Petrified of social services.

[Worriedmotherhelp]

I’m a first time mum to a 6 month old boy, very happily married. I have suffered with depression but not for 5 years, I’ve been doing well, no medication etc managing my health with diet and exercise. During lockdown I’ve had to shield because of a health issue. Therefore I have not left our marital flat for 6 weeks. I had a very sudden, emotional breakdown one evening. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and began scratching at my neck- a self harm action I had used to do but haven’t done for over 5 years. My husband pushed me back on to the bed I was sitting on, pinning my arms down to prevent my attacking myself. He did this gently and with care. He called 999 as he was concerned about me as he’s never seen me in that state of distress- the whole event however lasted only about 1-2 minutes. The police passed this on to social services as they said what he did is domestic violence?! And that as such our son is at significant risk of harm. My husband was preventing me from harming myself and it seems lunacy that he would call 999 if he was perpetrating some form of violence! We have now had social services come to our flat and they are carrying out an assessment under section 47 of the children’s act. I’m reeling from shock and feel the situation is entirely absurd. We have never had the police or an ambulance called to our home before. We love and adore our little boy and wouldn’t harm a hair on his head. I understand self harm is wrong, but it was a coping mechanism used only ever against myself- certainly never anyone else! And it’s certainly not something that is usual for me. The baby has met all milestones, has never had any health issues, and even in the police report they noted he seemed a happy healthy baby and was well kept in appearance. I know this shouldn’t matter but we have a nice home, he has an abundance of toys, he has good clothes, we have a lovely routine each day with lots of play activities and always do what I call ‘big’ activities twice a week- I.e home made edible paint, coloured spaghetti play, jelly play etc. he’s bathed every day, all his solids are carefully prepared looking at iron and vitamin quantities. I’ve done a first aid course for toddlers and babies run by our local hospital, did a baby massage course and we attended a baby class 4 times a week prior to the lockdown (we went to the zoo every Tuesday as we have a pass for there and he loved looking at the giraffes and fish of all things!) he’s read to twice a day, we do nursery rhymes and counting songs with actions and puppets every day (I’m a teacher so education is of course a big thing!) I just would not have placed us in this situation in a million years. We have been told social services can make unannounced visits at any point during the next 45 days whilst the assessment is undertaken. This is horrendous. Every time I make a family meal I have to wash all the dishes used in preparation before I can eat as I’m scared they’ll think I’m not keeping a clean home. Preparing the baby food for the next week today (a lot of vegetable chopping and peeling) was horrible as I had to keep washing and wiping the surfaces every minute I was so worried they’d suddenly appear at the door. After consultation with my doctor I am now going for a daily walk outside, I have also stepped up my contact with my family and friends and my husband has bought me some exercise equipment so I can exercise in the house. I feel back to normal in all ways but not this worry is just overwhelming. Can they take my son away over this? Can we challenge this in any way? I’m so mortified and ashamed by the whole event and having social services involved I don’t feel able to ask anyone openly for advice about the situation. Are they likely to be involved throughout his life now? My husband and I feel so segregated as we can’t talk to anyone about their involvement for embarrassment and shame. If anyone can offer any advice, it would be most gratefully received.

[Witchcraftandhokum]

Something seems a little off here. Op, if it happened just as you say the response from SS seems disproportionate. A section 47 normally means the sw thinks the child is at risk of "significant harm" and is normally decided on in a strategy meeting. Even the lower Child in Need Assessment would be odd in this case.

Are you sure there's nothing else going on?

[Bluntness100]

I think that people are not reading the op correctly. Social services have already been to the flat and done their initial assessment.

They have now based on that visit/assess,ent decided to undertake a section 47 assessment, which includes unannounced visits in a 45 day period. A section 47 is they have deemed the child to either be suffering from or at risk of suffering from significant harm.

[Witchcraftandhokum]

Oh and you need to tell your safeguarding lead at work op

[Justaboy]

SS arent here to persecute a mum thats having an odd MH issue and just becase the event happened dosn't make you a bad mum, nope far from it.

Your poor old hubby did what most anyone would have done in trying to restrain you it must have been a bit of a shock to see this happen!

Poor old pc plod saw what looked like him beating you up and they didnt understand what was actually happening so thats why they are in a bit of a pickle and passed it onto SS as an arse protection measure.

Hopefuilly now thay may well be able to get you any HELP you require to help manage your illness, its nothing at all to be upset or ashamed of about, nothing at all:)

[Bluntness100]

I think people don’t understand what they are reading, are misreading it, and they don’t understand what a section 47 is, and how And why it comes about.

[CodenameVillanelle]

@bluntness a section 47 would be initiated before the first visit following a strategy discussion at the initial referral screening. Timescales for a section 47 assessment are shorter than 45 days. Not that I'm disagreeing with the substance of what you're saying, just clarifying. We can initiate a section 47 then end it with no further involvement if assessment shows it is not warranted.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Also - sorry I see the OP mentioned the 45 days, which is the maximum timescale to carry out a full assessment.

[Bluntness100]

They have already done the first assessment though. And it’s not been ended. She’s been told to expect unexpected visits over the next 45 days.

