To ask DD dad to look after her Mon-Fri

[Ginnyrellas]

My daughter is 9 years old and her dad lives a 35 min drive away from us. One week before lock down i started a new job and I’ve just been given the opportunity to really get my foot in the door with the company in a different position that could really change my career, something that can give us a better life after all the hard work.
That’s not an issue now, but when my DH gets asked to go back to work (he is currently furloughed) and is in the manufacturing industry so it could be any point. I’m going to struggled to do the hours required because of a change in school hours. My DD would normally attend breakfast club and after school clubs.
DD father and his wife are unemployed and although we all get on really well, I’ve never received a penny in maintaince.
Would IBU to ask her dad to have her mon-fri while all this is going on while I pursue this? Or would that make me a terrible mother by putting my career first?

[Ginnyrellas]

@Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal

Yes that’s what I meant 😂😂 sorry I did post a comment after my OP stating it was temporary.

[Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal]

I must say I love a misused phrase- makes me laugh! Sorry I probably missed that update. It’s up to you at the end of the day I would take the new job though but don’t give up time with your daughter- you may regret it! Good luck

[MrsBlue4]

Some of the replies on this are ridiculous. Of course it's reasonable for your daughter's father to take care of her for most of the week while the schools are off. Someone even suggested a nanny being better? So you would rather a stranger take care of your child rather than their own parent? Based on what? Because he doesn't work he must be a monster 😂

[PicsInRed]

MrsBlue4

Because once the basis of this, he could be awarded majority care by family court and the OP could end up with EOW (whilst still doing the wife work, drs, school etc). That's why.

[Ginnyrellas]

If DD dad was ever going to go to court he would of done it years ago. It wouldn’t happen in a million years. Just because most split families want to tear shreds into each other doesn’t mean everyone does. It’s called mutual respect for each other. Just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean we aren’t all a very close family unit. And just because they don’t work doesn’t mean they are money grabbers and would use DD as a meal ticket for more benefits. I’m sorry but they are just not like that.

[PicsInRed]

Be careful Ginny.

Good luck. 💐

[diddl]

"Someone even suggested a nanny being better?"

I suggested a nanny-thinking that Op's daughter might prefer things as they are-living with her mum & "visiting" her dad.

Of course if Op could collect her daughter every night then effectively things wouldn't change & her daughter wouldn't be essentially moving out.

[Home42]

My 9 year old DD is doing weeks with her Dad whilst I am wfh and he is furloughed. Normally she is 5 days a week with me but needs must. Everyone is enjoying the change. DD likes seeing her Dad more, he is enjoying having something to do during the week. I need the peace to get work done.

[TippledPink]

I would just work out worst case scenario that he will claim maintenance from you and claim Child Benefit for her, as well as decide she is settled and better off with him. Not saying it's going to happen, you seem to trust him but you can never trust someone 100%. It would be better to be prepared for the worst case scenario and it didn't happen then it did happen and you couldn't do anything to go back in time to change it.

Work out how much you would have to pay in maintenance in case he does decide to claim, and work out if you would be comfortable being non resident parent going forward. Just be prepared.

He doesn't pay maintenance because you said he doesn't work, if someone is on benefits it's normally £5 a week they have to pay which is nothing.