To ask how you cope with no/minimal sleep?

[Wine4Breakfast]

Not a mum, trying with DH later this year for our 1st DC!

Before hopefully falling pregnant I would like a good, honest idea of motherhood and a lot of aspects such as never getting time alone, poop explosions and financial impact do not bother me!

I do get scared about lack of sleep - not enough to put me off wanting to be a mother! However, when I don’t get enough sleep usually I really suffer I don’t know if it is because I think about it more but there’s been times I’ve vomited and nearly passed out due to tiredness when I’ve had 1-4 hours for the full night.

I wanted to know if it just becomes the new norm? Do you really just get used to it and are able to carry on?

I fear that the lack of sleep will hit me like a ton of bricks (like it does if I experience it now!) and then I can’t possibly be a good mother if I react to minimal sleep like that?

Reassurance and/or honesty is appreciated !

[Rosebel]

I was lucky as my first was a text book baby. Only woke every 4 hours and napped in the day. Can't say the same about my second who didn't nap and her most awake time was about 2am. We shared those night shifts and let whoever was on night shift lie in the next day.
Now I'm due my 3rd in a couple of days and am dreading the lack of sleep but will get through it. In the end just when you think you're too tired to carry on they look at you, give you a smile and somehow you're not so tired after that.

[hammeringinmyhead]

@SarahAndQuack

Oh yeah also just go to bed early

Yes, but be ready for this advice not to work. The bottom line is if your child is still awake, they may not let you do this.

Yes! Our problems have ranged from sleeping 8-2 then being up for 3 hours, to refusing the cot completely, but the hardest stage was when it took 2 to 3 hours from 8pm to settle him to sleep in the first place.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Your body does just change. Hormones play a part, especially if you bf. For me it feels like non essential functions get deprioritised to enable a basic level of operation.

[Mama05]

My son is 6 months old now and still wakes 2-3 times a night at best

At first it’s HARD or it was for me. Depending on your preferred method of feeding, I breastfed for the first 6 weeks, I was running off about 2 hours sleep a night for a few weeks. I couldn’t get my son to settle in his Moses basket and the only way I could get some sleep was having him lay on my chest. Not safe, but I made it as safe as I could and it was literally the only way he would stay asleep for more than 10 mins.

I’d say from newborn to when I started getting him in a routine about 3 months old maybe a little bit before, I started with a 6pm bedtime so I got a bit of me time and usually ended up in bed myself until the next feed between 2 and 6 hours later.

I’d say you just get use to the lack of sleep and the broken sleep. And learn to function on less but don’t burn yourself out by trying to be super mum and super house wife. Leave the washing up and the ironing, get a take away for tea or batch cook prior to birth and freeze. I burnt myself out and I had an awful partner who claimed I was just sat on my arse all day (until I kicked him to the kerb ) and now I do what I feel like doing and I’m a lot kinder to myself. As long as my son is fed and happy, I’m happy. I do try and make sure he is dressed every day though but today we didn’t get dressed until later which is okay too!

But yes, can’t stress enough to be kind to yourself. You’ll have days you feel like your failing because you’ve not managed to get your little one dressed or yourself or had a bloody shower but it’s part and parcel of your new life and new routine so don’t sweat it!

Best of the luck for the future!

[SarahAndQuack]

Solidarity @hammering.

OP, it's perfectly possible your baby will be angelic, and you will just have three-four months of disturbed sleep before finding that your greatest inconvenience is perhaps having to get up at 4 or 5am, or having to get up once in the night to cope with a baby.

But I wish someone had asked me and DP to think about what strategies we'd develop if we had a difficult sleeper. So, I think you need to decide on those.

[ChloeCC]

You might be lucky. With my first I had such bad sleep deprivation that I couldn't speak sometimes. I literally could not form words. I didn't feel safe in charge of my baby. It was singularly the worst thing I have ever been through.

My second slept (and still sleeps at six months) from day one. There is a huge element of luck at play. You're right not to underestimate the impact a lack of sleep can have. It's a killer.

[User0ne]

With Ds1 I found that I could get 8 hours sleep a night but I needed to be in bed for 12 hours to get it. It he had bad night I would nap with him during the day.

With DS2 (born when ds1 was 16mo) it was harder as they didn't sleep at the same time during the day. I ended up sleeping sitting up in bed a lot as Ds2 was refluxy and needed holding upright after feeds

[grey12]

It's usually more like fragmented sleep than little sleep.

It's good to have support though. So you can ask your SO to look after the child/children while you have a rest. Never underestimate that! The suport and the rest.

