To escape to the country?

[Manchmallehrerin]

DH and I are fantasising about leaving our outer London suburb and getting a nice house in the country...

We are both fed up with living in such a built up area and DH’s job has become WFH... (I can work anywhere..) we have both lived rurally before, but not for years and not with DCS. I would like a large garden, maybe a pony ( or 2) and a bigger house. Financially it would make sense.

However, are very lucky with amenities here... train to London on the doorstep, green space and opportunities for almost any activity the DCs might decide to do. Good health services, leisure centres/ theatres etc. A selection of good or outstanding secondary schools when the time comes. The DCs can cycle to school and will be able to visit friends etc independently later on. We are not dependent on a car if we dont’t want to drive.

but, it is busy, noisy and there is a lot of anti social behaviour and traffic congestion. We don’t have family here and not many local friends. DH is sensitive to noise and hates living in an attached house. We can’t afford detached around here.

Is it fair on the DCs to move them away from all the opportunities they will have here? Will I just spend 10 years as a taxi driver?

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Living deep in the country can be lovely for small DC but as soon as they want to do anything independently it's a nightmare, particularly for the DC.

We live in a tiny house in a small but lively city. My DC, now adult, have always pitied their cousins, whose home was a far nicer house in the middle of nowhere. My DC could easily get weekend work, go clubbing or to the cinema, hang out with friends... From childhood on they were able to access all our local amenities on their own feet. Life could be very spontaneous because planning wasn't necessary.

Their cousins needed a lift to do anything. Everything had to be planned in advance. They couldn't arrange anything without parental involvement and as a result they were constantly supervised.

Teens need a certain amount of autonomy and privacy. If they don't you get the unhealthy situation where kids are constantly monitored until they move away from home at 18+ - and frequently run amok.

There's also the fact that in the country your kids will have a very limited social circle. If most of that small group spend their time getting wasted, vandalising things or drink driving (all common country pursuits among the young and aimless) then your DC are far more likely to be sucked in than if they have a wide choice of companions.

[Manchmallehrerin]

Thanks for all the comments - lots of food for thought.

Where we are is on the very edge of London, some people consider it a ‘market town’ even. We have fields a ten minute walk away and I ride locally. A short drive gets us out into the countryside ( just countryside that is full of people and very ‘tame’... Previously I lived in a tiny flat in zone 2 ( and loved it when I was free and single) but we moved here when DCs were imminent and we needed more space. I always said I would either live proper city or proper rural but not in suburbia - yet here I am...

Equally I lived one the edge of a small city with countryside on my doorstep growing up, then moved ( as a young adult) to a place which was about as remote as you can get without going to Scotland. 16 miles from town on a single track road - nearest neighbours a mile away... But I was working as part of a small community so it was a different kind of isolation. I loved that - but I’m not sure if it would work for us as a family.

Our budget isn’t massive ( by London standards) and we are looking at the southern half of the UK to be nearer family... so if anyone knows an area that ticks all the boxes please pass them this way!

[Subordinateclause]

I grew up in a small village with poor public transport and feel I missed out on lots of things. It got marginally better when some people passed their driving tests but the number of people in my year who rolled their cars on the country lanes was insane - long dark journeys between villages and cocky bored teenagers I suppose. I live in a market town now and can see how many more opportunities my children will have.

[Dowser]

Just wonder if there’s an update
If you’d had any more thoughts on this op.

[pigeon999]

We moved to the countryside 16 years ago, from London.

We have now have teens, it is the best move we ever made. The children had an idyllic childhood playing in the woods, making dens and climbing trees. It has been a peaceful, calm and beautiful place to grow up.

Now they are teens they love it even more! They go off into the town with their friends, and come back home to relax, play tennis, walk the dogs. I think the country lifestyle is keeping my teens out of trouble and fit and active. They dip into what is interesting, and relax at home.

We support the local villages and we have so many friends, as it is so friendly here. I would not swap it for the world! Especially during the lockdown, it has made me realise how lucky we are.

[StonedRoses]

I think it’s great for children. Less so for teens. Few of their friends will be in walking distance. So you’ll be ferrying them around. And not much for them to do. Peace and quiet and long country walks are less appealing to teens!

[pigeon999]

It depends on the teens, my teens love the country, like riding, tennis and swimming. They get some serious studying done at home, and can limit how much they commit to. We have lots of their friends staying for the weekend, and it works out well. They also like to go shopping in London and out for the day. It is just a train ride away.
I am not keen on them hanging around towns and parks bored every night and getting into trouble (as we did as teens) stoned

[Malbecblooms]

Where in "the country" ? This will make a huge difference, also be careful what you will for, find a nice village and find the pub has closed, the po is closed the busses don,t come to 10.am and end at 4.00pm. This is the reality for some. (or similar )

For us part of the pleasure of living in the countryside where is that things happen slowly.

We do have a pub though and that was a big thing for us (pre children) to have somewhere to go for a nice Sunday lunch after a walk.

I live having limited amenities though, it stops the consumerism of thinking "I just need to get"
You just learn to live differently, so we keep bread in the freezer, 1 spare of toothpaste, shampoo, beans, tinned tomatoes etc.

We have lived rurally most of the time we have been together but neither of us grew up rural. We hate going to cities and busy places now because we are so used to calm and quiet and a traffic jam for us is the sheep on the road.

