Petrified of social services.

[Worriedmotherhelp]

I’m a first time mum to a 6 month old boy, very happily married. I have suffered with depression but not for 5 years, I’ve been doing well, no medication etc managing my health with diet and exercise. During lockdown I’ve had to shield because of a health issue. Therefore I have not left our marital flat for 6 weeks. I had a very sudden, emotional breakdown one evening. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and began scratching at my neck- a self harm action I had used to do but haven’t done for over 5 years. My husband pushed me back on to the bed I was sitting on, pinning my arms down to prevent my attacking myself. He did this gently and with care. He called 999 as he was concerned about me as he’s never seen me in that state of distress- the whole event however lasted only about 1-2 minutes. The police passed this on to social services as they said what he did is domestic violence?! And that as such our son is at significant risk of harm. My husband was preventing me from harming myself and it seems lunacy that he would call 999 if he was perpetrating some form of violence! We have now had social services come to our flat and they are carrying out an assessment under section 47 of the children’s act. I’m reeling from shock and feel the situation is entirely absurd. We have never had the police or an ambulance called to our home before. We love and adore our little boy and wouldn’t harm a hair on his head. I understand self harm is wrong, but it was a coping mechanism used only ever against myself- certainly never anyone else! And it’s certainly not something that is usual for me. The baby has met all milestones, has never had any health issues, and even in the police report they noted he seemed a happy healthy baby and was well kept in appearance. I know this shouldn’t matter but we have a nice home, he has an abundance of toys, he has good clothes, we have a lovely routine each day with lots of play activities and always do what I call ‘big’ activities twice a week- I.e home made edible paint, coloured spaghetti play, jelly play etc. he’s bathed every day, all his solids are carefully prepared looking at iron and vitamin quantities. I’ve done a first aid course for toddlers and babies run by our local hospital, did a baby massage course and we attended a baby class 4 times a week prior to the lockdown (we went to the zoo every Tuesday as we have a pass for there and he loved looking at the giraffes and fish of all things!) he’s read to twice a day, we do nursery rhymes and counting songs with actions and puppets every day (I’m a teacher so education is of course a big thing!) I just would not have placed us in this situation in a million years. We have been told social services can make unannounced visits at any point during the next 45 days whilst the assessment is undertaken. This is horrendous. Every time I make a family meal I have to wash all the dishes used in preparation before I can eat as I’m scared they’ll think I’m not keeping a clean home. Preparing the baby food for the next week today (a lot of vegetable chopping and peeling) was horrible as I had to keep washing and wiping the surfaces every minute I was so worried they’d suddenly appear at the door. After consultation with my doctor I am now going for a daily walk outside, I have also stepped up my contact with my family and friends and my husband has bought me some exercise equipment so I can exercise in the house. I feel back to normal in all ways but not this worry is just overwhelming. Can they take my son away over this? Can we challenge this in any way? I’m so mortified and ashamed by the whole event and having social services involved I don’t feel able to ask anyone openly for advice about the situation. Are they likely to be involved throughout his life now? My husband and I feel so segregated as we can’t talk to anyone about their involvement for embarrassment and shame. If anyone can offer any advice, it would be most gratefully received.

[CodenameVillanelle]

If all is as it appears then mum would do much better with a referral to mental health services not long term social work support. This reinforces my point that a full assessment is not proportionate

@dollymoo as a social worker how would you know what kind of support the parents need without doing an assessment? How can you say such a bizarre thing?

@Legoandloldolls why on earth do you think social services stay involved for life? That's complete rubbish and a very stupid thing to say.

[MadinMarch]

@Codenamevillanelle
Why is what @dollymoo said 'a bizarre thing to say'?
She qualifies her statement with 'if all is as it appears' and an initial visit/ assessment has already been done. It seems very reasonable to me that a referral is made to mental health services to explore why the episode happened and the possible need for some further support or/and medication. Nothing seems bizarre about that to me.

[Bluntness100]

Also, don’t be panicking about a tidy house, that’s not important

It’s not no, op, don’t worry about tidiness. If social services were concerned about significant neglect, which, to be fair, does fall under the banner of section 47, then it would be understandable, but neglect Worthy of a section 47 is not about if you’ve washed the dishes or not.

I think maybe the issue is the way the op is written, which is understandable if you’re upset with a small baby, so possibly there are just bits missing.

I’m not sure you’re going to come back, but if you’re still reading then it’s really important to be honest and comply with social services and if you’re not coping and they were saying neglect, then they are there to support you. If there is domestic violence again it’s important to be honest as it will happen again. If it’s both, then again it’s about honesty and seeking support, that’s how you keep your baby and it gets better.

