the corners as I was going back and forth to school too

sallystrawberry · 07/10/2007 01:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaureenMLove · 07/10/2007 01:42

Its not just about going to secondary school though is it. DD has just started yr 7 and she's not allowed a mobile at school, but she does go out at the weekends with her mates now. Only round the park, which is 5 minutes fromhere, but Ilike to know where she is and I like to be able to contact her if I need to. I know that when we were younger it wasn't an issue, but it didn't stop our parents worrying about us, so if, with todays technology, we have the availability to keep in contact with our children, why not? It doesn't have to cost the earth and if its the difference between me sitting at home just not knowing and me being able to contact dd anytime, anywhere, I know what I'd rather.

seeker · 07/10/2007 05:45

There's also the issue of "street cred". I think it's difficult to be cool without a phone these days, and social relationships are so complicated in year 7 that it's a good idea to avoid anything which might make theme even more so!

ThreadyKrueger · 07/10/2007 06:51

Overthehill:
I'm a bit like you. I only cracked and got a mobile this summer (and that was only because we needed one for emergency contactability on holiday)

My Ds1 has only just got a phone (12, Y8). He was desperate for one, and I have never been esp keen, because of the dangers of losing it, and because of so-called free downloads just being the opportunity for companies to scam him out of phone credit, or send him junk texts (this happened when he briefly had a phone a few years ago)

It has just got to the point where his independent social life makes a phone useful (he was borrowing other boys phoes to call me and let me know if he'd be late back from the park, town, etc.

Bu the main reason he has got one is that the street cred it confers makes it vital to him. I don't want him to feel excluded.

I guess if I was you I would get your dd a phone if she was really keen to have one, not otherwise.

I would worry a little about the health effects if she was spending a lot of time talking onn the phone. Ds1 doesn't chat on the phone -- he just likes all the extras (downloads, camara, etc)

ThreadyKrueger · 07/10/2007 06:57

sallystrawberry, "I texted him because I forgot to put parsnips on the list". I love that. It's got to be the most sensible argument for a mobile phone I've heard. (And how nice that your son does some shopping for you.)

seeker · 07/10/2007 07:02

My dd takes a packed lunch but last Friday she texted me to say it was chip day and could she use her emergency money on a school dinner!

Oenophile · 07/10/2007 07:02

I completely admire you for not falling blindly in with the crowd on this, and I find it amazing that teachers complain that children text their way through lessons - I just don't see how we've come to this in so short a time, just like you!

However, there's two aspects to the whole thing, as you said and a lot depends on circumstance. I wouldn't be without mine, for example, because I drive an ancient horsebox around remote places and sometimes break down - the phone has got me rescued on more than one occasion. Likewise, DD2's school was many miles away and I liked her to have the contact should she need it re. difficulties in transport. And they don't need to be an ever-growing addction and expense - my husband has one and hasn't yet used up a mere £5 of credit in three years!

Honestly I do think we might as well make use of this amazing new facility of having a personal phone and instant contact for emergencies at one's fingertips, it gives me peace of mind re the DDs - 'no news is good news', not 'no news might mean they're lost or late or in trouble'.

As for the health risks, the lastresearch I read suggested that any changes to the brain (scary I know) don't begin until around after ten minutes of phone being pressed to the ear (due to the increasing heat) and if you buy limited credit and try to impress that it's mainly an emergency tool and not a whole new lifestyle, I wouldn't worry too much. I suspect in another couple of years she will insist anyway, so no need to rush, perhaps - wait till she does, if no immediate advantage such as the potential stranded scenario.

Imalady · 07/10/2007 15:33

I have a mobile but if I'm honest I hardly use it. I've never been one to keep up with the Jones' and refuse to bow to peer pressue so am in total agreement with you being wary about getting one for your DD. If more parents stood together on this your child wouldn't feel the need to have one, same goes for PSPs, Nintendo DS and all other 'must haves' that so and so has but your child doesn't.

janeiteofthelivingdead · 07/10/2007 15:51

We compromised with dd when she started secondary school and bought her the cheapest pay as you go phone we could find. She only uses it to text her dad if she's staying for a club, or for him to tell her that he's taking dd2 to the park on the way home from primary school, so not to worry if they're a bit late.

She's just started complaining that her phone isn't "cool" - is now in Yr 8 but she knows that we're not up-dating it all the time and if she wants a new one she will have to ask for one for Christmas or wait until she has birthday money next year.

I don't have a mobile phone - can't really see the point of them tbh. We live in a city so are never far away from either a) a phone box or b) any other form of "civilisation"!

ScaryScienceT · 07/10/2007 15:53

Of course it's OK not to have a phone, but seriously, it must be one of the great advances in reducing the stress of parenting teenagers...

...or it would be if they turned it on, kept it charged, and kept it topped up.

Aero · 07/10/2007 15:56

My ds1 (9) in yr 5 has requested one for Christmas. He has been politely informed that this will not be happening under any circumstances and that his main reason for wanting one is simply because his two friends in our road (also 9) have one each and keep showing off their ringtones.

IMO He's time enough having one when he starts in secondary school and we've made this clear to him. Why on earth his friends have been given one, I've no idea - there's just no need at this stage as I take him pretty much everywhere he goes. It'll be a different matter altogether when he gets a little more independent and will be making his own way home from various places. We never had a mobile phone, of course at this age, but were always told to make a phone call home if there were any changes to plan. We used phone boxes and friends home phones. Same thing really, just made a little easier with technology, but at 9????? No way. Only one of his friends at school has one - the friends in the road are at different schools, so at least it's no big issue in the playground - Aero is thankful for small mercies!

Minum · 07/10/2007 16:30

I think the most useful thing about my ds having a mobile 12 (yr 8) is that he can call me when he leaves school if he wants to go to a friends house, or go to the park, and I know where he is. It would be a real pain for him to have to come home first, let me know where he wants to, then go out again.

And lovely when he comes out of school, I'm at work, and he can call me and tell me about something good thats happened to him that day - I love those calls.

unknownrebelbang · 07/10/2007 17:04

DS1 had one when he went to secondary school.

It's not used a great deal but it does give peace of mind in theory....when he remembers to take it/switch it on/keep it charged, lol. He has used it occasionally to ask me about staying over for clubs etc.

It is, however, quite ok for secondary school children not to have them. They don't need them. They're not essential items.

ScaryScienceT · 07/10/2007 17:06

The other thing, is that if your child really needs to contact you, there are plenty of phones to borrow. If you need to contact them, they have to have their phone turned on.

Blandmum · 07/10/2007 17:10

Please check with the school to see if they allow them.

They are banned where I work as they have been linked to bullying and thefts.

Schools will phone home for the child if there is a need./ pass on messages from you to child.

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