To ask how you cope with no/minimal sleep?

[Wine4Breakfast]

Not a mum, trying with DH later this year for our 1st DC!

Before hopefully falling pregnant I would like a good, honest idea of motherhood and a lot of aspects such as never getting time alone, poop explosions and financial impact do not bother me!

I do get scared about lack of sleep - not enough to put me off wanting to be a mother! However, when I don’t get enough sleep usually I really suffer I don’t know if it is because I think about it more but there’s been times I’ve vomited and nearly passed out due to tiredness when I’ve had 1-4 hours for the full night.

I wanted to know if it just becomes the new norm? Do you really just get used to it and are able to carry on?

I fear that the lack of sleep will hit me like a ton of bricks (like it does if I experience it now!) and then I can’t possibly be a good mother if I react to minimal sleep like that?

Reassurance and/or honesty is appreciated !

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I am crap on no sleep. Really crap.

I had my first dc who would be up the entire night because she had a heart defect (and unbeknownst to me also tongue tie) and in between feeding and trying to burp her, it would be the whole night.

Really crappy exh who told me he’d be sued for negligence at work if he gave me even an hours sleep to the detriment of his own. Later, refused to help at all with either child (we had another which I clearly don’t regret now he’s here but would be slated on here for) unless I put them to sleep on their fronts to sleep against all guidelines, because “they sleep better”.

I’m still alive! I think I’ve been a pretty good mother to both of them. They are 11 and 6 now, so those days are over. They were really hard but you do survive even in the worst circumstances and you can be a good mum despite feeling horribly tired.

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I also think “just sleep when the baby sleeps” can be quite cruel advice. Not everyone is able to sleep in the day (I could by the time I got to dc2 but not at first with dc1), not everyone feels like it once they are awake, people like to sleep at night and all in one go, nap time can be the only time to get anything done and many people need some time when they are awake and alone to get by. It always seems like a cop out to give no sympathy or to say “oh well Dad should be excused night wakings as he goes to work”.

As I say, I managed to nap with dc2 when dc1 was at school , but it can be a hard thing to manage after many years of first school and then adult life!

[Tomatochopped]

Oh wah! My kids were TERRIBLE!! Only just at the end and starting to get regular sleep, which I can't sleep properly because it's been 9 years of disturbed sleep, I don't feel right if I'm not living in a permanent state of tiredness. I find it difficult to relax because I've anticipated screams and disturbances for so long. Sure it's why I've developed an irregular heartbeat! I wake at the slightest sound, I'm sure it'll get easier if I don't die first.

[SuperMumTum]

I felt like you did. I always hot my 8 hours, never had a bad nights sleep until I had kids. My eldest didn't sleep through even once until she was 4 and she was often awake for hours and hours in the night even then. Now she's nearly 9 she sleeps past 6am usually. My youngest was much better (couldn't possibly have been worse) but he stil often gets in my bed in the night at 5. My ex partner was useless and my constant irritation at him not helping and my overall sleep deprivation was probably a big factor in us splitting up.

[BertieBotts]

DH and I have a policy of unlimited naps! We don't take the piss, but also, if I want a nap in the middle of the afternoon, I know I can have one and he isn't going to moan about it.

Also generally splitting duties so you're not trying to do the job of 2 people on no sleep.

Co-sleeping gets me more sleep, I find it soul destroying to keep trying to lower them into the cot and they keep waking up. They want to be next to you, you want to know that they're breathing, they can easily access your boob, you can feed in your sleep. Everyone wins. Unless you smoke or take medication that makes you drowsy I highly recommend it.

Lastly having a labour that spanned about 3 days during which I couldn't sleep in bursts of longer than 10 minutes meant that the couple of hour stints I was getting felt amazing. Nothing like perspective!

[Tunnocks34]

Honestly you just do, I don’t know how, but your body adjusts to it and you just get on with it!

[BertieBotts]

If DS slept for 40 minutes or so I could ring my mum, have a cup of tea, do a bit of washing up while looking out of the window

Could you not do at least the first two while the baby is awake, feeding, or sleeping on you though? I could sometimes even do the third if I put the baby in a bouncy chair, but I appreciate not all babies tolerate being put down. But things like phone calls and tea drinking I always found totally compatible with baby holding. Do I have weird babies?

I would generally nap while they are sleeping. I still do sometimes and DS2 is nearly 22 months old - he's going through an extremely active phase at night.

[IceBearRocks]

Your body just gets used to it ! We have two autistic DC who just dont need much sleep and wake from about 2:30 am ......

[mindutopia]

To a certain extent you adjust to having less sleep, but unless you are a single parent, there really should be no reason you are struggling on almost no sleep. Dh and I had two babies (one particularly high needs). I'd had them to him at 7/8pm after a feed, sleep, he'd wake me at 10pm ish, then I'd hand them back, sleep til 1am, and then I'd take over with them for the rest of the night, and then he'd wake at 6am and given me another hour or two of sleep before he left for work. He would spend sometimes 2-3 hours walking in circles around the lounge or the garden to keep them happy while I slept. We each managed 5-6 hours a night and on weekends, I'd sleep a good chunk of the afternoon the first couple months. That's how you do it it, with not all of it falling on you, while the other gets a lie in. Beyond that, you just go to bed early because you know even though it's Saturday, you'll be up at 6am.

[bez91]

You just learn to live on little sleep, if I don't get uninterrupted sleep I generally have a shitter day.

DD is 2.5 and she either will take 2 hours to go to sleep, be up twice in the night or wake at 5am (usually a combination of all) Can't wait until she's a teenager.

[2beautifulbabs]

I was and am lucky my DH shared a lot of the sleepless nights with me.
We would take it in turns so he would either sit up for the first couple of hours and then I'd swap early hours with him so he could get a few hours sleep.

I am a bitch when I've had crap nights sleep I can usually survive one bad night but if it rolls onto more than one night I'm in a foul mood so DH always stepped in and took over.

Also you do tend to just do it when they are little and you live on the sugar rushes to get you through the worse of it.