Dream job, and now I might have to quit

[BoujiSnail]

I feel like crying.
Today I started my dream job, it was a promotion from my other job which I've been in for a few years. It's taken ages to earn the experience to move up and now I'm doing it I know it's what I want for the future with room to progress and retrain in something.
On my way home I had an email from ds's preschool to say that they were no longer allowing children to attend two settings and that I had to choose. My ds also goes to a Childminder for two days. I quickly rang the childminder but she has no availability for the other days. I rang preschool but they absolutely won't budge but suggested we move ds there full time. I don't want to do that as it's far away and also I don't want to shaft my Childminder who my son loves. She is a family friend too.
Spoke to my dm but she works full time and my stepdad is vulnerable. DP as usual was useless and said it was impossible for him to take time off as he's self employed and his job is too important.
What am I supposed to do? I want this so bad but I can't work without childcare, all the preschools are introducing this one setting rule, which in my opinion is stupid as ds will still be living in a house with two working outside the home parents (one customer facing, one NHS) and one sister who is in school every day.
I've already taken liberties in this job by having to finish at 3 for most of the time because there are no after school clubs. I cannot have any other days off or WFH as I need to learn from others in the building and set up teleconference equipment, talk to patients and there is no WiFi on the wards.
Bloody stupid Covid!

[BoujiSnail]

Unfortunately he can't set his hours as he runs a shop. Has to be open when people are mingling around shopping.

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

Could your DP do one of those 45 minute runs?

[JustIgnoreTheMoanyCow]

I don't usually condone this, but surely the preschool aren't going to know if you use the childminder the other days? Tell them you've changed your hours and have it covered now?

[BoujiSnail]

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup he doesn't drive unfortunately and it's Forrest school so in the arse end of nowhere.

[RelapsedChocoholic]

I’m sorry, this may just be a turn of phrase but your child’s father ‘helps’ with childcare?

What is his proposal for how his child will be cared for whilst he is working?

Who earns most money?

[BoujiSnail]

@JustIgnoreTheMoanyCow I have thought about this but when we fill in the funding form we have to state which settings and days, maybe they'll know somehow. It might be my only option (though I'm a terrible liar.)

[BoujiSnail]

@RelapsedChocoholic I agree. This is what I said tonight 'preschool have just announced this so what are we going to do about it?' It is 100% our problem as we both work FT, not just mine.

[Kolo]

Is it worth talking to the childminder again, seeing as she's a friend? I know that the rules on ratios have been relaxed somewhat to allow for more flexibility during this time of upheaval. Maybe read the guidance for childminders yourself.

[happytoday73]

So your partner does 2 days, Childminder does 2, preschool just one day then?
Could you not do 4 long days with a little working from home on day used to be at preschool.
If not is there another Childminder you could use as well as current one?

[Kolo]

www.gov.uk/government/publications/early-years-foundation-stage-framework--2/early-years-foundation-stage-coronavirus-disapplications

[JudyCoolibar]

Is there any chance of the childminder collecting him from pre-school and keeping him till 5?

[BoujiSnail]

@JudyCoolibar but that would still be two settings?

[Eckhart]

Your partner needs to step up.

Hasn't your workplace got other staff in the same position? Are they making no concessions at all? What did they say when you spoke to them?

[Mummyshark2018]

2 days with dad, 2 with childminder and request unpaid parental leave/ annual leave for 1 day a week until this is over.

[pandarific]

Don't lose your job over this - start searching for other childminders and nurseries local to you, and start contacting them. Ask on your local fb community/parenting group for childminder/nursery recommendations.

I know it's crappy for your childminder, and I know it may not be 100% ideal to move your DS, but it would be a disaster for you to lose this opportunity for something which is so easily solvable. Everything is in flux at the moment, and it won't last forever - hang in there.

[Moondust001]

Your child will grow up - astonishingly quickly. Do not give up the job you love for a temporary problem. Speak to your employers about any flexibility they may be able to give - these are not normal times. I presume you must have had plans in place for the school holidays, so can you bring them forward?

Or be creative? Could he go to preschool full time and a friend "childmind"? If it's an informal arrangement there are no rules! Plenty of people have friends or family doing the school run and care giving until mum gets home.

Also, I think your husband needs to step up. Everything isn't about him and his needs. Your child has two parents, not one.

