AIBU to feel so angry about the kid at school with a streaming cold?

[fircone]

I'm not cross with the kid - I felt sorry for her. But her mother came in yesterday with the poor child who obviously had a temperature - hot face, rheumy eyes - and said to the teacher, "Oh, she's a bit poorly - call me if she gets any worse" and then the child is there this morning with an absolutely streaming cold, crying and her mother says "She's got plenty of tissues" and waltzes out. I was puce with rage. How dare this woman leave a child who is clearly ill, and also inflict the germ on every other 4-year-old in the class?
Anyway, am I going round the bend because I'm thinking of writing a note to the headmistress to ask her to remind parents that school is not a suitable place for SICK children.

[hackedoff]

my kids have colds, but not bad enough to keep them off school. In fact I've caught their cold and am in work. You have to decide how bad the cold is. Working parents often are made to feel bad if they take time off work with their kids, so unless they are vomiting or have sky-high temps, you feel guilty about calling in sick.

[Pollyanna]

My children have colds for most of the winter, so I send them in. If they have a temperature or are obviously unwell I don't send them, but even in this case by day 3 or whatever of the cold I would send them in. germs are a fact of life at school (and anywhere really) ime.

[HonoriaGlossop]

Hulababy, I liked your post, the voice of reason as usual. Reminding us that school is not free childcare, but education and that can not really take place with a child who is sobbing cos they feel so ill!

Of course I do live on this planet and realise that school is also childcare that enables us to work but that's not the prime reason for it existing.

I wonder if this girl fircone has talked about has a dad? It does seem to me that sometimes it's mums who take the strain and never fall back on the dad taking time off. And before there are 100 posts saying "but my dh earns a trillion pounds a day and he can't take time off" I do know that for some dads it's hard, but for others it simply isn't as bad as all that and they COULD take advantage of parental leave/flexi hours IF they're available, but somehow the mum gets used to feeling this sort of issue is for her to sort out. Which is sad imo.

[Brangelina]

With many illnesses children are contagious in teh incubation period, before they start displaying symptoms, so possibly everyone would have been affected before this child turned up anyway.

I send my child to nursery with a cold, nursery call me if it develops into a fever over 38.5°, otherwise they just deal with it. She only stays at home for things like the pox and chronic D+V (as it not a one off).

[duchesse]

He's broken his arm in two places, alas, Scottishmummy. My sister is on her way to pick him up and take him to the big hospital as her local is only a minor injuries unit.

[ScottishMummy]

Oooo so sorry - how awful. make surethey triage him and get him seen quickly.

[contentiouscat]

Fireflyfairy "it's ok for the germs to be passed onto the children of SAHM's seeing as they wouldn't have to take time off for a sick child?"

I dont think I said that and its certainly not what I said but as a SAHM my children being ill inconveniences only me.

BUT as a SAHM if they had sickness, diarreah (sp)or a temperature I would keep them at home mainly because I would not want them to be unhappy at school (and Mummy looking after you when you are poorly is one of the things you remember when you are older) BUT I would also take into account that fact that by sending my sick child to school I would also spread infection and inconvenience other people.

You cannot keep them at home every time they have a bog standard cold, during winter they would never be at school.

[tortoiseSHELL]

For those people who say 'put the emergency childcare in place in case they're ill' - that's all very well, setting neighbours etc up to look after your sick children, but if that's an argument against sending children with a cold into school to avoid spreading germs, are you saying it's ok to give germs to your kind neighbours?

I for one found it VERY stressful when I was still going into a workplace and the children were ill - was very difficult to manage, and I had to take time off. As I was teaching piano in a school, I then got complaints from parents that their children hadn't had their piano lessons. Now I wouldn't have been paid for those lessons, and they wouldn't have been charged, but in a way they're right that the continuity was broken. However nothing I could do, which is why I stopped working outside the home (I still teach privately though). If I'd kept them off everytime they had a cold then I'd have never been in, especially when ds1 was in reception.

My parents were the king and queen of 'oh just get on with it, you're not really ill.' They sent me to primary school with German Measles (it's just heat rash they said) - the school nurse took one look and packed me off to the GP. And when I broke my arm in the 6th form they didn't take me to the hospital, they said I had a 'low pain threshold'. I played the organ for 3 chapel services, a concert, and a piano concert before going for an xray and discovering it was actually broken...my parents have had a lot of payback for that!!!!!

[tortoiseSHELL]

duchesse, hope he feels a bit more comfortable soon, poor little soul.

[madamez]

You know, the colds issue divides adults as well - are you the sort of person who crawls into work barking and snotting and slobbering over everyone else (and gets slated for spreading germs) or the sort who curls up indoors with a Lemsip and a good book - or indeed the Viz cure-for-everything of a Lemsip and a wank - till it's gone (and gets slated for being a lazy lead-swinging hypochondriac)?
As Brangelina sensibly pointed out, most childhood illnesses are at their most infectious in the incubation period anyway, so kids can be busily infecting all their little playmates before anyone knows there's anything wrong. This is just another of those many aspects of parenting whereupon, no matter what you do, someone will be wagging a finger at you and suggesting that you are a Bad Parent with that worst of all failings - you are Selfish.

