To say that getting up at 9.30 isn’t ridiculously late

[RoseLillian]

So my Mum is arguing that I need to get up earlier and ‘fit in with my kids timetable’. I feel I am ‘fitting in with my kids timetable’. My kids are real night owls. They are both not good sleepers. Dd age 4 gave up her naps between 1 year and 18 months. I always thought I was doing something wrong with her and that is why she was impossible to get to sleep. Turns out when she started nursery at 1 they had the same issues. They are used to getting all types of kids to sleep and even they failed with her. Now at 4 she is hard work getting to go to sleep.

My youngest at 2 is still napping. She was also going to sleep at a reasonable time. However she has rarely slept through. Now she has decided she doesn’t want to sleep till around 10 on the days she has a nap. Then she still wakes up in the night. DH isn’t dealing with her in the night as I am still BF. Currently both of us WFH and on flexi hours. If one of DD’s gets up early he deals with them as I’ve had the disturbed sleep. I am still up by 9.30 at the latest. Mum seems to think I should get up when the earliest of the kids gets up despite there being no need for me to do so at the moment. What is there to be gained by me being tired. She would probably argue I should go to sleep earlier, but that means zero down time as my youngest is up till 10. When I need to I am upearlier, for example when I have meetings. Come September when my oldest is starting reception and my youngest is starting preschool we will all have to adjust, but then the clocks will change anyway. I really just don’t see her argument.

[speakout]

That sounds lovely!!!! I hate going to sleep early though, I need that time to myself in the evening.

That's the downside of an early start! But then I am tired in the evening and look forward to an early night.
I can't have the same space in the evenings- we are a family of 5- including young adult children. So if I am around in the evening and they generally fend for themselves there is still that "Mum do you know where my water bottle is" or "Mum can you make your special cocoa" or well meaning " lets watch x on TV together.
Which is lovely and we do a lot as a family, but it isn't alone me time, to self nurture, play my gentle music and have no one around.
My family are mostly all owls- so the hours in the morning are far more valuable to me than late night hours.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

@Alltheyoungpups Could not give a shit if you're in bed at 10am. But if you were living in my house (as OP is living in her Mums) and i've been listening to your kids running round for 3 hours or been up at the same time and them asking me to watch Peppa Pig with them, help them do this, watch them do this...

Then I'd think you'd be taking the piss lying in bed.

[Alltheyoungpups]

Then I'd think you'd be taking the piss lying in bed.

or maybe I'd be happy to help out with my own grandchildren whilst my own daughter was able to sleep? Depends which way you look at it really 🤷

[CorianderLord]

Larks are so annoying 🙄Never understand that the whole world doesn't conform to their waking hours

[speakout]

Larks are so annoying 🙄Never understand that the whole world doesn't conform to their waking hours

I am grateful to people who sleep late.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Never understand that the whole world doesn't conform to their waking hours no but schools do, most places of work do. Most people I know who have a late bed time for children do struggle once school creeps round. I have a friend who’s 2.5yr old goes to bed at 10pm, nursery opens at 7.30, they drop them off at 10am. I personally wouldn’t want to pay for hours I don’t use or teach my child that they don’t need to be places on time.

[Newdaynewname1]

The onlything i can see is preparing for school - if you have to have her out of the door by 8am by September, I would work towards that.

[Hardbackwriter]

I have a friend who’s 2.5yr old goes to bed at 10pm, nursery opens at 7.30, they drop them off at 10am. I personally wouldn’t want to pay for hours I don’t use or teach my child that they don’t need to be places on time.

But nursery isn't like school - there's an earliest possible time, but not a set starting time for everyone. DS's nursery is open 7.30-6 but we try and keep him to 8.30-5 if we possibly can because that's such a long day for a toddler - nursery opening hours are a maximum not a target! I have picked him up just before 6 before and there are only a couple of children there then so most people must pay for hours they don't use.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

@Alltheyoungpups The OPs Mum isn't though is she? That's the point of the thread

If OP was in her own house it'd be fuck all to do with her Mum but if she's not putting both her kids to bed till 10pm then up for hours afterwards then not getting up till 9.30 when the kids have been up for hours....her Mum isn't being a bitch and shouldn't be grateful to help out with the kids while OP lies in bed.

Her Mum said she should try to keep the same hours as her kids timetable, OP said she is but she clearly isn't when she's having 'down time' for however long after 10pm and then not getting up for hours after the kids have been awake in the morning.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Yes there is a difference with nursery, I’m just saying as an example I think people who run to such a schedule will really struggle when their kids go to school and have a set time!

[Alltheyoungpups]

I have a friend who’s 2.5yr old goes to bed at 10pm, nursery opens at 7.30, they drop them off at 10am. I personally wouldn’t want to pay for hours I don’t use or teach my child that they don’t need to be places on time.

Here you, another one, sanctimonious and judgy post. I don't think a toddler cares overly about time keeping. I've got DT's and often rocked up with them at 10.30am, I was exhausted from lack of sleep and nursery couldn't give a hoot as they got paid whenever I arrived.

[Alltheyoungpups]

The OPs Mum isn't though is she? That's the point of the thread

The father is caring for them though from 7.30am not the mum?

[lboogy]

On a personal note I think 9.30 is very late. I'm up before 6am on most days. I'm a morning person. I love getting up early because I get at least 1-2hours to myself before my D.C. wakes up.

