To say that getting up at 9.30 isn’t ridiculously late

[RoseLillian]

So my Mum is arguing that I need to get up earlier and ‘fit in with my kids timetable’. I feel I am ‘fitting in with my kids timetable’. My kids are real night owls. They are both not good sleepers. Dd age 4 gave up her naps between 1 year and 18 months. I always thought I was doing something wrong with her and that is why she was impossible to get to sleep. Turns out when she started nursery at 1 they had the same issues. They are used to getting all types of kids to sleep and even they failed with her. Now at 4 she is hard work getting to go to sleep.

My youngest at 2 is still napping. She was also going to sleep at a reasonable time. However she has rarely slept through. Now she has decided she doesn’t want to sleep till around 10 on the days she has a nap. Then she still wakes up in the night. DH isn’t dealing with her in the night as I am still BF. Currently both of us WFH and on flexi hours. If one of DD’s gets up early he deals with them as I’ve had the disturbed sleep. I am still up by 9.30 at the latest. Mum seems to think I should get up when the earliest of the kids gets up despite there being no need for me to do so at the moment. What is there to be gained by me being tired. She would probably argue I should go to sleep earlier, but that means zero down time as my youngest is up till 10. When I need to I am upearlier, for example when I have meetings. Come September when my oldest is starting reception and my youngest is starting preschool we will all have to adjust, but then the clocks will change anyway. I really just don’t see her argument.

YANBU. My 8 & 6yr old are still awake upstairs now, they will not sleep, I've tried hypnotising them with some rabbit book and everything! They aren't going to be up early in the morning, even when I drag them out of bed early and spend all day trying to wear them out they will not go to sleep at the moment. I can't wait for them to be back at school, I dunno what they do to them there but it makes them tired!

She sounds like my mum: hard work. Always issuing unsolicited advice/passing comment. It's suffocating.

As long as you are up when your kids and aren't expecting anyone else to pick up the slack then I really can't see what the issue is. Tell her thank you for her opinion and then change the subject.

I don't know what kind of values your mother holds, or what kind of background she had, but to be honest, it seems she's approaching this from a conservative/sexist angle to me. What is the issue with you getting up late if your husband wakes up earlier and ensures the children are looked after? I imagine the main reason your mother thinks you need to get up that early is because you're "the mum" and therefore you're the "primary caregiver" and "organiser/runner of the family" so the day doesn't properly get started until you're up.

I cannot imagine any other reason for her thinking that you specifically need to be "in tune" with the kids' timetables (but not your husband), even when your husband already does wake up earlier to look after your children, and all caregiving duties are taken care of before you wake.

Also, 9.30 really isn't that late.

It depends on your routines and what needs to be “done” each day.

By 9.30 am I have been at work for 4 hours already. Doesn’t mean it’s late to be getting up. I start work early because I live in a country with 6 time zones and I need to be there for my agents when they are working and most of them are 3 hours ahead of me.

ive been parenting for 20 years - been up from 4am, and up at 10am, sometimes even 11. I know! what a lazy cow i am. My older kids (now adults) were early risers, my younger kids are night owls. We homeschool so can set own schedule there. Ive just adapted to their clocks. I wouldnt worry OP. Just do whatever works for you guys, and if you need to adapt due to a new work/school schedule then you can change things in a few days. Simples.

Ignore her - my sister and mum used to wake up at 10am and I used to wake up 5am when I was little and play with my toys . Till my dad came home from the night shift and he used to give me breakfast - do whatever works for you . We used to go bed really late and wake up when we needed to for school and on weekends when we wanted to - we all turned out fine .

Do whatever works best for you - everyone always like giving their 2 pence worth of advice 😂

DH is up so why would you get up?

Do you think it is less about the wake up but more your mum on at you to wean at night? One the face of it 9.30 sounds blissful but if it’s because the 2yo is going to bed late and waking then that doesn’t seem sustainable once you’re back to school etc

The 2yo probably is at that annoying point of not needing to nap so long. My first did the same for a bit and I hated not knowing whether she’d need one. We found doing a nap every other day worked better than cutting the time for us.

If your set-up works for you then just crack on and ignore her but it would send me crazy.

So long as your children are not up alone and you have nowhere to be, I don’t see the issue. Enjoy it while you can.

The older generation in my family are completely obsessed with early rising

What a strange comment.

