Dream job, and now I might have to quit

[BoujiSnail]

I feel like crying.
Today I started my dream job, it was a promotion from my other job which I've been in for a few years. It's taken ages to earn the experience to move up and now I'm doing it I know it's what I want for the future with room to progress and retrain in something.
On my way home I had an email from ds's preschool to say that they were no longer allowing children to attend two settings and that I had to choose. My ds also goes to a Childminder for two days. I quickly rang the childminder but she has no availability for the other days. I rang preschool but they absolutely won't budge but suggested we move ds there full time. I don't want to do that as it's far away and also I don't want to shaft my Childminder who my son loves. She is a family friend too.
Spoke to my dm but she works full time and my stepdad is vulnerable. DP as usual was useless and said it was impossible for him to take time off as he's self employed and his job is too important.
What am I supposed to do? I want this so bad but I can't work without childcare, all the preschools are introducing this one setting rule, which in my opinion is stupid as ds will still be living in a house with two working outside the home parents (one customer facing, one NHS) and one sister who is in school every day.
I've already taken liberties in this job by having to finish at 3 for most of the time because there are no after school clubs. I cannot have any other days off or WFH as I need to learn from others in the building and set up teleconference equipment, talk to patients and there is no WiFi on the wards.
Bloody stupid Covid!

[BumbleBeee69]

How are you OP

[Dozer]

You say DP not DH, so if you’re not married your personal earning ability is paramount. Your DP is certainly prioritising his: vital that you do likewise.

Sort the best poss childcare for the circumstances.

[Blacksideupanddownagain]

Could you move to another pre school or nursery that has hours and a location to suit you/DP better to keep your job? (45 mins travel for nursery is mad if you live in a city)

You say childminder has claimed all the funding, do they get paid upfront for a whole term in advance for the 15/30 hours provision? Presumably you'll have to give 4 weeks notice so may have a period of crossover but otherwise you can transfer your DC funding half way through a term to a new nursery. I realise that's difficult given its a friend, but you've got to consider your own needs too.

[FrogFairy]

Would it be safe for DP to take son into work with him?

[Michelleoftheresistance]

Congratulation OP and sorry you've had this dropped on you - please don't quit for a temporary problem, this will pass!

I agree with PPs, it's time to look at other childcare.

Nanny or a nanny share, mothers help,
New nursery - full time places filled are valuable to them, ring around
New preschool - many currently are offering limited places for limited hours trying to get all their kids in so may be harder to get full time
New childminder

Yes, going to be expensive and a PITA in the short term but will soon settle down with funding etc and worth it to keep a job that you love and will be good for years to come.

[Eeyoresstickhouse]

You can reclaim the funded hours from your childminder if moving settings.

[SimonJT]

If someone suggested a woman gave up her job because her male partner earned more and owned the house the replies would be somewhat different. I doubt they would say a woman who had moved her hours around giving up every weekend so she can be at home two days in the week would be called useless either.

Look at alternative childcare, some settings do have more places than usual due to people giving up their places entirelt due to covid.

[Bflatmajorsharp]

Please don't encourage OP to carry on using two settings and lie to the school.

It's incredibly unfair on both the school and childminder, who are following guidelines to minimise cross-contamination.

[Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal]

Against the grain I’m sure but how will the school know if you keep dc in with the childminder as well? They really have no way of knowing where your child is on days he isn’t with them.

[Eckhart]

there would rightly be outrage if OP had posted that she was being asked to give up her job to do childcare simply because she was a lower wage earner

But she's feeling that way anyway, regardless of earnings. They both need to be feeling it equally. It sounds like he's not feeling pressured by the lack of childcare at all, and is just assuming she'll do it. There needs to be a compromise, an agreement, a balance.

[thewinkingprawn]

There are some incredibly unfair comments on here about her DP - he already does childcare and why on earth should be give up a job just because he is a lower wage earner - there would rightly be outrage if OP had posted that she was being asked to give up her job to do childcare simply because she was a lower wage earner. That aside, I would most definitely either fib to pre school for the very short time this rule will even be in place or find an 8-6 nursery. If he’s in pre school he must be off to school shortly and it really won’t matter in the long term.

[Purpleartichoke]

Don’t give up your promotion. You may have to move your son or hire a nanny or just do something crazy, but don’t give up your job.

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

Can you find a babysitter for the preschool day? A local student, agency sitter etc? Suck up the cost in the short term until the two setting restriction is lifted. Or if your childminder is such a good friend, could she give notice to another client to fit you in?

[Devlesko]

Get our husband to give up his job/ or him go pt.
It means a lot to you and rightly so, don't sacrifice your career for this.

[Apple40]

Hi, I am a childminder and it’s only a recommendation that parents use 1 setting it’s not a rule, it’s to reduce the risk etc. Is your childminder completely full could see not increase numbers on the extra days under continuity of care this is allowed.
This guidance may only be in effect until September

[NoMoreDickheads]

I would lie, tell them you're no longer using the childminder but carry on using them.

[Shamoo]

Agree that all of the hating on the DP seems a bit unfair when he is doing two of the days already, and working weekends as a result!

[LellyMcKelly]

Get a new childminder until the one you want has spaces again.

[PafLeChien]

I don't understand the comments about the DP - he is already doing Mondays and Tuesdays childcare, and he is working weekend. how is that not stepping up already?

OP only need childcare for 3 days a week then? Try another childminder maybe

[creativecringe]

If the child goes to a forest school for one day, what is stopping you putting the child in another nursery for the four days? You are allowed to that.

[DamnYankee]

co-worker's...responsibility for it (sigh)

[BrummyMum1]

I would lie but pre schoolers are brutally honest so you’ll probably get found out. Can you get a nanny or pay a relative to be a “nanny” 2 days instead. My mum is now my nanny 🤷‍♀️

[highmarkingsnowbile]

Your partner is a pointless. Find a way to work out the childcare and get rid of him. Do NOT continue to compromise your jobs and finances for an unmarried partner who's a loser into the bargain.

[DamnYankee]

he is very nervous of change and this is the only job he has ever done

We're all nervous about change.

The only job? How old is he?

And you say he's typically useless...

Your partner sounds like he has issues. Actually, he sounds like my former co-worker'd DH. He had ADHD, but refused to take any responsibility or it.

Dream jobs are far and few between. Get creative - and get counseling.

[fizzandchips]

Can you employ a mothers help type person - student teacher/student home for summer holidays to come to your house on the other days (and if they drive help with pick up on nursery days) as a mid term solution - appreciate financially not the best option initially, but you comply with the regulations of one setting only.