To escape to the country?

[Manchmallehrerin]

DH and I are fantasising about leaving our outer London suburb and getting a nice house in the country...

We are both fed up with living in such a built up area and DH’s job has become WFH... (I can work anywhere..) we have both lived rurally before, but not for years and not with DCS. I would like a large garden, maybe a pony ( or 2) and a bigger house. Financially it would make sense.

However, are very lucky with amenities here... train to London on the doorstep, green space and opportunities for almost any activity the DCs might decide to do. Good health services, leisure centres/ theatres etc. A selection of good or outstanding secondary schools when the time comes. The DCs can cycle to school and will be able to visit friends etc independently later on. We are not dependent on a car if we dont’t want to drive.

but, it is busy, noisy and there is a lot of anti social behaviour and traffic congestion. We don’t have family here and not many local friends. DH is sensitive to noise and hates living in an attached house. We can’t afford detached around here.

Is it fair on the DCs to move them away from all the opportunities they will have here? Will I just spend 10 years as a taxi driver?

[Leodot]

As I said earlier, I grew up in London and my friends and I were involved in the things you mention -sex, drink, drugs (not me for that one but plenty of my friends). No solvent abuse or drink driving though.

I think there’s a risk of that behaviour all over the country to be completely honest. I don’t think the likelihood of them becoming involved in it would rise just because you live in the country but perhaps I’m wrong.

[SerendipitySunshine]

We used to live in north wales and loved it. Seaside nearby, loads of outdoor activities and chester/liverpool/manchester nearby. I miss it.

[IHeartKingThistle]

I grew up rurally. Yes, you will be a taxi driver. I definitely missed out on my own independence as a teenager. Lovely as a small child but difficult when you're older.

As an adult I have lived in London and missed the community so now we live on the edge of a market town and it's been great. The kids can go off and do things and meet friends and we have cities and countryside close if we want them. People have ponies here too!

[IHeartKingThistle]

@Leodot absolutely! There was nothing to do in my village so LOADS of drinking and drugs and a fair amount of violence too.

[Breadandroses1]

@Leodot oh sure, but people often move to the country because they think they'll get away from that- and you don't. It happens in both places.

[madametomato]

Moved just before lockdown to outskirts of a small village. Commutable to London, half an hour from the beach. Bus stop at end of road- and when the kids go back to school it will take 15 mins to get to school in the nearby lovely town. In London it took 1.5 hours across London to secondary school. When the eldest got bullied, (and as he has some SEN and anxiety) I was driving him. I spent three hours a day in the car sometimes. It was really really hard work.

Now we are here I am so SO glad. What we have house wise is astonishing in comparison to our zone 2 house in London. Lockdown move has been quite mind blowing and the village pub isn’t open yet, but we’ve met all the neighbours.

Research is key. Also knowing what you want is. Silence and clear night skies and less impulse to order Deliveroo and get taxis. Politics and the ratio of commuters to those working locally is worth knowing. We have a good mix - so cosmopolitan in some ways and it’s not a dormitory town for London either.

[NiceTwin]

We went rural 5 years ago, with a 13 and 9 year old. Neighbours are half a mile way.
We are 20 mins away from half decent high street shopping and 45 minutes from a fantastic city.
They love it, as do my dh and I.

I am teetotal, so am the taxi service for them. It was the one promise we made to ourselves when we moved, that we would facilitate their social life by way of being a taxi.

I know it's not for everybody but we have no regrets.

[user1471548941]

Would agree to make the jump out of London but not necessarily rural. I live on the edge of a market town on the South East/South West border.

Today I will go on a long run in the New Forest, where I will be out in open countryside within 10 minutes of leaving home.

However yesterday we walked into town in 15
mins to do a bit of shopping and get a (sadly takeaway) coffee from our favourite haunt. There are several schools, gyms, sailing clubs and community centres within walking/cycling distance which would be perfect for teens.

Beach is a 20 minute drives, buses available to get to nearest small city and seaside town.
There is a National Express stop in my town going direct to London and also Heathrow/Gatwick routes.

However, I prefer to drive to Winchester (30 mins) and get the 50 min fast train to London. Still can be in a meeting in London in under 2 hours and we regularly go for nights out in the theatre/ gigs. Also Southampton is close enough for an amazing theatre and great shopping.

It’s convenient but really I live here for the wide open spaces. Driving to visit friends/family is always across beautiful countryside, we can go for beach walks on weekday evenings when the tourists are gone and I spend hours of my weekend walking/cycling in the country side. Definitely worth the house prices.

[user1471548941]

Oh and LOTS of equestrian properties here. As in, most houses not in the centre of town seem to have stables!

[Leodot]

@IHeartKingThistle
@Breadandroses1

Yeah exactly. You had nothing to do in a village so got involved with drink etc . I had everything to do in London and got involved with drink etc. It’s all over the country.

I agree about people thinking that they won’t find these things in the country. What interested me, was the OP thought it would be more likely to happen in the country because there are less opportunities to occupy yourself. I spent my days in museums and galleries and then my nights drunk in a nightclub with a fake ID or at a house party. It’s everywhere 😂.

[Carabu1]

So much good advice here about the different types of rural life! If you’re coming from London, I suspect even quite a’towny’ village would appeal, as opposed to proper country where the transport and shops etc are non existent. Certainly in the SE there isn’t much by way of proper countryside left, so a nice Surrey village may be just the ticket (if pricey, I imagine!)

[tara66]

Children over 12 generally do not want to live in the country. They want to be where the "action" is and that is not the country.

