To ask how you cope with no/minimal sleep?

[Wine4Breakfast]

Not a mum, trying with DH later this year for our 1st DC!

Before hopefully falling pregnant I would like a good, honest idea of motherhood and a lot of aspects such as never getting time alone, poop explosions and financial impact do not bother me!

I do get scared about lack of sleep - not enough to put me off wanting to be a mother! However, when I don’t get enough sleep usually I really suffer I don’t know if it is because I think about it more but there’s been times I’ve vomited and nearly passed out due to tiredness when I’ve had 1-4 hours for the full night.

I wanted to know if it just becomes the new norm? Do you really just get used to it and are able to carry on?

I fear that the lack of sleep will hit me like a ton of bricks (like it does if I experience it now!) and then I can’t possibly be a good mother if I react to minimal sleep like that?

Reassurance and/or honesty is appreciated !

[2beautifulbabs]

I was and am lucky my DH shared a lot of the sleepless nights with me.
We would take it in turns so he would either sit up for the first couple of hours and then I'd swap early hours with him so he could get a few hours sleep.

I am a bitch when I've had crap nights sleep I can usually survive one bad night but if it rolls onto more than one night I'm in a foul mood so DH always stepped in and took over.

Also you do tend to just do it when they are little and you live on the sugar rushes to get you through the worse of it.

[bez91]

You just learn to live on little sleep, if I don't get uninterrupted sleep I generally have a shitter day.

DD is 2.5 and she either will take 2 hours to go to sleep, be up twice in the night or wake at 5am (usually a combination of all) Can't wait until she's a teenager.

[mindutopia]

To a certain extent you adjust to having less sleep, but unless you are a single parent, there really should be no reason you are struggling on almost no sleep. Dh and I had two babies (one particularly high needs). I'd had them to him at 7/8pm after a feed, sleep, he'd wake me at 10pm ish, then I'd hand them back, sleep til 1am, and then I'd take over with them for the rest of the night, and then he'd wake at 6am and given me another hour or two of sleep before he left for work. He would spend sometimes 2-3 hours walking in circles around the lounge or the garden to keep them happy while I slept. We each managed 5-6 hours a night and on weekends, I'd sleep a good chunk of the afternoon the first couple months. That's how you do it it, with not all of it falling on you, while the other gets a lie in. Beyond that, you just go to bed early because you know even though it's Saturday, you'll be up at 6am.

[IceBearRocks]

Your body just gets used to it ! We have two autistic DC who just dont need much sleep and wake from about 2:30 am ......

[BertieBotts]

If DS slept for 40 minutes or so I could ring my mum, have a cup of tea, do a bit of washing up while looking out of the window

Could you not do at least the first two while the baby is awake, feeding, or sleeping on you though? I could sometimes even do the third if I put the baby in a bouncy chair, but I appreciate not all babies tolerate being put down. But things like phone calls and tea drinking I always found totally compatible with baby holding. Do I have weird babies?

I would generally nap while they are sleeping. I still do sometimes and DS2 is nearly 22 months old - he's going through an extremely active phase at night.

[Tunnocks34]

Honestly you just do, I don’t know how, but your body adjusts to it and you just get on with it!

[BertieBotts]

DH and I have a policy of unlimited naps! We don't take the piss, but also, if I want a nap in the middle of the afternoon, I know I can have one and he isn't going to moan about it.

Also generally splitting duties so you're not trying to do the job of 2 people on no sleep.

Co-sleeping gets me more sleep, I find it soul destroying to keep trying to lower them into the cot and they keep waking up. They want to be next to you, you want to know that they're breathing, they can easily access your boob, you can feed in your sleep. Everyone wins. Unless you smoke or take medication that makes you drowsy I highly recommend it.

Lastly having a labour that spanned about 3 days during which I couldn't sleep in bursts of longer than 10 minutes meant that the couple of hour stints I was getting felt amazing. Nothing like perspective!

[SuperMumTum]

I felt like you did. I always hot my 8 hours, never had a bad nights sleep until I had kids. My eldest didn't sleep through even once until she was 4 and she was often awake for hours and hours in the night even then. Now she's nearly 9 she sleeps past 6am usually. My youngest was much better (couldn't possibly have been worse) but he stil often gets in my bed in the night at 5. My ex partner was useless and my constant irritation at him not helping and my overall sleep deprivation was probably a big factor in us splitting up.

[Tomatochopped]

Oh wah! My kids were TERRIBLE!! Only just at the end and starting to get regular sleep, which I can't sleep properly because it's been 9 years of disturbed sleep, I don't feel right if I'm not living in a permanent state of tiredness. I find it difficult to relax because I've anticipated screams and disturbances for so long. Sure it's why I've developed an irregular heartbeat! I wake at the slightest sound, I'm sure it'll get easier if I don't die first.

