To escape to the country?

[Manchmallehrerin]

DH and I are fantasising about leaving our outer London suburb and getting a nice house in the country...

We are both fed up with living in such a built up area and DH’s job has become WFH... (I can work anywhere..) we have both lived rurally before, but not for years and not with DCS. I would like a large garden, maybe a pony ( or 2) and a bigger house. Financially it would make sense.

However, are very lucky with amenities here... train to London on the doorstep, green space and opportunities for almost any activity the DCs might decide to do. Good health services, leisure centres/ theatres etc. A selection of good or outstanding secondary schools when the time comes. The DCs can cycle to school and will be able to visit friends etc independently later on. We are not dependent on a car if we dont’t want to drive.

but, it is busy, noisy and there is a lot of anti social behaviour and traffic congestion. We don’t have family here and not many local friends. DH is sensitive to noise and hates living in an attached house. We can’t afford detached around here.

Is it fair on the DCs to move them away from all the opportunities they will have here? Will I just spend 10 years as a taxi driver?

[DontLookTwice]

Oh wow I like. I am jealous!

[Manchmallehrerin]

Nice views! (South Wales?)

Thanks to all those posters who have shared their experiences as teenagers. My DCs are younger but will be there in a few years..
DH and I are content with a rural lifestyle. The area I am looking at is one where I used to live so I am pretty familiar with it. We don’t go out much and aren’t very cultural... For the poster who had concerns about the ponies comment - I have had horses before and promised myself never again unless I could keep them at home...

It’s the DCs opportunities that I worry about. Not about theatre visits etc.
But being able to pursue whatever interests them, being able to have independence - meet friends, get a part time job etc.

At the back of my mind there is also the memory of how some youngsters entertain themselves in rural areas. Driving recklessly on country roads, ketamine, sex and solvent abuse are some of the things that spring to mind ; not that there aren’t opportunities for that kind of thing here... just there are alternative options too...

[ShinyMe]

Where I lived, if you were into hillwalking or rock climbing or sheep-showing, or birdwatching say, it would have been perfect. But if you wanted to do drama or ice skating or shoe shopping or karate lessons or something, then tough.

[welshladywhois40]

You get a different quality of life outside of London. We moved as far as Surrey but I live in a detached house and often see deer in the woods next to my house - so you actually don't have to go far and people keep pony's in the village.

My son is only a toddler but I am not worrying about the schools.

We left a terrace in south London to find our bit of country

[CourtneyLurve]

Try renting for a year and see how it goes. Really good friends gushed about it at first, then came to regret it. You never know until you try it on.

[WanderingMilly]

Depends what you mean about country. If you mean in a village on the outskirts of the home counties, it isn't that different from town life. Not central London and with less pollution, but there are pubs, post offices, shops and schools...with a school 'bus. Children will be able to get to the nearest market town centre for libraries, gym, swimming...perhaps not clubbing.

However, if you mean the REAL country, that's a different matter. I took my family to live really rurally and I loved it. But you need the right attitude and to really love rural life. The children won't miss out but they will need to value different things. There will be no pubs, no town, no transport and their friends will be miles apart so you will be a constant taxi. You will get used to the cold, being snowed in during the winter, the electricity cutting off, low internet speeds and lots of mud.

The advantages are beautiful countryside, bigger house with more space, close knit communities. Children will be able to roam far and wide quite safely, they can learn to fell walk or ride bikes or climb mountains (depends where you are of course!) It's a chance to understand rural lifestyles, keep animals, grow your own veg...the list is endless. If it doesn't interest you at all, this isn't the life for you.

[Speminalium]

We did London, commuting town then lovely big house with few acres on edge of small village 2 miles from lovely market town. We moved for work but actually the schools are incredible here and the lifestyle is amazing...(we researched catchments etc vv carefully) After an intense morning homeschooling I've been taking the kids to let off steam on a quiet beach or on wild heaths with streams and ropeswings. Not ideal but when the baby gets up at 4am I take her for a walk along our beautiful river to watch the sun rise through the mist. Today we went for a sail on the river and came home for a swim in our pool. The local authority pays for buses for secondary kids who live 2+ miles from school so taxi driver days are limited. We love it here, life is slower and we do more as a whole family, and spend much more time outside. Its been good for us so far. The family is less frazzled somehow, life less manic. Even the teenagers seem a bit more, um, nice, chattier and friendlier than we're used to! That said, it's a hassle to pop to the shops, loads of power cuts and I miss having neighbours...

[Honeyroar]

You don’t have to be totally isolated in the countryside with nothing to do. We live in the Northwest, old farmhouse, open countryside views in every direction. Big village one mile away with COOP, post office, pharmacy, hairdressers, two pubs, an indian, an Italian and a Chinese. Next village is bigger with more shops and restaurants/bars, yet scenic stone villages. Regular buses to the nearest town, which has big supermarkets, B&Q etc. Town centre is pretty much dying, but there are trams every 12 minutes to Manchester until midnight. So you can get from complete Wuthering Heights type scenery to big city very easily.

[ILikeyourHairyHands]

It's the Peak District, very close to both Manchester and Sheffield, but satisfyingly rural.

I've lived up Welsh hillsides really in the middle of nowhere and in the far west of Ireland, and Manchester city centre and zone 1. They all have their charms, but I think here is a really good balance, especially when you have teens. They can be in Manchester in less than an hour but can also pursue their outdoor interests (Riding and sailing) very easily.

[hammeringinmyhead]

I grew up in a lovely green valley, in a group of villages, but there were buses every 10 minutes into Huddersfield where I went to 6th Form and got a part-time job. From there it's an easy train to Leeds, Manchester or Sheffield.