[RunningNinja79]

About 8 and half years ago I made a similar thread to this. We lived in a council estate on the edge of a small city. So there was lots of amenities, great transport links etc. I got lots of positive comments about living in the country, first one being you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

3 months later we moved to the North Yorkshire countryside. Best decision we ever made. Yes sometimes I get a bit down about having to rely on a car. Takeaway means having to drive out for it ourselves. Can't walk to work anymore (well I can right now as I work in the dining room, but the office is too far away now) which I do really miss at times.

All this is made up by the country life though. When I'm out on my long sunday run I can't think of anything better. When we first moved the school in my village had 25 children in the whole school spread over 2 classes (yrs Reception to yr 2 in one and yrs 3-6 in the other). This has changed as the schools have now merged, but its still a small rural primary school.

We don't live too far away from civilisation though so its not as rural as it can be. Really dont think we'll even think about moving now.

[Honeyroar]

But Carabu many of us on this thread in proper country have described perfectly good transport links and shops!!

These are our views, but we are 12 miles from Manchester centre with two large twins and several large, busy villages in between. Leeds is only 20 miles away in the other direction. We have trains between Manchester and Leeds stop every hour and the stop is 2 miles away. There are plenty of buses and trams on top of this. Apart from the mile walk to the village it’s incredibly well connected and not isolated.

[Serin]

It's not only London that has facilities OP.
We are semi rural and have access to pretty much every activity you can think of.
We have a rowing club within 2 miles, for £20 a year, rugby (2 clubs in 2 miles), brass band (50p) per week, sailing (£12 per year), riding (expensive but it is expensive everywhere) ice skating/hockey. As well as army, sea and air cadets.
We have a mainline station that gets you to London in 2 hours and DD and her friends often did this from age 15 for day trips.
Or you can be in liverpool/Manc within 40mins.
We have low crime, a skate park in the town centre, takeaways, cinema etc.
The arts scene is not amazing but overall
I would say edge of a small town would meet your needs.

[QueenietheCutie]

My parents moved our family from London to a small, rural Dorset village when my brother and I were young and they never looked back.
I went back to London area for Uni but ultimately am settled back in Dorset, parents and brother still local too.
There are local train links to London and elsewhere should we need them.
Our village is a thriving one near a market town. Pace of life is deliciously slower but by no means stagnant or backward.
There are good job opportunities in easy reaching distance, excellent schools, beautiful countryside and coast on our doorsteps.
If you feel the urge to move then try it, it certainly worked for my family.

[Carabu1]

@Honeyroar - that does look beautiful! Lucky you! Maybe I’m just scarred from being a teen in the depths of Wales, where there is literally no transport at all. I guess 12 miles from a huge city isn’t what I think of when I think of properly rural - which is why I’m saying there is huge variation in what that means! It depends on where you’re from I think and your perspective. If you grew up on the Hebrides then even Wales probably seems metropolitan but comparison!

[notheragain4]

@Carabu1 as another Welsh country teen survivor I agree! I now live in a part of England that calls itself rural, makes me laugh what is classed as rural here vs where I actually grew up. Proper rural living really isn't great for most teenagers.

[Honeyroar]

It’s funny, now I’m getting older and this area is getting more and more popular because it’s got such good access to city life too, I’m actually thinking of moving somewhere more isolated, like mid Wales! But our children have left home now. Just staying here while our parents are elderly now!

[HelloMissus]

We did it for a bit when the kids were small.
It definitely had advantages - wise open spaces all around us, big house etc
But it was also astonishingly mono cultural which bothered me a lot.
Also I had to drive everywhere.

When the kids were older we spent part of our week back in London and by the time the kids were teens they wanted to go to school there.

[KittyKattyKate]

I think it is important to realise that if you move and end up hating it, you would have priced yourself out of London.

We have three lots of friends who moved to Dorset or Devon and found the rural idyll wasn’t what they thought it would be. Now they want to return to London they can’t afford a decent place.

[DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy]

We moved from the city ten years ago - to a small seaside town that's surrounded by countryside. Decent public transport, train station that's also on a main line, so we are quiet but don't feel isolated. There's a strong sense of community, low crime rate and a lot of freedom for kids age 8 upwards. Plus amazing beaches. It feels like a good compromise for us, but you'd have to pick carefully. Our small town is quite arty and welcoming to incomers - not all of them are.

[Dowser]

Love this thread.
I’ve Been to so many of the beautiful places you’ve all mentioned.
In fact apart from Ireland And the northern tip of Scotland there’s Not many areas I haven’t been too.
I love my country so much. It’s stunning.
It would’ve bored the pants off me as a teenager. I grew up in a semi industrial north east town that I’ve made my peace with and has actually served us well with it’s magnificent beaches and countryside a stones throw away during These last couple of months.
I hated it when younger and was lured to the big city.
I love spending time in our caravan near a quaint N Yorks market town half the week and the rest catching up with jobs and family at home.
In fact these three months is the longest I’ve spent at home in 12 years.
I’d definitely look at renting for a year in case it doesn’t work out. Unhappy children can definitely put a strain on family life.
If they’re not on board I’d be inclined to wait until they’ve left.

[Emmapeeler1]

It seems a bit extreme! Try the West country. I grew up in a small town next to countryside and had all the things you want, garden, horse riding, cycling, outstanding schools, plus regular bus routes, a train station and two great cities 7 miles either side to enjoy being a teenager in.

[Ijustwantedafringe36]

I don't see why not. Go for it!