OP What time does your OH start work? Does he wait until you wake before he starts his working day?
I know your OH gets up and looks after your child in the morning, but could it be that the care is actually being shared by hi and your mother in the mornings?
Or indeed your mother finds she is doing child care while your OH works and you are sleeping- in which case she has grounds to be pissed off.

Many people think rising early, starting work early and going to bed early is virtuous and shows good moral fibre. Doing it the other way around is seen as lazy and slovenly. I have no idea why. As a PP said there are the same number of hours in the day and if you get the same stuff done, so what?

We're all owls in our house. I've trained myself to get up early so I can get a block of work done before my children wake up but I much prefer to rise late and I'm naturally most productive and energetic in the late afternoon and evening.

I'm happy for my children to stay up later until they're tired. It seems mean to hustle them off to bed at 7pm when many English people think they should go. 7pm seems like the middle of the day in our house. If they were a pain I'd agree but they are fine and I enjoy seeing them. (I'm here all day at the moment obviously but working so I don't get any quality time with them until I've finished).

Sounds like you and your husband are a good team.

If you have the most disturbed sleep it makes sense that your oh wakes up with them in the morning. As long as your work don't have a problem with you starting work after 9.30am then it isn't an issue. To be honest the only way I think it could impact on your parents is if your kids disturb them a lot when they wake up and are not adequately supervised by your oh eg. if they are doing the majority of the children's care in the morning instead of him. If this doesn't apply then fair enough.

I would be looking at establishing a proper bedtime routine for both kids, it is hard and you will need to persevere but will be better for when they go back to school or start preschool. Mine are nearly 3 and 4 and on the rare occasion they do fall asleep during the day they won't sleep till 10pm so I avoid naps as much as possible.

Its whatever suits the family the children are in, my eldest slept with us until he was 7 , my youngest needed his bed by 6pm, we were all up around 5am, and we all got a good night sleep. If I had done it all by the book, we would have been zombies .

Saying kids won't sleep is just what people who don't know how to establish a routine with their children say.

When your eldest starts school you'll need to get to them bed by about 7pm unless you want a tired child who struggles with school. I'd start now.

What's any of this got to do with your mum?

That's 'half way through the bloody day' is what my Dad would have said, I can hear him now 🤣

My Mum would think it, but not say it, but then blather on about what she's done while said person was still in bed.

I've always been a morning person, but I'm also a night owl & don't sleep well in between. I'd sell my soul for a decent nights sleep.

I love the early hours of the day, but if you're happy as you are then just ignore her. DH is up with the youngest - it's not like she's roaming the house on her own playing with knives!

Have you found another house yet? I'd be onto every agent as they sometimes don't even get as far as advertising a house and I'd be on Rightmove with my morning coffee!

Although it's nothing to do with your Mum, it kind of is while you're living there. I find it a little bit annoying tip toeing around the house if someone is staying & sleeping in, but I accept not everyone is up at 5/6

Depending on how old your Mum is (how her life has been) she might genuinely feel you're putting your marriage at risk expecting/allowing your DH to get up and look after your DD.

Maybe your night owling is disturbing her sleep? I struggle to sleep if others are still up.

Next time she goes on about it, ask why she thinks that.

Good luck house hunting!

If your children are up until 10pm maybe your mum doesn't like the fact that none of you have any downtime? You might not be too bothered but maybe your mum would like a few child-free hours before bed?

ravenmum OP lives with her Mum.

Maybe the OP's Mum doesn't want toddlers crashing about at 10pm.

Many adults like a quiet evening.

Oh I missed that. Time to move out, clearly!

is she being disturbed by your dc?
it sounds late to me, i always remember calling someone from my job who had obviously just woken up with the phone call @ 9.30

*Saying kids won't sleep is just what people who don't know how to establish a routine with their children say.

When your eldest starts school you'll need to get to them bed by about 7pm unless you want a tired child who struggles with school. I'd start now.*

I agree. It can take a while to establish new routines.
There is good reason that parents generally have their young children in bed by 7pm.
A child in reception will have to get up at 7am, and unless you want a kid tired and unable to concentrate at school then they need an early night.
It takes effort to establish good bedtime routines, but pays off. Kids go down early, adults get a few hours breathings space and children are well rested in the morning.

I agree, but do what suits you in your own house.
The drip feed is you actually live with your mum at the moment which shines a different light on things. I agree your mum probably wants her evenings back and not have children up around the house so late.

You don't have to persuade her of your point of view, she doesn't get input into your family schedule.

I would hate your routine for a number of reasons but I don't get a vote either!