As for your AIBU. You ANBU. It's your household, do whatever works for you and ignore your mom.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Here you, another one, sanctimonious and judgy post it’s an opinion. I don’t care what people do with their children.

[Fatted]

Oh marvelous OP, your mum lives with you so she can get up nice and early with the kids to give you AND DH a lie in. Fantastic.

I have a mum like this too. I do wonder how she thinks I coped all this time without her.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

@Alltheyoungpups That doesn't mean the Mum (GM) isn't helping or involved as I guarantee she is.

And that doesn't exclude the OP from being lazy or taking the piss. She objected to her Mum saying she should go to bed earlier because after 10pm is her 'down time'. So if she's going to bed at midnight or 1am or whenver, that's her choice. So yeah, go to bed earlier if you can't drag your arse out of bed before 9.30 am when your kids have been up for hours. She's got a BF 2 year old not a newborn. Even if she is going to bed at midnight though choice, can't get up till 9.30 am? Come on.

[MrsJBaptiste]

My son is similar to your kids, only at 18 months he has gone to bed before midnight only a handful of times. He does however sleep till midday and is a very happy boy. We have tried multiple times to get him to sleep earlier, even just 11pm but he refuses and screams the house down

Well of course he won't go down before 11pm as he's only been awake since midday

[2155User]

absolutely none of her business.

My husband and I have the same set up.

DS didn't sleep through the night and woke at 7am. DH would take him at 7, I would stay in bed until 9:30 to catch up on sleep and then get up. Worked perfectly

[RoseLillian]

For those thinking it’s that my Mum doesn’t have her evenings, she does. We take DD’s up to bed at 7.30. Do the usual bedtime routine stories etc. Mum has all that time to herself to watch tv etc. It can just take that long to get them off to sleep. If my oldest takes too long DH leaves her to it. My youngest I stay with her to settle her. Especially because it isn’t my house and I don’t think it’s right for her to be screaming the place down when I leave.

DH also does flexi time so no he isn’t starting work if I am not up. In fact my Mum gets up early and goes off for a walk (as she was doing before we moved in).

We put an offer in on an empty house pretty much as soon as the last purchase fell through. There is one issue currently holding up the purchase which the solicitors are dealing with. Very much hoping to move out soon.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

She's not living in a sound proofed room though is she? You might go up with the kids at 7.30pm but she'll still hear it all. And it isn't a relaxing evening for her to enjoy with other people in her house doing their thing. Especially when people are trying to get kids to sleep and they're 'bad sleepers'...you're naturally not going to do some things and feel inhibited unless you live in a mansion where nothing can be heard.

And then at 10pm it's your 'down time' so assume for a few hours you and DP are watching TV? Eating? Showering? Chatting? Working?

I think she's massively disrupted her life to do you a favour to be honest and you should be grateful. You shouldn't be expected to go to bed when they do even though it's so late but if you choose not to, don't moan that she's being unreasonable to expect you to drag yourself out of bed before 9.30 when your DC have been up for hours.

[RoseLillian]

No we are not showering etc. We are sat downstairs just watching tv or reading etc. For part of which she is up and she gets full say of what’s on tv. The kids aren’t crashing around making noise upstairs either. They get changed into pyjamas and have a couple of stories and then are in bed. They aren’t allowed to be making lots of noise. My youngest spends a lot of time suckling or laying there sucking her thumb. She just won’t go to sleep. I am not sure how I am meant to force her. If I left her she would scream and cry which would disturb my Mum. But she is quite content just lying there next to me.

I am grateful for my Mum letting me stay. That doesn’t give her a free reign to dictate every aspect of my life though. As I mentioned earlier the reason we are moving is so she isn’t living in an area by herself. We have uprooted our family so we could move close to her. I have concerns about her being by herself going into old age. We have already done lots of little DIY jobs around the house for her that she couldn’t do. I know she will never show any gratitude for me moving my family for her that is the way she is. I just don’t want the constant criticism.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

She's not dictating every area of your life though is she?

She just said - could you get up when your kids do while in my house? Which isn't 4am, it's 7.30am. Which most parents do?

I really don't see why it's so offensive an idea you get up before 9.30am to be with your kids tbh. Or why you'd be so tired not doing so when you could go to bed a lot earlier than you do.

And she might not be hearing a lot of activity from your kids from 7.30 - 10pm but she WILL be inhibited and not relaxing and enjoying her evenings as she would if she was alone. Because unless we're inconsiderate assholes, we modify our behaviour when parents are trying to get kids to sleep. Especially 'bad sleepers' who take hours to get to sleep; you do everything you can to be as quiet as possible.

And unless she asked you to move, you can't hold that over her and expect her to be 'grateful'.

Are you paying her anything for the 4 of you?

[AryaStarkWolf]

who on Earth voted YABU, fgs, do what works for you all

[squanderedcore]

Sorry but I think all the "it's none of your mum's business" answers have been somewhat negated by the disclosure that you are living in your mum's house and she took you all in as a massive favour. In these circs , I think you should try and fit in with her as much as possible. I appreciate it's a really difficult situation though if your dc don't go to sleep easily. But your mum's routine will have already been impacted massively by having a family of four move in.

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

Yanbu

Firstly of course it’s none of her business.

There’s also been a lot more research done into people’s different circadian rhythms and sleep cycles. Not everyone is cut out to wake at the same time. I know before my Ds was back at school I was getting about about the same time and it was so much better for me physically and mentally.