[BoujiSnail]

I feel like a little mini rant which is at no one in particular (and might sound like virtue signalling) that I have tried so hard through all of this, not taking any time off during Covid and coming in every day, leaving late, working through lunch, setting up a bloody staff wellbeing area and cleaning toilets whilst our housekeepers were short staffed. I've rang up local food producers for donations and driven to other hospitals to get adequate PPE and when I got this secondment i felt like it was my reward for it all. Now I feel like other forces like my stupid dp, preschool, dd's school are making it so difficult for me to just come in and do my job. It's not like I can rope in grandparents etc.
I feel like what was it all for? Why didn't I just declare that I wouldn't be able to come in for the foreseeable future like so many NHS admin did, even though it put more work on their colleagues who were coming in and even though they very often had a dh at home who could have looked after the kids? Pity party over.

[BoujiSnail]

@Eckhart they are making concessions but I took this job on saying that I could work the hours stated. Now without preschool I can't. Taking annual leave etc isn't really an option as there are important meetings on this one day which I no longer have childcare for, no one else will cover as it's supposed to my workload and I'm supposed to be learning the ropes. If I needed a Tuesday or a Monday off it wouldn't be as much of a problem it just so happens that the day ds goes to nursery is the important day!

[RelapsedChocoholic]

Thanks for the reply Bouji- sorry again, it just makes me slightly at the threads where men abdicate responsibility!

Your childminder is not an option currently, unfortunately imo. She is a professional so I’d expect her to understand the reasons you have to move your child.
You need child care for the hours you and your partner work- I’d suggest drawing up a schedule and between you and DP identifying where his/your child is going to be cared for
Is there another day care you could use for all 5 days 9-5?

Absolutely do give up your dream job (what would your DP do if it was his dream job at risk?)

[Eckhart]

And you've explained to them that the goalposts have just moved in a way you couldn't have anticipated when you took the job? They must have others in this position, it can't just be you?

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

Don’t call it a pity party OP. You’re being totally reasonable in that rant.

You need a come to Jesus talk with your “d”p.

It’s INSANE to risk your career progression with in a stable public service career to support your DP’s shop. Sorry to be blunt, but the retail industry is about to go through a bit of a rough patch in the coming months, and it might not be worth supporting. (Unless he owns a face mask shop, in which case ignore.)

I actually can’t believe your dp is so shortsighted.

Can he not get a store assistant to cover some of the gaps in childcare? So he can care for D.C. while the shop is still open? Even someone for 12 or 16 hours a week.

[Bflatmajorsharp]

Tbh, I'd be a bit wary of banking on pre-school definitely being open for the rest of the term.

France has had to close 50 schools since they reopened due to confirmed or suspected Covid, and it's fairly likely the same will happen in England.

Childcare settings are asking parents to only use one premises at the moment to try to reduce the likelihood of cross-contamination.

Also, pre-school only runs until mid-July. What will you do over the summer holidays - I guessing that childminder will be available some of the time?

[DPotter]

There will be a way around this - so don’t make any changes yet.
When are the pre-school expecting you to send your DS full time? From tomorrow - sorry pre-school, the childminder has claimed this term’s funding, so will have to be from next term.
That will give you some time to either finding a nursery (which is probably a better option for both parents working full time or you may find your childminder has a vacancy come through.
Be in no doubt pre-schools and other venues are making this change because of funding issues and whilst I have sympathy with them, you need the system to work for you and your family.

Ps kick your DH into touch.

[BoujiSnail]

@TerribleCustomerCervix thank you, I do appreciate you understanding.
The trouble is with my dp is far from being egotistical about his career, he is very nervous of change and this is the only job he has ever done. The conversation goes 'you're ok getting jobs, you always get interviews and promotions, don't worry about trying to progress, just do the bare minimum till a better paid one comes along.' He always brings up the better paid jobs (that I was miserable in) as being 'better for the family.' Whilst he has to stay in his as he doesn't think he's very employable.

[Celeriacacaca]

First of all, congratulations on your new role. As others have said, your DP must step up. We're all having to work in different ways and he is no exception, especially as you earn the most. He needs to get someone to cover in the shop for the couple of hours you need him to be with DC. And it sounds as if preschool is the best option too. Good luck!