Section 45 is for risk of significant harm which can be neglect through to violence or both.

[Bluntness100]

Section 47, sorry.

Anyway I think we are likely saying the same thing.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Yep
We don't do separate assessments in my LA - no initial assessment just a full assessment and we don't get 45 days!

[conduitoffortune]

I'm a social worker and have to say I agree with what a PP has said. Based on what you have told us, a S47 investigation and single assessment seems really disproportionate. I know you're embarrassed by your current situation, but are you being honest about the reality of why SS have become involved?

NB - the social worker really, really won't care about a few unwashed dishes.

[PurpleFrames]

I'm more baffled by your husbands reaction thanSS. Who on earth would ring the police for a panic attack and think violent restraining would make the situation better 🙄

[Notashandyta]

I too just wanted to say as a teacher (primary, year 6) that my experiences have been exactly the same as OP's when it comes to pupils and families in my class involved with social services.

What a stressful time to have a baby, my heart goes out to you. Social services are there to help, please don't worry. They wont take your baby away. Hang in there, it will get easier.

As a side note I found one baby much harder than a class of thirty ten year olds... and that was without lockdown.

[MichonnesBBF]

I too can confirm my school also do not involve the teachers in any meetings or see any written reports, this is all done by the SLT, PSA And or our SENCO lead.

[Destroyedpeople]

And there are social workers who don't see past unwashed dishes I can assure you. But don't go mad on the housework.

[Yellowcakestand]

We were referred to SS by police after ex assaulted me/us. I spoke to them over the phone, they contacted HV and were ready to sign us off. They then had a malicious report phoned in so they had to investigate that. They were doing their job. They were so supportive to our situation and referred us on to services we needed.

[CodenameVillanelle]

May I respectfully suggest that the OP's account of the incident may not be exactly as the husband experienced it? And that the police may have had a third perspective entirely? They all did what they did in the moment for reasons that seemed right at the time. We can't know what actually happened. Downplaying it here would not be unexpected.

[slipperywhensparticus]

@PurpleFrames

I agree

[PatricksRum]

I don't think you're being truthful about your husband's actions OP.
I've had quite a few ss assessments, try not to worry unless your husband is actually violent but even then they wouldn't just remove your child.

[candle18]

If everything you have said here is accurate they will absolutely not take your baby away so try not to worry. Also, don’t be panicking about a tidy house, that’s not important. They won’t be involved all his life, probably for the next month or two then they will hopefully be satisfied that everything is fine.

[DontStandSoCloseToMe]

This does seem odd that it's gone to s.47 of this is the whole story? So he restrained you and your have visible neck injuries, what was the outcome of the initial assessment? If they've said your child is at risk of serious/significant harm, what was the context of that? I know professionally of situations where there have been convictions, numerous call outs and it is dismissed before a s 47. What's your history and that of your partner? Has your child displayed any issues?

[dollymoo]

I'm a social worker in Northern Ireland. I stated based on ops post it doesn't sound like an assessment would be warranted.

Unfortunately social services have not got the time or resources to do full assessments on every single incident the police attend. If a verbal altercation happens between anybody and police are called and a child is in the house then a referral comes through. Most times a simple phone call and safeguarding discussions with the family is all that is needed.

A full assessment is invasive to a family if not warranted, social services would need consent to contact mums Gp and other sources so deciding to do a full assessment before meeting the family is not proportionate. Very heavy handed. If dad did grab mine to protect her and she said and he freaked out and called the police then he was acting appropriately. We cannot assume every man is a domestic abuser.

Yes your right we have no full facts or background here so in my view based on the first post an assessment is not warranted. Plus if it's not child
Protection op can withdraw consent to an assessment if she wants to. It's only mandatory to comply if its child protection and children are to be put on the register, even then parents might not engage. And no we don't put people on the register or move to child protection just because they withdrawed consent to an assessment unless it's immediate child protection concerns, which it is not because dad is appropriate and present and he made the right move to contact the police for her safety.

[dollymoo]

To add to my comments before. If all is as it appears then mum would do much better with a referral to mental health services not long term social work support. This reinforces my point that a full assessment is not proportionate at this point if mum is willing to be referred and seek support in the mean time through the health visitor and GP.

[Franticallypaddling]

I would just say tread carefully. I am sure most social workers are fine but we had a horrendous experience as connected carers last year. Individual social workers seem to be able to make their own assessment based on nothing more than their own gut feel based on their own prejudice. Please don't panic but please please don't assume they are on your side.

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

If your husband had to phone 999 whilst restraining you, I can imagine that recorded phone call sounded very distressing and confusing, so yes the call handlers and the police would be worried for a baby.

And then when social care got this referral and looked at it, it would also present as worrying, even with your explanation. Of course they need to investigate if your baby was safe throughout this incident and to make sure he doesn’t witness this again or get caught in the cross fire. Concentrate all of your efforts to making sure that does not happen and you have sufficient support around you. Make a plan for what you and DH would do again if it got to that point and also plan for how you stop it getting to that point.