With DD1 I would just put her on my chest and we would nap together in the afternoon (sooo nice :)). With more than one child...... that's not so easily done

[YorkshirePud1]

It's gone 4am and I've been up with my 4 week old since 1.45am. Before that she was awake until midnight. She doesn't like being put in her crib and prefers sleeping on me so it's hard work. I was worried about the sleep deprivation too and it's not easy, but also not as bad as I was expecting. You just manage because you have to.
I keep getting advised to slee when she does during the day - not sure how anyone manages that though to be honest as it's the only chance I get to do anything!!

[TomPettysTopHat]

It is tough, but you do get used to it over time. Mine are older now (youngest will be 9 in a few weeks) and I find I now don't need as much sleep as I did pre-babies. I couldn't for the life of me stay in bed later than about 8.30 am! Whereas I regularly used to stay in bed till 11 at weekends.

You will adapt. Some periods are harder than others (newborn/when they are ill) but you'll be ok. For what it's worth I had two good sleepers and one fussy/patchy sleeper.

[hammeringinmyhead]

I keep getting advised to slee when she does during the day - not sure how anyone manages that though to be honest as it's the only chance I get to do anything!!

I felt like this too. If DS slept for 40 minutes or so I could ring my mum, have a cup of tea, do a bit of washing up while looking out of the window... just normal pottering. If you spend every minute of your awake time on baby duty it gets frustrating.

[RedPanda2]

No children but I do have chronic insomnia. I just muddle through, and try my best. You get used to it and if you do get a good nights sleep it makes you remember how crap you feel all the time! Sorry not very positive

[Goostacean]

Well for a start off, like a pp I had pregnancy insomnia so I actually found it easier to get to sleep after baby arrived! It’s also easier if you’re on maternity leave, especially with your firstborn, because it’s unlikely there’s much that needs doing. Acquiring food, the basics of housework? That’s it. Whereas when you’re pregnant it’s hard to do all of “real life” plus growing the baby, and I didn’t find that anyone cuts you much slack. And then if you have older children, they need dealing with even when baby is asleep.

Also- don’t be afraid to ask for help. From family or friends for a full night off if you can, or try sleep training at an appropriate age. We started at 5.5mo as I was fed up of 2-4 night wakings, and 3.5 weeks later he’s just done his first 12h sleep through. Minimal crying, still breastfeeding on demand, but we’re all happier well-rested. (I appreciate that it doesn’t work like that for everyone!)

[kemosabeimalone]

I’m a mum of two, with number 3 due in a matter of weeks. The first is a bit of a shock mainly as you have to adapt to trying to get sleep when you can and you are probably used to sleeping in a stretch. After a while you get better at catching quick cat naps but you never sleep as deeply again. I’ve experienced both a terrible sleeper and a good sleeper baby. What I’d say I’d be kind to yourself and do what you need to get through. If Co-sleeping enables you to get more sleep do-it. If you move your bedtime to earlier in the evening and that lets you get a bit more sleep do that too. Things that can pep you up on the bad days include having a shower, eating chocolate and getting outside for a walk. Also, as everyone says In early days, focus on only the essential stuff at home. As long as everyone gets fed and is relatively clean now and then you are doing great!

[Thefab3]

I have three dcs and absolutely love being a parent, like can honestly say everyday I count my lucky stars for them.
The sleep deprivation for me however was a total nightmare and is still something almost nine years into being a parent I struggle and think at 35 now I look way older from it. I think I was naive about the sleep thing but also what people don’t say or didn’t say to me anyway is that it doesn’t always magically get better after 6 weeks, 6 months , 2/3 years.
My first was in retrospect an ok sleeper (and in fairness was my first so much easier to rest and nap) , it took him a good year to sleep all night but he’d wake at 5am most of the time which was fine as long as he slept all night. We had a solid routine, did gentle sleep training etc etc.
My second child slept like a newborn for.4.years...
We tried everything and consistently; checked for allergies, solid routine , put to bed later , earlier, longer naps , shorter naps, more food, exercise , oesteopath (spl?), co sleeping , cot, hammock; it could have been reflux but we weren’t sure and we tried some over the counter reflux medication.
By not sleeping I mean he woke every 45 mins /every hour for years then magically turned four and since then sleeps around 14 hours a night.
Our third wasn’t as bad but still took to three without numerous wakes and still at three wakes sometimes once a night but all now are great.All were breastfed.
Pre kids I could sleep easily 9/10 hours a night , I loved sleeping so much. I need at least 7 hours to feel ok but it’s not really enough. I can’t really describe the effect it’s had on me , I still don’t sleep properly now as I’ve developed insomnia as a result and also my dh was brilliant and pulled his weight but even if he got up I would wake, I almost feel now that I never fall into a deep sleep. Recently I had a sleep I would compare to the old days like I actually slept through without waking which is so rare and I felt incredible the next day.
I’m not saying this to be all doom and gloom, my kids are fantastic and actually very well behaved , easy kids tbh. I’m saying it cause most people said to me “oh the sleep deprivation is awful but only for a few months, oh they sleep way better after 6 months , a year etc...it just isn’t the case for everyone. I had no idea children could wake constantly for years and all kids are different, all of ours were brought up exactly the same but totally different sleep patterns. Best of luck with it all though op!