Good luck.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Why is what @dollymoo said 'a bizarre thing to say'? She qualifies her statement with 'if all is as it appears' and an initial visit/ assessment has already been done

Because an initial visit is not an assessment, because the risk appeared significant enough to trigger a section 47 investigation and because if all is as it appears is impossible to ascertain without an assessment. M
Social workers assess the situation before deciding what course of action to recommend. That can be no further action, but that won't be possible without an assessment to find out what's actually going on. Referrals often come in looking like one thing but turn out to be something else. We find that out through assessment.

[Glovesick]

Two things:

It says husband called 999, not the police. He may have been calling an ambulance and plicie came anyway.

It sounds like assessment is for risk from father for violence, not mother for MH issues. Does husband have a record?

Oh, and one moe thing. OP is super stressed and panicking. Stop criticising her lack of school related safeguarding knowledge. We don't know when she last worked in a school or if it even was a school (she said education), or even in the UK. Leave her alone.

[Glovesick]

Apologies, she did say teacher, but we don't know what kind, nor is that relevant. Point stands - leave her alone.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

Op, I feel there is possibily more to the story that you don't want to divulge at this time. All I want to say is look after yourself and your baby, be honest with ss and get help from your gp, it will be OK

[Ohtherewearethen]

I not a social worker so I can't speak from their perspective but reading your OP it sounds like you are desperate to convince everybody that your baby is well cared for and loved (the detailed descriptions of the activities you do and the nutritional value of every meal, etc) I mean this kindly but it does seem a little...odd, for want of a better word. You don't need to over-do this or lay it on so thickly. A social worker should know if a baby is safe, secure and loved and tying yourself up in knots, trying to prove you keep a nice home, etc, is actually going to have a detrimental effect on your own well-being. When the social worker visits, try to just be as normal as you can be. No doubt you'll be nervous/terrified (it's easy for others to say just don't worry about it) but don't try to go over-the-top as it could appear a bit false and unnatural, and they might think it needs further exploration. I think you should prioritise your mental health and make sure you are not going to end up on a downward spiral. Accept support from your husband, social worker, family and friends, or whoever else you trust. Best wishes with it all

[MadinMarch]

@Codenamevillanelle
I am an ex children and families social worker.
An initial visit is an assessment though- it assesses whether it warrants further investigation and/or assessment. What Dollymoo is saying is that based on the op, then a section 47 assessment does seem disproportionate. Based on the account given by the op I also think a s47 was disproportionate. Yes, often the actual circumstances are different fom the first account, and become apparent further down the line, nevertheless, a decision about the level of risk (if any) and what action is required, still needs to be taken on that initial visit. Not all cases warrant further assessment, and it certainly isn't 'bizarre' to make that call as a social worker.
The sw in this case decided a s47 was appropriate and we'll obviously never know why in this particular case. Maybe in these times of Covid, it warrants a s47 and it has the added benefit that it at least provides possible monitoring and a point of contact for the woman if domestic abuse is occurring (not that a s47 is designed for that).

[tiredanddangerous]

I think there is probably more to this story than you’ve told us op. All I can recommend is that you cooperate fully with social services.

[CodenameVillanelle]

@MadinMarch
An initial visit is NOT an assessment. You might write up an assessment following a single visit if you found that the original concerns were not substantiated but none of us here can say that's the case.
As a social worker I am sure you have heard women downplay domestic abuse millions of times and indeed downplay their own actions too.
It's completely irresponsible for any social worker to say that a section 47 is unwarranted based on one woman's account on an anonymous website. Have you seen the police report? Do you have the parents' medical reports? Come on.

[wishingforapositiveyear]

Op there is a lot of misinformation on this thread . To summarise section 47 is not something you can refuse at all. We do not know everything only a few facts from Op but of course it would be distressing for a child to see their mum scratching herself and being so distressed that their dad has to physically restrain her and call the police, not disproportionate at all.

After the section 47 which typically is completed within 14 days , they will suggest either convening an initial child protection conference or completing a children and family assessment. It sounds like they are completing an assessment.

Do engage with them , let them know you have taken steps by going To GP, increasing exercise , reaching out to family as these are all positive you are taking steps. They will not care ah

[wishingforapositiveyear]

Sorry they will not care about dirty dishes or mess only complete squalor. They just want to see good care of baby, if the information you have given is correct I would doubt your baby will be open to SS after the assessment.

SWs are human and a lot of people's mental health is affected by the current pandemic. Please do not worry ask questions and be honest.

[MadinMarch]

@Codenamevillanelle
Please don't put words into my mouth that I never said!
Me and Dollymoo have both clearly and carefully stated 'based on the account given by the op'. That is what we were basing our opinions on, and surely that was clear enough? If the circumstances are different, and only the OP will know this as she is the one writing the thread, then my ( and presumably Dollymoo's) opinion would be different. That's what 'based on the account given by the OP' actually means.
It's an anonymous forum and we discuss according to what the op has written. It's implicit that none of us knows if that is the categorical truth. Come on...

