To say that getting up at 9.30 isn’t ridiculously late

[RoseLillian]

So my Mum is arguing that I need to get up earlier and ‘fit in with my kids timetable’. I feel I am ‘fitting in with my kids timetable’. My kids are real night owls. They are both not good sleepers. Dd age 4 gave up her naps between 1 year and 18 months. I always thought I was doing something wrong with her and that is why she was impossible to get to sleep. Turns out when she started nursery at 1 they had the same issues. They are used to getting all types of kids to sleep and even they failed with her. Now at 4 she is hard work getting to go to sleep.

My youngest at 2 is still napping. She was also going to sleep at a reasonable time. However she has rarely slept through. Now she has decided she doesn’t want to sleep till around 10 on the days she has a nap. Then she still wakes up in the night. DH isn’t dealing with her in the night as I am still BF. Currently both of us WFH and on flexi hours. If one of DD’s gets up early he deals with them as I’ve had the disturbed sleep. I am still up by 9.30 at the latest. Mum seems to think I should get up when the earliest of the kids gets up despite there being no need for me to do so at the moment. What is there to be gained by me being tired. She would probably argue I should go to sleep earlier, but that means zero down time as my youngest is up till 10. When I need to I am upearlier, for example when I have meetings. Come September when my oldest is starting reception and my youngest is starting preschool we will all have to adjust, but then the clocks will change anyway. I really just don’t see her argument.

[MotherMorph]

My MIL gets up ridiculously early for no particular reason and goes to bed quite late, claiming she needs very little sleep, ignoring the 10 naps she has during the day!

[grisen]

My son is similar to your kids, only at 18 months he has gone to bed before midnight only a handful of times. He does however sleep till midday and is a very happy boy. We have tried multiple times to get him to sleep earlier, even just 11pm but he refuses and screams the house down.

One day he’ll have to be up for school, but when he went to nursery he’d fall asleep on the way there and sleep till midday and they couldn’t wake him up and keep him up. Quite funny actually because they said they hadn’t had a child like him before that wouldn’t wake up for anyone or anything!

[MotherMorph]

Saying kids won't sleep is just what people who don't know how to establish a routine with their children say.

It took my eldest until 6 years old to sleep through the night and I could literally scream when I hear stuff like this. The hours and and hours I put in to bedtime routines and sat by her bed , did cc, sticker charts, incentives etc all would work for a short period of time then something would happen (like being ill or going on holiday) and we'd be back to square 1.
My 2nd child slept through at 6 months and is still a way better sleeper.

I could say in response "people who congratulate themselves on having a child that sleeps well and eats well are usually blessed with a certain amount of luck on the temperament of their child but want to take all the credit for it, so put it down to superior parenting skills."

[caramac04]

Erm - the other parent is sharing the parenting and your arrangement means you both get sleep.
Would you DM say your DH should get up early if he slept later or is it just you as a mother that has to get up early?
Nearer September you might be wise to try your new routine to establish a different sleeping pattern for your children but that might be tricky. With school routine DC might change sleep routines .

[GoneFishingAgain]

Does your Mum have an issue with - your husband getting up early with DC (should be a woman's job), you still BF, not having an evening without a toddler running around?

Normally I would say ignore but that's not so easy to do if you're living in her house. Maybe she's feeling uncomfortable with no peace.

You will need to get into a routine for school starting - would she be willing to help? Or just continue to criticise?

[WeAllHaveWings]

Massive drip feed that you are living with your mum. How does the children staying up so late affect her? Are they in her living-room at night meaning she can't relax and watch TV etc.

When you dh is getting up early with the kids is he sorting them out fully, making them breakfast, tidying up after them and entertaining them until you are up and about, or does your mum feel she needs to step in?

[Stellakent]

I think if you are living with your mum then she may be affected by it and you should discuss it with her. She may also be concerned that your routine is not sustainable once your children start school and be encouraging you to start changing it now so that the children and you get enough sleep and are able to get up early in the mornings.

[Charleyhorses]

Ah well, all the more reason to stay under the duvet as long as possible I say.

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

@grisen

My son is similar to your kids, only at 18 months he has gone to bed before midnight only a handful of times. He does however sleep till midday and is a very happy boy. We have tried multiple times to get him to sleep earlier, even just 11pm but he refuses and screams the house down.

One day he’ll have to be up for school, but when he went to nursery he’d fall asleep on the way there and sleep till midday and they couldn’t wake him up and keep him up. Quite funny actually because they said they hadn’t had a child like him before that wouldn’t wake up for anyone or anything!

So you took your child out of nursery because he couldn’t stay awake?

[Redcups64]

As long as someone is up when the earliest wakes up, like their dad then there is no need for you to be up too.