[lucyellensmum]

madamez - OMG!!!! i have tummy ache now, thankyou very much - lemsip and a wank PMSL, oh it hurts LEM says in quiet voice before leaving the room quietly, it works

[fireflyfairy2]

cc

I knew exactly what you meant... I am a SAHM myself.


Although when I go back to uni I am more a student & part time mums

My c/minder encourages me to send my ds to her whether he is ill or not [which I don't as when he is ill he wants me!] She often says she is a mum herself & wprked out of the home before she had her own children so knows what it's like.

I don't know anyone in this area who sees school as free childcare though.

[Rhubarb]

Well both me and dh work. He works full time and is the breadwinner, I'm a LSA. We don't live near any family or friends and have had this problem with after school care, having to pay a fortune for dd to be looked after for half an hour because we don't know anyone, and I mean anyone, to take her in for that time.

If either of them are ill, that means that either dh or I have to take that time off work. Obviously we would do this, well I would do this as I'm the part-timer, if they were really ill. But that means the team I work for have to rally round to provide cover for the children I am working with. So I have to decide very carefully if it's worth sending them in or not. If they are vomiting, have diarrhoea or a high temp then they are too ill. But anything less I assume the school would call if it worsened.

Most schools are over-cautious when it comes to illnesses and would phone home if they felt the child was too ill to stay.

It's all very well for posters to say that you should have contingency plans for when they are ill, some of us unfortunately, simply cannot.

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

Rhubs my love you have saved me a post.

[duchesse]

My poor little nephew is having to have the arm reset under GA, and has been kept in hospital overnight. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though, and he's running around and playing on the ward.

My niece is being looked after overnight by the mother of a little friend at nursery. My sister now feels very indebted to this kind lady, who looked after the little girl once for two days while my nephew was in hospital after a bad asthma attack. With no-one (apart from this lovely lady, it seems) in the immediate vicinity to fall back on in an emergency, her work-life balance is continually on a knife-edge. So you can bet your bottom dollar that my nephew and niece sometimes go to school sick.

It just adds a huge layer of stress, but the alternative for her is not to work, and to live (badly) courtesy of the state, which she is not prepared to do.

[Reallytired]

If I kept my son off school every time he had a snotty nose then he would get no education. I think that a snotty child who is otherwise happy should be sent to school.

The common cold is not a killer disease unless you have major problems with your immune system.

If the child has a temperature or is vomitting it is a different matter. It is important the child should be able to participate in the school activites without needed additonal help because they are ill.

Allowing a child to have a day off everytime they sneeze is unreasonable.

[chipmonkey]

I really think parents should have the right to time off work if a child is sick. I remember ds1 coming home saying that one of his friends was lying down ill at the back of the classroom all day as "his mum would get fired" if she took time off to look after him. We have MIL as a somewhat unreliable back up.

[nooka]

Sounds like my mother - except she didn't gie us anything! I was sent to school twice with tonsilitis because she thought I was making a fuss!

[sheepgomeep]

'It's surely part of the responsibility of being a working parent is that you attempt to put these things in place so that you don't have to send an infectious and upset child in.'

So what happens then if you are a single parent (as I was) and you have to work or you go under. I worked to pay my mortgage that exp refused to pay. I had no oother childcare in place

I also got a diciplinary once for taking too much time off work because of my sick children. Apparantly once or twice was ok but according to sainsbury's 'I was taking the piss'

Not everyone who has to work for financial reasons is lucky enough to have other childcare in place in case your child is ill

[sheepgomeep]

ah x posted with rhubarb

[Dinosaur]

Haven't read all the thread, but I wouldn't keep mine off for just a cold.

[Nightynight]

my mother used to send us to school with streamng colds, and everyone else I knew had days off.
It was horrible - our hankies were sodden by lunchtime, our throats were on fire, my nose would be bright red.
I keep my own children off when they have colds.

[duchesse]

My mother would send us to school with almost anything, saying that it was warmer at school than at home (true, but was that the real reason???). I can remember sitting through entire days just trying to survive. As I was prone to bronchitis (see above- cold damp old house) I must have spent most of my first three winters at secondary school in an uncomprehending fug of fever and cough.

With my own children and colds, I usually send them with the proviso that if they feel too ill, they should ask for school to summon me. I have only very rarely had to go and pick one up.

I usually however let my son stay at home for a few days for any bad cold in October, as he has a tendency to go to bronchitis for the rest of the Autumn term otherwise- believe me, six weeks of bronchitis is not nearly as much fun as it sounds! I do not however think this is due to people sending their children in with colds, merely to his propensity to run to bronchitis when he has a cold at that time of the year. I don't expect other people to keep their child with a cold at home just to prevent my son from getting bronchitis from something that most healthy people throw off in a few days.