To have a third baby after a big gap?

[Broodybananas]

I have 2 DC who are 11 and 8, would potentially be 9 and 12 by the time a third baby came along... I’m late thirties. Didn’t have great pregnancies and had a c-section for one birth and a difficult birth for the other. We could just about afford another baby but don’t currently have enough bedrooms for all to have their own rooms, car is too small etc...

It’s a mad, terrible idea isn’t it? Yet somehow I can’t stop thinking about it... has anyone else had this ‘before it’s too late’ brodiness ? Did you have another baby or get over the idea in time?

[thaegumathteth]

FWIW I am 10 and 8 years younger than my siblings.

I hated it growing up and even now they consider me a child and it infuriates me. None of us are close - possibly related to personality more than age but I think I'd have been closer to my brother if he hadn't left home when I was 9. We don't have shared experiences that I can remember. I can't remember living with them. Even our memories of our parents are different.

[Portabella24]

I am early 40s and went through something similar a few years ago. I am over it now but I think that at the time it felt like 'last chance' in a way (yes I know you can have children well into 40s and sometimes 50s). It felt like mourning for the babies I never had and now would never be able to have. It sounds a bit mad and may not be at all how you are feeling but I wonder if it is quite common.

[RonObvious]

I’m early forties and my hormones have gone nuts. I am thinking about babies constantly, and feel like I really want another one. Except I don’t. My two are 6 and 8, and things have settled down into quite a comfortable routine. I’m not sleep deprived. My children can dress themselves, feed themselves, clean their own bums. My job is in a make or break phase. I really don’t want another child - am just gritting my teeth and riding it out!

[Raaaa]

I'm pregnant with dc2 and dd1 is 3, so I appreciate I'm in a different situation. However if I was in yours I don't think I could do it!
In a lot of ways I dreading the dc2 being born and going back to sleepless night, nappies, bf/ff, dealing with those awful phases as we're in a such a nice routine now.

[RandomMess]

Actually best advice I ever heard was borrow a 2/3 year old for a weekend...

[BubblesBuddy]

I posted because I was a lot older than my siblings. No, I didn’t enjoy it. It’s a recipe for the older child being expected to be a baby sitter, not being able to do what they would like to do because it’s not suitable for baby/toddler, having the baby /toddler around when you want to be a teenager and have a bit of fun and generally everything revolves around the baby. Not to mention sharing rooms. The older child can easily turn into mums little helper and stops having their needs considered.

That’s why I think it’s worth considering how everyone would feel, not just you as a mum.

[Nosuchluck]

Maybe get a kitten or a puppy?

[PeppasMuddyPuddles]

Never assume older children want a baby. They might really dislike the inconvenience

As someone who was an accidental baby with siblings 13 & 10 years older I can agree with this.
They hated me, and still call me the favourite child because my parents were in a better financial position by the time I was growing up.
I'm not saying it never works, but just that it might not be all happy families as you picture now.

[BubblesBuddy]

The youngest gets away with murder! All the parenting goes into 1 and 2 and a late baby is never disciplined in the same way! My mum actually said she changed her parenting style for the late gang and yes, it was noted!!

[BubblesBuddy]

Gang!!! Baby!

[PeppasMuddyPuddles]

Genuinely think @bubblesbuddy might be my sister 🤣

[JudesBiggestFan]

I had a surprise third pregnancy and my two other children were 9 and 6 when he was born.
I have to say it's almost been like having a first again I'd so gone past the baby stage! My pregnancy was hard because it was such a shock and also because it triggered a horrendous bout of ulcerative colitis (a condition i didn't know I had but I was diagnosed with 9 months after he was born because it just got worse and worse).
So physically it took an enormous toll and logistically I would just warn it's tricky. Between the school runs and all the after school clubs, there's a lot of dragging a baby/toddler in and out of the house unless you have a lot of support.
We needed a bigger car, we've moved house to get an extra bedroom, we had to pay nursery fees again, both my husband and I both had to drop a day at work...financially it's ruined us just when we were on an even keel.
But would I do it again? Hell yes! He's an absolute joy and the glue that binds us all together. He makes us laugh, seeing the older two looking after him and playing with him warms my heart every day and the cuddles and joy of doing it all over again makes the sacrifices more than worth it. Were there days I wondered what the hell id done? Definitely!
But cliche that it is, I wouldn't be without him now. And the added benefit is at 41 and 44, we are now so tired that we are very, very relaxed parents!