I now live in Wiltshire, not far from proper countryside, lakes, etc, but 5 minutes walk from a trainline that goes to Bath, Bristol and Cardiff, and London Paddington, Southampton, Portsmouth... I think you'd need some public transport for the kids or you would indeed become a taxi.

[ILikeyourHairyHands]

We actually just moved from a market town that I thought would be better for the children as they got a bit older. I thought it might be a good compromise but I think market towns are the worst of all worlds, not rural or urban enough. We all found it a bit, eh? The children love being in a city and love being in the country, market towns are neither one nor t'other really.

Although they obviously work for a lot of people!

[Honeyroar]

I agree. I’m very much a country girl, but I’d rather live in the city than a market town. I’ve done it twice and hated both. Not got the buzz of a city or the rural space of the country and I found it sooo boring.

[Bargainhuntbore]

Do you mean rural or country? There’s a big difference.

Im very rural and cope well. I have internet, electric, water and a gas tank. My kids are not on ketamine, nor are abusing solvents!

[Millicent10]

I grew up in a rural area and I would never inflict the same on a child, but this was proper rural (hour walk to bus stop, no other children within walking distance, drive to and from school). A rural area close to civilisation would be fine, I would have lived a bustling village or market town.

[Tumbleweed101]

Where ever you move to check the distance of secondary schools and how the children get to them. Mine dislike the bus journey which takes 40mins each way and if you don’t chose your closest school the bus pass can cost over £200 a term. There are no buses for them in the evenings here either which makes it harder for older teens before they can drive.

For younger children it’s been lovely living rurally but the needs of when they are teens should be taken into account if you are buying a home you hope to stay in.

[reefedsail]

@Ploppymoodypants

I’m raising children in the countryside. I don’t think they are missing out on any opportunities.
We regularly travel and take them to London or visit other large cities. They have a good school and we have a city within 40 minutes drive.
What opportunities are you worried the children will miss out on OP? How old are they?

When you live in London/ fringe you think your children need suzuki violin lessons to ensure they get into the best junior conservatoire, clubs available for every Olympic sport- all of which provide at least 3 athletes per year to the British team and schools where at least 30% of the 6th form reliably make it to Oxbridge. I know this, I've been there.

Takes a while when you leave to realise those ideas are illusory.

I 100% agree with PP about the edge of a market town. It will make a big difference to the kids later to be able to walk into town to meet friends and have access to the more frequent public transport from there. Lots of villages are on 2-3 busses a day. Market town life is great!

[speakout]

Some good advice here.

"THe country" is not one place, there are degrees.

I live in a semi-rural location. Crime rates are very low, people often leave doors and cars open. I am surrounded by ancient woodland and river, green countryside all around, farms and wild areas.15 minutes to unspoiled coastline, 20 minutes into the heart of the city ( hosting the worlds largest performing arts festival every year) I am 20 minutes to a large international airport, lots of employment opportunities - biotech, finance, the arts, IT. I am on the edge of a small town, with shops and banks, and a good bus service.
House prices are inexpensive, I bought a 5 bedroomed house with a garden for £215K.

I couldn't imagine a place I would rather choose to live.

[MarshaBradyo]

Will your dh’s work revert to office based?

I grew up rurally and now have dc in London. I do think opportunities for teens are good here in comparison.

Not to say you wouldn’t love it should you do it.

[BillywilliamV]

Last time I looked there were other towns that weren't London, why not try one of those?

[Newuser123123]

There is a happy medium, we live on outskirts of a town in Warwickshire, open fields 5 minutes walk away but lots of great amenities within 10 minutes drive, good transport links for teenagers, affordable housing compared to London.

[Breadandroses1]

I grew up very rurally and DP quite rurally and we are now committed Londoners (two hours to see a gig by a medium sized band or some theatre rural).

Primary school years were idyllic- beaches, outside, running wild with friends- but I found teenage years very hard- rubbish public transport, my mum was a lone parent with a FT job who didn't want to be a taxi service and I was interested in music, theatre etc (although still liked horses a lot!).

I wouldn't do it with teens unless you are genuinely committed to driving them everywhere and accessing a big city regularly if it has stuff they're interested in. Part of our problem was we were always skint as well which makes it harder.

I'd echo the poster above on dodgy rural entertainments too- loads of drugs, drink driving and sex- nothing else to do...also limited education options. Poor aspirations from schools too- it wasn't really expected you'd go on to HE for example.

[longsigh]

We lived in a small village when the children were growing up, great when they were little but when they wanted independence it was expensive and time consuming. Lots of driving them to friends houses 45 mins away, no buses so driving to them to part time jobs. We moved to the local county town 5 years ago and all loved it, near to shops etc good travel links. The country side is not very appealing for teenagers!

[Wither]

I remember the reckless driving. The boys I knew used to race round the country lanes, with their lights off. There’s a big drug problem in the town I lived near.

[Cuttinginfine]

No regrets in moving away from London BUT we looked at lots of rural countryside properties and ultimately decided our kids wouldn’t thank us for it and we would end up becoming a taxi service. So we compromised and moved to the edge of a seaside town. They have plenty to do and we are only five minutes away from miles and miles beautiful countryside where we tend to go for long walks most weekends. Lots of small holdings and sand schools where we are too (though we are not really into that) so there is definitely a happy middle ground to be had.

[ButtWormHole]

I live in a nice country village, and there’s a train station that goes to London. It takes about 90 minutes.

Love it here so much