[WhiteCat1704]

Very similar experience to 58Thefab3 except it was my first an only child. He is 4 now and FINALLY has started to sleep through...4 YEARS!!! First 3 were a nightmare, up to 6 awakings every night.
I will not have more children as could not survive it again. As much as I love him it has been awful.

[Thefab3]

Yup up to 6 wakes or more for years... I also think for me it was sometimes the insinuation that I was doing something wrong “ oh he’s a clever one”, “ you need to be stricter” etc etc. It was absolutely nothing we did or didn’t do and I know this as we have more than one and totally different experiences! Also my family would never help out practically even when my eyes were falling out of my head with exhaustion. So I did find it all very hard and I became obsessed with sleep.
I’m now going through training my body to sleep again and intend to enjoy lovely, long sleeps how my family is complete! It’s going to be my hobby again!

[sweetkitty]

Mum of four and I love my sleep. I also suffer from chronic migraines and lack of sleep is a major trigger. What got me through the newborn days was cosleeping and breastfeeding on demand. My babies didn’t even fully wake up, they’d start to snuggle about, they latch on have a feed and we’d both be back asleep in minutes. Now I know that’s not for everyone and that’s fine but for me it worked. All four went into their own beds and rooms at between 18 months and two fine (they weren’t still sleeping with me at age 10).

Having children was the best thing I have ever done, yes DH and I never got a minute (we have no family to help) but it’s been worth it.

[CHIRIBAYA]

The lack of sleep is the thing I remember the most about babies and you are very sensible to put feelers out on this issue. The problem is that you can't predict what you are going to get! Both mine were regular night wakers up until the age of three when they both settled; I went about 15 months before I had a run of unbroken nights with my daughter. I don't think there is a word for how awful I felt, I really need my sleep! You might get lucky with one that sleeps through the night very quickly. However, it's important to remember that whatever happens you will get through it and nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. Now, when I luxuriate in my bed at night or when I am having one of my regular lie-ins, it feels exceptionally sweet having experienced that sleep deprivation. I think I would be taking it all for granted otherwise!

[madcatladyforever]

It's easier the younger you are, I was 21and not that bothered about not sleeping as I could snooze in the day and had lots of energy.

If I don't get any sleep now at 58 I awake like the kraken and no amount of sleep during the day makes up for it.

My sister had two bad sleepers in her 40's and how she suffered.

Don't expect to be entertained by your baby, they are as boring as hell during the preschool years.

Children are are like unrefined crystals, if you don't shape and polish them properly at the right age they will be rough and ready and never very lovely but if you do they will shine and delight for the rest of their lives.

[2007Millie]

First few months were hell, I remember falling asleep lots with baby in my arms.

As time has gone on, you really just adapt and now I can survive easily on 3-5 hours broken sleep a night

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

Honestly the lack of sleep was utterly shit. And you do wonder how you are getting through it. But you do, even if you fall asleep at all hours during the day, are unwashed, hungry and as grumpy as hell.

Sometimes I felt I could just park the pram, sit down in the street and fall asleep right there and I wouldn't care. I did fall asleep in the park a few times.

But you don't really have any choice, you just have to keep going. And you do, and then one day you finally realise it's not as bad as it once was, and every week it gets a little easier.

[sandpiper555]

Truly, you get used to it. I'm awful on a lack of sleep but you do manage. Overwhelming love and caffeine get you through the hectic nights. I'm lucky that my son slept through the night from 11 weeks.

[BombyliusMajor]

If you have a non-sleeping child, the sleep deprivation can get really quite bad. There is no way to prepare, but you will get through it because you have to. You may also luck out and get one of the sleeping ones.

Mine woke up with night terrors every 2-3 hours until he was nearly 3 years old. My immune system was shot to shit through lack of sleep and I got pneumonia 3 times in the first year. He sleeps through now, but never longer than 8 hours, and hasn’t napped since I can remember. If I’m honest I feel a bit traumatised by it! I decided to work part time and put him in nursery full time so I could get a bit of rest. It was expensive, but I think it’s the only l way I could have survived on so little sleep. There were times I thought I was going to collapse. For ages I felt guilty & inadequate that I couldn’t ‘teach’ him to sleep - but gave up holding myself responsible when over £2k worth of work with sleep consultants got us nowhere. His cousins are shit sleepers too - I think it just runs in the family.

Most parents I know have had a much easier time, though.

[2007Millie]

But you don't really have any choice, you just have to keep going. And you do, and then one day you finally realise it's not as bad as it once was, and every week it gets a little easier.

this.