[CatherinedeBourgh]

I was 8 and my sister was 10 when my mother had her third child.

From the point of the older children I'd say don't do it. I wish my mother hadn't.

[janeyloves]

I have a big gap for my third child. It's been great. We all really enjoy him and the relationship with his siblings is lovely. They are very paternal towards him.

[pendeen123]

Go for it! We had two, 17 and 12,when totally out of the blue, I was pregnant again at the age of 38 (husband 45 and father of the other two),she turned 16 last month and has brought so oo much happiness and is adored by her two older brothers and her two sisters in law.....plus she keeps us young,e.g. I can tell you what is the current number one!

[BubblesBuddy]

“Seeing the older two looking after him” - is that their job for the next 10 years? Yes, now you have a baby it’s, of course m, best to make the most of it and be upbeat. When you want your DC to look after him when they are teens, is this really what they want? Or need?

I think being very rich can make this work - you ensure you have family help to ensure all dc get a life.

(I don’t think I’m the sister as ages are different! You do at least understand the dangers and don’t have the rose tinted glasses on!)

[Clemmieandareallybigbunfight]

Mine were 8 and 6 when we had our planned third child. It was a big gap but wel all loved having a baby and the bond between the siblings is strong. Your age gap is bigger. Tbh I would be thinking about two babies 18 months apart. The third is going to be lonely when the other leave home otherwise.

[Colom]

I have two. The thought of a third never leaves. I'm mid-30s so still have time I suppose but as a P.O. said I really like the idea of three adult children. I don't know if it's worth going through all the crazy baby days again to get that (not to mention teenagers )

Tough one OP. If you really want another child then I wouldn't let the age gap be too much of a consideration, I'd just focus on if you REALY want it and how the rest of the family would cope/be impacted.

[WineLover1234]

I'm 29 on Friday. My brother is 41 and my sister is 37. Mum was apparently mortified when she found out she was having me. Purely cos I wasn't planned and she had thrown anything baby related away! And both siblings and mum and dad still to this day said they wouldn't have had it any other way despite the shock. I don't know how it feels to be in your position, but I know you wouldn't regret it xxxx all the best with whatever you decide

[MarshaBradyo]

I did and it’s worked out really well. A dd after two Ds. They both adore her very much. It’s individual though, you’ll get a mix of posts saying no way to yes it’s great.

[Browntile]

I could have typed @Mustfly’s post. Even all our ages are the same. No 3 a tota surprise for us. Would I have chosen to have a 3rd? Nope. I am properly knackered permanently in a way I never was with the first two. It puts a lot of limitations on things we can do as a family. However his big brother and sister are wonderful with him and he is just the most awesome human being. Would I make a decision to have a third at 39 as I was? No. Do I regret having him? Not for a second x

[IKEA888]

we had a third... when my other two were 12 and 8.
In all honesty it's hard.
we wouldn't be without him but....
things like home schooling is v difficukt with such she gaps
holidays... day trips... tv watching ... board games. all difficukt

[Sarahlou252]

I had my two within two years of each other, but never had that 'complete' feeling. I buried it down for years, but then had a 'scare', a false alarm, but it floored us both and seemed to awaken everything once more. So dd3 came along when my first two were 10 & 12, I felt complete as soon as she was in my arms and I have never ever regretted it. 22, 20 and nearly 10 now xx

[Rewis]

My siblings are 12 and 16 years older than me. I loved it growing up and they are still my favourite people and we spend a lot of time together.

Growing up my mum made sure that they had their space and they didn't need to babysit unless they voulanteered. Obviously my siblings could be total liars but they say that they enjoyed their timw with me and when I was little and they lived on their own, they would pick me up for sleepovers. My parents are nice people so they wouldn't tell if they thought having me was a mistake, but mum especially always says how having a kid at a later age has kept them younger and are glad that they were not just the two of them.

I thibk you need to think if you want another child for real. The external factors can be solved once you know how you feel.

[Prisonbreak]

My boyfriends little sister is 21 years younger than him! Your gap seems ok in comparison