This is a trivial argument though that doesn’t need much head space, just tell everyone you get up at 6- that’s what we all say

[Redcups64]

If your living with your mum that’s different, you should get up! It’s not fair everyone in the house is up looking after the kids and your still in bed every day until 9:30

[FishyDuck]

I think 9.30 is definitely late when you have DC. We like to get up and ready for the day by 8.30 at the latest.

My MIL believes that getting up after 9 is a sign of slovenliness and laziness!

[WeAllHaveWings]

One day he’ll have to be up for school, but when he went to nursery he’d fall asleep on the way there and sleep till midday and they couldn’t wake him up and keep him up. Quite funny actually because they said they hadn’t had a child like him before that wouldn’t wake up for anyone or anything!

He was obviously exhausted from staying up half the night, being woken to get washed/dressed/breakfast and needed to catch up on his sleep. Not surprised they hadn't had a child like him before, parents usually ensure their children don't get into such unhealthy sleep patterns.

[Jellybeansincognito]

I also think that is late.

Having your child up until 10 isn’t fair on anyone. Where is your break?

Have you tried to wake them up earlier to see if it impacts their day sleep wise? I’d honestly be getting them up at 6.30-7 for a week to see if they go to bed at a more appropriate time.

[20viona]

I think that's late. Even before kids I never got up that late.

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

@20viona

I think that's late. Even before kids I never got up that late.

Do you want a medal?

[ifonly4]

It does seem late, but if it works for your family then I guess it's up to you. The only thing I'd say is that your four year old will be in school in September, it could be staggered starts, the earliest here is 8am. I'd be inclined to slowly start bringing bedtimes and wake up times forward, as I think you'll all struggle being out of the house 7.30/8am.

[speakout]

I am glad lots of people sleep late- some of my own family included!
Thank you for leaving the early morning quiet and uncluttered for us larks!

I am a very early riser, I love a 6am start- even at weekends.
Such a precious time for me.
I can have a leisurely shower, do a yoga session, have my breakfast in peace, feed the birds, and generally have a few hours of me time before the everyone else gets up and the clatter begins.
By that time I am calm, organised and in a great mood to tackle the day.

Stay in bed owls- we thank you for it!

[Railingsohno]

@speakout

I am glad lots of people sleep late- some of my own family included!
Thank you for leaving the early morning quiet and uncluttered for us larks!

I am a very early riser, I love a 6am start- even at weekends.
Such a precious time for me.
I can have a leisurely shower, do a yoga session, have my breakfast in peace, feed the birds, and generally have a few hours of me time before the everyone else gets up and the clatter begins.
By that time I am calm, organised and in a great mood to tackle the day.

Stay in bed owls- we thank you for it!

That sounds lovely!!!! I hate going to sleep early though, I need that time to myself in the evening.

[Nottherealslimshady]

Your mum sounds like a martyr of the 1950s god forbid a man is expected to look after his own children. Ignore. Maybe even tell her you all like keeping that time as DHs time with the children.

[WhatCFeryIsThis]

Here's something... what if her mum told her to butt out of your business? As mothers are all seeing and all knowing according to her, she would have to stop. She believes she has authority over your decisions because she's your mum, forgetting that by her logic you have authority over your children because you're their mum

I get that often our mums 'mean well' but I also believe that when you remind them of how they became so knowledgeable in the first place, by making mistakes/trying new things/learning, the argument to do what they say falls through. If you were a compliant sleeper as a child, she should consider herself lucky, and that's that.

[Hardbackwriter]

I think it's a massive factor that most people are overlooking here that you're living in her house. That absolutely explains why she thinks it's her business - it is, I imagine keeping these hours is impacting on her. If you're a guest in someone's house then I think you should fit in with their routines even if that means going to bed or getting up earlier or later than you would like to at home. You're not at home.

[Mrsjayy]

What your mother is saying you should be a martyr she probably was up at the crack of dawn and it would have beeb seen as a slight on her mothering if she stayed in bed you are meant to be on your knees! Just roll your eyes and enjoy your sleep.

[Alltheyoungpups]

I think it’s a huge shame some posters are trying to tell you 9.30 wake up is late.

Yeah, all the sanctimonious posters declaring that they're all up and PRODUCTIVE by 8.30am every day at the latest...

I'm still in bed at 10am, so what? The smugness and worthiness is quite nauseating.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

So the youngest isn't going to bed till 10pm then you and DP are having 'down time' after, so going to bed when?

It's her house and there's a 4 year old up till late, a 2 year old up till 10pm then you and DP up till whenever...

She's up early in the morning as is your DP and the kids, there's no way she isn't involved with them in the mornings.

Then you come down at 9.30...

I can see her point to be honest.