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I also think “just sleep when the baby sleeps” can be quite cruel advice. Not everyone is able to sleep in the day (I could by the time I got to dc2 but not at first with dc1), not everyone feels like it once they are awake, people like to sleep at night and all in one go, nap time can be the only time to get anything done and many people need some time when they are awake and alone to get by. It always seems like a cop out to give no sympathy or to say “oh well Dad should be excused night wakings as he goes to work”.

As I say, I managed to nap with dc2 when dc1 was at school , but it can be a hard thing to manage after many years of first school and then adult life!

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I am crap on no sleep. Really crap.

I had my first dc who would be up the entire night because she had a heart defect (and unbeknownst to me also tongue tie) and in between feeding and trying to burp her, it would be the whole night.

Really crappy exh who told me he’d be sued for negligence at work if he gave me even an hours sleep to the detriment of his own. Later, refused to help at all with either child (we had another which I clearly don’t regret now he’s here but would be slated on here for) unless I put them to sleep on their fronts to sleep against all guidelines, because “they sleep better”.

I’m still alive! I think I’ve been a pretty good mother to both of them. They are 11 and 6 now, so those days are over. They were really hard but you do survive even in the worst circumstances and you can be a good mum despite feeling horribly tired.

[2007Millie]

But you don't really have any choice, you just have to keep going. And you do, and then one day you finally realise it's not as bad as it once was, and every week it gets a little easier.

this.

[BombyliusMajor]

If you have a non-sleeping child, the sleep deprivation can get really quite bad. There is no way to prepare, but you will get through it because you have to. You may also luck out and get one of the sleeping ones.

Mine woke up with night terrors every 2-3 hours until he was nearly 3 years old. My immune system was shot to shit through lack of sleep and I got pneumonia 3 times in the first year. He sleeps through now, but never longer than 8 hours, and hasn’t napped since I can remember. If I’m honest I feel a bit traumatised by it! I decided to work part time and put him in nursery full time so I could get a bit of rest. It was expensive, but I think it’s the only l way I could have survived on so little sleep. There were times I thought I was going to collapse. For ages I felt guilty & inadequate that I couldn’t ‘teach’ him to sleep - but gave up holding myself responsible when over £2k worth of work with sleep consultants got us nowhere. His cousins are shit sleepers too - I think it just runs in the family.

Most parents I know have had a much easier time, though.

[sandpiper555]

Truly, you get used to it. I'm awful on a lack of sleep but you do manage. Overwhelming love and caffeine get you through the hectic nights. I'm lucky that my son slept through the night from 11 weeks.

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

Honestly the lack of sleep was utterly shit. And you do wonder how you are getting through it. But you do, even if you fall asleep at all hours during the day, are unwashed, hungry and as grumpy as hell.

Sometimes I felt I could just park the pram, sit down in the street and fall asleep right there and I wouldn't care. I did fall asleep in the park a few times.

But you don't really have any choice, you just have to keep going. And you do, and then one day you finally realise it's not as bad as it once was, and every week it gets a little easier.

[2007Millie]

First few months were hell, I remember falling asleep lots with baby in my arms.

As time has gone on, you really just adapt and now I can survive easily on 3-5 hours broken sleep a night

[madcatladyforever]

It's easier the younger you are, I was 21and not that bothered about not sleeping as I could snooze in the day and had lots of energy.

If I don't get any sleep now at 58 I awake like the kraken and no amount of sleep during the day makes up for it.

My sister had two bad sleepers in her 40's and how she suffered.

Don't expect to be entertained by your baby, they are as boring as hell during the preschool years.

Children are are like unrefined crystals, if you don't shape and polish them properly at the right age they will be rough and ready and never very lovely but if you do they will shine and delight for the rest of their lives.

[CHIRIBAYA]

The lack of sleep is the thing I remember the most about babies and you are very sensible to put feelers out on this issue. The problem is that you can't predict what you are going to get! Both mine were regular night wakers up until the age of three when they both settled; I went about 15 months before I had a run of unbroken nights with my daughter. I don't think there is a word for how awful I felt, I really need my sleep! You might get lucky with one that sleeps through the night very quickly. However, it's important to remember that whatever happens you will get through it and nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. Now, when I luxuriate in my bed at night or when I am having one of my regular lie-ins, it feels exceptionally sweet having experienced that sleep deprivation. I think I would be taking it all for granted otherwise!

[sweetkitty]

Mum of four and I love my sleep. I also suffer from chronic migraines and lack of sleep is a major trigger. What got me through the newborn days was cosleeping and breastfeeding on demand. My babies didn’t even fully wake up, they’d start to snuggle about, they latch on have a feed and we’d both be back asleep in minutes. Now I know that’s not for everyone and that’s fine but for me it worked. All four went into their own beds and rooms at between 18 months and two fine (they weren’t still sleeping with me at age 10).