Also, I stand by an initial visit IS a type of assessment. You're not popping in for a cuppa are you? Sometimes, it will be written up with no further action required. It's one of the big dilemmas of social work. I was merely replying to your statement in your post of 8.11 that an initial visit is not an assessment. I was talking generally, not making a call on this particular case as that can only be done by the worker who visited.

[PolloDePrimavera]

@Legoandloldolls another one saying rubbish about SS being involved for life. How would that even work?!
And school safeguarding training (at least in secondary and for subject teachers not leads) is pretty scant.

[Destroyedpeople]

And some of them see dirty dishes and mess as 'complete squalor'...honestly it depends who you get.

I had one aw peer under my sideboard and comment that I hadn't swept there.

I am not making this up.

Meanwhile she broke appointments and never spoke to my children alone.

[Neverender]

They certainly aren't involved for life. I have firsthand experience.

[Hwyrynos]

OP, your story just doesn’t sit quite right with me.

You haven’t said what caused the panic attack /emotional breakdown?

Scratching your neck is a very unusual self harm action. (It is however a very common domestic abuse injury).

Pinning you down on the bed is not a rational thing do to a loved one having a panic attack.

Calling 999 is not a rational thing to do after a 1-2 minute panic attack. (It is however a rational action after injuring somebody’s neck, perhaps more than intended.

I think you are a victim of domestic violence OP, you are panicking about losing your children and are telling is the story you have told Social Services, to see what will likely happen next.

Maybe I am totally wrong, and if so, I’m sorry.

... but if I am right, you know social services are there to help you and your children OP, you are not safe, you need to get out of there

[Scotsrule]

I agree with PP about the information shared by OP not necessarily triggering SS assessment, however she would be offered support from voluntary services such as early help etc in my LA at least.

Did you actually go to hospital OP, as their information will also be shared with SS?

Can I query a sec 47?

I have only known those be agreed after a strategy meeting involving all professionals involved with the family such as health visitor, teachers et. There is also legal rep from the LA and obviously the SW. It is generally agreed by legal that the threshold has been met to trigger this assessment and the SW doesn’t just decide that on her own. This would suggest that professionals around the family have significant enough concerns following this incident that further investigation is needed - this is not just one social worker with an agenda?

Is this wrong or is this just my LA process?

[Mummyshark2019]

This link is interesting re section 47. childprotectionresource.online/tag/section-47/

[Nettymaniaa]

They will complete the section 47 and step it down to child in needs if there is no compelling evidence of anything. At which point please ask for the support you need. Don’t accept just monitoring. At this point in time and as ever the processes are followed. But you’ve been very strong and there’s probably loads of strengths that will get taken into account, it’s the awful COVID isolation that can disrupt even the ones who think they are the most resilient. Don’t worry.

[LilQueenie]

Its not ss you need worry about here but the police who worded the information passed on to them. To say it was domestic violence/abuse is wrong and leading ss down the wrong route.

There was an incident where the police had been called to my own house. dd was around 3 at the time and I said she was standing by a small cupboard at the time of incident. (this was also to do with my mental health and panicking over a matter a little more than necessary) The police every so kindly reported that she was actually hiding in the cupboard insinuating that she was terrified! I no longer trust the police.

Try to remain calm and explain clearly.

[Musereader]

They don't stay involved for life at all. I had about 6 months of ss involvement at first. Mostly meetings where he shows that he is more scared of his father than concerned with his daughter.

I was signed off very quickly, they were never concerned about my ability to look after her.

I got a call about a year and half later, asking if he was in contact as he had had a child with another woman and had that child taken off them as they were unfit parents and they wanted to know if he was in contact with dd. H had no seen her since the week she turned 1.

Dd is almost 4.

[GoldenZigZag]

Given that the injuries were to OP's neck there is a chance the police were concerned about strangulation. I hope I don't have to remind the social workers on this thread that strangulation is high risk lethal violence, if there is even an outside chance that this occurred in a home with a vulnerable baby under 1 then it was entirely appropriate for this to go for assessment. It may well be the case that domestic abuse isn't a factor and that the episode relates entirely to an acute mental health issue, a decent assessment will get to the bottom of that and hopefully identify some support for OP. We know that domestic abuse often starts or escalates in the post natal period so I don't blame safeguarding agencies for being vigilant.

Best of luck to you and your family OP, I hope this all gets resolved safely

[dollymoo]

@goldenzigzag

Wind your neck in. How dramatic are you. Just aswell you aren't a social worker jumping to conclusions like that. You would have everyone's children removed at that rate