[lafillette]

We live in a village between 2 nice small touristy towns, about 4 miles to each and one has a train station on a main line, Countryside on our doorstep, village has shop, church, mobile library, village hall, no bus other than a school bus twice a day. We love it but in retrospect when we moved house 8 years ago from one local house to another it would have probably been better for the kids as teenagers if we had bought a house in one of the towns instead. We did become taxi drivers for their teenage years and it for that reason got them both to learn to drive as soon as they turned 17. Even now though they have to go to their friends in town rather than friends coming here because the majority of the friends are in the nearest town. It’s only a few miles so not a massive deal but over the years there was a lot of moaning from them about not being able to walk to their friends. However we got a much bigger house and garden in the village than we would have in town. I personally wouldn’t go for the deep countryside with teenagers although would for myself!

[Hazysummers]

OP, I grew up rurally and wouldn’t change it for the world. I now live rurally again and also wouldn’t change it for the world.

The village I grew up in had a bus running to the nearest city (45 mins by bus, about 30 mins by car without the stopping through other villages!) every hour from 7am- 8pm. A village a 10 min drive away had a train station that also went to the nearest city and for nights out when we were older, parents would drive us to there and we’d get the train up and taxi back. My village also had a pub, post office and village hall. Pretty much every teenager in the village got mopeds when they were 16 and then cars when they were 17/18. Everyone drove or were taking driving lessons by the time they were 17. My parents really didn’t have to ferry us around that much as we did have the hourly bus and then once we’d passed our test we were able to just drive ourselves round.

The village was small (about 800 people in total) and in the middle of lovely countryside. We all had horses and it really was idyllic. We were rarely bored but I think that’s because we had hobbies that related to the countryside. We had horses and were in the local young farmer club, where every weekend there would be a rally or social .

Now, as an adult with no DC yet I live in a rural village with no buses and just a village pub. The next village has a train station that goes into the city though, and a taxi to the city is £20, so for nights out I either get the train up and taxi back or just get a taxi both ways (I probably only go on ‘nights out’ in the city once a month now, the rest of the time we socialise down our village pub- or did should I add before Corona )

I don’t think you’ll regret moving to the countryside at all, but I would try and find a small village with an hourly bus service, or at least a request a bus service (whole other thing ) if possible (might require a bit of research) And also a village with a village pub and post office. That way, you all have means of a social life and way to meet people.

I love country life and could never live in a town or city, however, even I couldn’t be out in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours etc. A small village with a village pub and post office is the way to go. I think going from London to literally the middle of nowhere, might be a bit too much of a culture shock and may create problems when your DC become teens (unless you’re happy to play taxi, some parents are to be fair)

[DontLookTwice]

Well, I'm looking for a village not too far from a town with all amenities, but need a good bus service as we only have one car, and if one of us is using it the other is stranded. Plus have an adult son who doesn't drive living with us. Somewhere with a great community, low crime and good hospitals. Plenty going on in terms of book club, independent shops /yoga classes and hopefully a cinema/theatre nearby. Train station nearby would also be a bonus. Answers on a postcard please!
I love the West country and some parts of Gloucestershire/Worcestershire. I would really love some recommendations. Near the sea would be ideal, but I know I'm asking for an awful lot.

[Emmapeeler1]

If you want a good bus service do not live in a village near a town, move to the town itself.

[Honeyroar]

I could tick all those boxes for you in villages around here, apart from being West Country or near the sea!

[Emmapeeler1]

The village I grew up in had a bus running to the nearest city (45 mins by bus, about 30 mins by car without the stopping through other villages!) every hour from 7am- 8pm.

Tory cuts since 2010 means this sort of great bus service is very unlikely now, especially in the evenings and at weekends. Rural routes in my county usually end at 4pm and do not run on Saturdays with commuter times if you are lucky. You need to factor in family members driving if moving rurally.

[DontLookTwice]

Emma

Yes, that's probably true. I just want to get away from traffic, noise, pollution etc. Great countryside is a must as well.

Honey Have PMd you!

[Emmapeeler1]

I can definitely relate to that DontLookTwice and following for interest

[AntiHop]

Could a comprise be funding somewhere walking distance from a train station, so your DC have some independence?

[Emmapeeler1]

Ps if you like Gloucestershire look at Dursley or Stroud. Also Frome or Warminster are on a trainline, or outskirts of Trowbridge depending on budget. Dorchester in Dorset also has a trainline and lots of surrounding villages.

West Hampshire also lovely and near sea. Look near Andover or Downton in Wilts, or Fordingbridge area on the Wilts border. Or New Forest is not far from Southampton.

[Honeyroar]

We’re in the Pennines, 12 miles NE of Manchester with regular buses to the next big towns and trams from there into Manchester. Very large, active villages close to other villages but still lots of community spirit and charm. Glorious open country all around. Weather can be harsh in winter though. Look up Saddleworth.

[Honeyroar]

Don’t think the photos liaded

[LuaDipa]

We moved to a village from the suburbs when we had dc1. Loved the community feel and village life (some of it anyway!). We have now moved to somewhere even more rural, but with easy access to the motorway for work and there are excellent rail links to the nearest city and town.

It will mean that the kids are quite reliant on us to transport them, even if they get the train, the station is on country roads so not ideal to walk, but they love it here too and their friends are all in the same boat. It was a wrench at first but I am so glad we moved from the city.

[StCharlotte]

I did it for a decade. Five years back in civilisation and my overriding memory is still MUD.

[DontLookTwice]

Some good ideas here. I know Stroud well and am considering it. I don't know Hampshire at all so that's a new one to look at, or the Pennines. Being able to walk to the train station would be ideal, it's finding all the other things to go with it!

[Honeyroar]

Winter can be harsh though, much more than the town!

[speakout]

If you want a good bus service do not live in a village near a town, move to the town itself.

Depends on the bus route.

I live in a hamlet near a town, but buses come past regularly as I am on a bus route from other areas.