Having children was the best thing I have ever done, yes DH and I never got a minute (we have no family to help) but it’s been worth it.

[Thefab3]

Yup up to 6 wakes or more for years... I also think for me it was sometimes the insinuation that I was doing something wrong “ oh he’s a clever one”, “ you need to be stricter” etc etc. It was absolutely nothing we did or didn’t do and I know this as we have more than one and totally different experiences! Also my family would never help out practically even when my eyes were falling out of my head with exhaustion. So I did find it all very hard and I became obsessed with sleep.
I’m now going through training my body to sleep again and intend to enjoy lovely, long sleeps how my family is complete! It’s going to be my hobby again!

[WhiteCat1704]

Very similar experience to 58Thefab3 except it was my first an only child. He is 4 now and FINALLY has started to sleep through...4 YEARS!!! First 3 were a nightmare, up to 6 awakings every night.
I will not have more children as could not survive it again. As much as I love him it has been awful.

[Thefab3]

I have three dcs and absolutely love being a parent, like can honestly say everyday I count my lucky stars for them.
The sleep deprivation for me however was a total nightmare and is still something almost nine years into being a parent I struggle and think at 35 now I look way older from it. I think I was naive about the sleep thing but also what people don’t say or didn’t say to me anyway is that it doesn’t always magically get better after 6 weeks, 6 months , 2/3 years.
My first was in retrospect an ok sleeper (and in fairness was my first so much easier to rest and nap) , it took him a good year to sleep all night but he’d wake at 5am most of the time which was fine as long as he slept all night. We had a solid routine, did gentle sleep training etc etc.
My second child slept like a newborn for.4.years...
We tried everything and consistently; checked for allergies, solid routine , put to bed later , earlier, longer naps , shorter naps, more food, exercise , oesteopath (spl?), co sleeping , cot, hammock; it could have been reflux but we weren’t sure and we tried some over the counter reflux medication.
By not sleeping I mean he woke every 45 mins /every hour for years then magically turned four and since then sleeps around 14 hours a night.
Our third wasn’t as bad but still took to three without numerous wakes and still at three wakes sometimes once a night but all now are great.All were breastfed.
Pre kids I could sleep easily 9/10 hours a night , I loved sleeping so much. I need at least 7 hours to feel ok but it’s not really enough. I can’t really describe the effect it’s had on me , I still don’t sleep properly now as I’ve developed insomnia as a result and also my dh was brilliant and pulled his weight but even if he got up I would wake, I almost feel now that I never fall into a deep sleep. Recently I had a sleep I would compare to the old days like I actually slept through without waking which is so rare and I felt incredible the next day.
I’m not saying this to be all doom and gloom, my kids are fantastic and actually very well behaved , easy kids tbh. I’m saying it cause most people said to me “oh the sleep deprivation is awful but only for a few months, oh they sleep way better after 6 months , a year etc...it just isn’t the case for everyone. I had no idea children could wake constantly for years and all kids are different, all of ours were brought up exactly the same but totally different sleep patterns. Best of luck with it all though op!

[kemosabeimalone]

I’m a mum of two, with number 3 due in a matter of weeks. The first is a bit of a shock mainly as you have to adapt to trying to get sleep when you can and you are probably used to sleeping in a stretch. After a while you get better at catching quick cat naps but you never sleep as deeply again. I’ve experienced both a terrible sleeper and a good sleeper baby. What I’d say I’d be kind to yourself and do what you need to get through. If Co-sleeping enables you to get more sleep do-it. If you move your bedtime to earlier in the evening and that lets you get a bit more sleep do that too. Things that can pep you up on the bad days include having a shower, eating chocolate and getting outside for a walk. Also, as everyone says In early days, focus on only the essential stuff at home. As long as everyone gets fed and is relatively clean now and then you are doing great!

[Goostacean]

Well for a start off, like a pp I had pregnancy insomnia so I actually found it easier to get to sleep after baby arrived! It’s also easier if you’re on maternity leave, especially with your firstborn, because it’s unlikely there’s much that needs doing. Acquiring food, the basics of housework? That’s it. Whereas when you’re pregnant it’s hard to do all of “real life” plus growing the baby, and I didn’t find that anyone cuts you much slack. And then if you have older children, they need dealing with even when baby is asleep.

Also- don’t be afraid to ask for help. From family or friends for a full night off if you can, or try sleep training at an appropriate age. We started at 5.5mo as I was fed up of 2-4 night wakings, and 3.5 weeks later he’s just done his first 12h sleep through. Minimal crying, still breastfeeding on demand, but we’re all happier well-rested. (I appreciate that it doesn’t work like that for everyone!)

[RedPanda2]

No children but I do have chronic insomnia. I just muddle through, and try my best. You get used to it and if you do get a good nights sleep it makes you remember how crap you feel all the time! Sorry not very positive