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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that women will never have equality until they stop seeing men as walking wallets?

55 replies

mytwopenceworth · 16/09/2007 10:53

This made me wonder...song on the radio

"Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money"

Bopping away, it suddenly struck me.

How true.

For a man to be desired, he must be solvent. He must buy her things, must pay for everything.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not every woman..not well, er, me for example. I've never cared (and a good job too, as things turned out!) but it seems all around me..so very many women (especially young women) expect to be paid for and have a 'what have you done for me lately' attitude.

It's not very nice, is it? A man's worth is surely not determined by the gifts you get or how fat his wallet is and what proportion of that he spends on you....??

OP posts:
hatwoman · 16/09/2007 12:00

for some strange reason I found myself looking at the Economist's lonely hearts this morning. this one made me chuckle. "Gold Digger wanted: 40 year old city gent seeks 22 year old. Must like champagne and have feminine dress sense."

It clearly works both ways...

Pruners · 16/09/2007 12:00

Message withdrawn

hatwoman · 16/09/2007 12:01

Fairy - seeing Chantelle on BB declare waggery as her ambition made me want to weep. But BB contestants are not representative (I hope...)

Skribble · 16/09/2007 12:02

If I only wanted money I wouldn't have fell for a man with a salery of £7500 (at the time), unfortunatly I brought up the kids and he progressed career wise, so he earns the money I have to try and get back into work.

So for me its not about expecting money. Wish I got some gifts though . As it is its all about paying bills and stuff, the little money I earn part of that goes on my personal spending, not money from him.

CountessScabula · 16/09/2007 12:05

Well isn't it just more of a matter of money can = power (in the wrong hands) in the balance of a relationship so if you want equality you have to either be with someone who doesn't use money as power or earn the same as them and contribute equally to the bills. No matter if the man or the woman earns more or is SAHM/D, if the person with the money uses it to control the other person then that it the pits. If instead they see the value in what the other person does and shares equally with no barbs then no prob

CountessScabula · 16/09/2007 12:06

(incidentally both dh and I were as poor as church mice when we met)

WideWebWitch · 16/09/2007 12:07

agree cd. dh earns less than me but it doesn't affect the power balance (I have it all regardless! No, I'm joking)

Paddington64 · 16/09/2007 12:22

Money certainly had no influence on my choice of man! He had none then and not much now. Money doesn't matter, not sure I'd know what to do with it if I had any! I'm poor but healthy and have 3 healthy gorgeous daughters! I need nothing more!

berolina · 16/09/2007 12:29

My parents attempted (with months of emotional blackmail, threatened culminating in actual cutting off) to make me leave dh, partly because they did not think he would be able to support me - he was a student at the time and in Germany people do study for years. Anyway, I did spend several years as sole earner, including when ds was very small, and I did, tbh, find it difficult - because I was not ecstatic with the content of my job (it was extremely flexible, family friendly and quite well-paid, though), but mostly because I longed to be a SAHM. As it was, I spent those three years being a hotchpotch of WOHM and SAHM (huge piles of work at some times, almost none at others) and getting very stressed. And it did introduce an element of resentment into our relationship, I'm afraid. I did have the very occasional 'my parents were right' moment, but I did not think they were right about dh per se or about the way they went about trying to split us up, rather about the importance of the financial support issue, which I did underestimate when I married him as a 23-year-old student. But at no point did I actually regret being with him. Since the spring we've each been earning about half the family income, effectively both PT, and I'm much happier with that (and will be having a year off once dc2 finally puts in an appearance ).

Importantly, he was (almost) always fab with ds and the domestic stuff. And he did work towards being able to help support us (he now has very good academic funding).

2shoes · 16/09/2007 12:30

omg
just read the op
that is a good charlotte song not a message from your mp

Pruners · 16/09/2007 12:36

Message withdrawn

Pruners · 16/09/2007 12:37

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 16/09/2007 12:45

You may as well make the sweeping generalisation that for a woman to be desired she must have yoyo knickers and resemble a blow up doll.

What a load of bollocks rubbish.

chocchipcookie · 16/09/2007 13:02

Not a load of rubbish at all. They did a study here in the US recently which was widely reported showing women photos of men with their occupations and asking them to rate how physically attractive they were. When they said the man was a doctor he rated more PHYSICALLY attractive than when they said he had a low-paid job.

TiramisuTartsandPiesInOrbit · 16/09/2007 13:13

Actually, thinking about it.

YES. But I would rephrase it and make it NOT a generalizing and sweeping statement.

A woman who looks at a mans wallet (whether ONLY or FIRST) when chosing a life partner will never get equality as she does so because she has realized she will never have sufficient earning potensial herself.

Or does this sound, erm. whats the word. Harsh? But there is nothing wrong with doing so. Needs must, and all.

edam · 16/09/2007 13:14

Chocchip, I experienced that for myself. On a press trip to Bosnia, this Sea King pilot showed us round his, um, chopper. He was gorgeous. Then when I was back in the UK the photographer showed me the photos. Mr Sea King turned out to be fairly nondescript and, tbh, a little bit runty. Amazing what an RAF uniform and a very impressive helicopter can do!

EscapeFrom · 16/09/2007 13:16

Much like men who like women with blonde hair and big tits, which can disguise even the most glaring of personality deficiancies.

Lauriefairycake · 16/09/2007 14:43

I never looked at the size of his wallet - it was his dick I was interested in

Nightynight · 16/09/2007 15:14

I have never seen a man as a walking wallet. But this is probably a result of my life experience: father and husband who never earned more than we would have got on benefits.

My mother wanted me to choose a walking wallet for a husband, as well.

edam · 16/09/2007 15:44

Hmm, I've got big tits and never found it's covered my personality deficiencies. Gets a lot of the wrong sort of attention from passing white van men, though. Maybe having dark hair is where I went wrong...

Pruners · 16/09/2007 15:55

Message withdrawn

lucyellensmum · 16/09/2007 16:54

christ mytwopenceworth, are there really still women out there like that? I cant stand that attitude and i still have a problem with DP paying for me and we have lived together for ten years. Of course, if there are still men out there stupid enough to do it............

Not sure when the tits came into the equation, but i have always been, well, blessed in that department, ive never bagged me a rich man.......what WAS i doing wrong? And another thing, where's Xenia, is she ill?

lucyellensmum · 16/09/2007 17:02

i have to say, and im mortified and embarassed to admit this. We have always struggled with money, particularly so the past couple of years. Sometimes i look at other mothers, who i know aren't as qualified as i am, some are SAHM (as i am) who have never really had well paid jobs and i can tell they look down on me, because my lack of money shows!! I often wonder, hmmm, if i had married a higher earner, i wonder if my life would have been easier/happier/better. Then i look back on my relationship with DP, we did not have a pot to piss in when we met, i was a single parent and he sold second hand cars on the side of the road (no really). We have both since done the college thing and he is now trying to establish a building business after ten years of working for other builders for a meagre wage (well average wage, so not really complaining). My point being tis, now we have mortgage, car to pay for, visa bills etc etc, its a bloody struggle, but we do it because it is what you do. We were so much happier when we were living in rented accomodation, on benefits (well i was before he moved in - he was living with his parents and lived miles away) and all we ever did was take our dog for a walk, freezing cold beaches, muddy woods, thats all we did, that and dream about a more prosperous future. Yes, we were much happier then.

NappiesGalore · 16/09/2007 17:57

im sure there are those who see us; dp 16yrs my senior and earning waaaay more than i ever had a hope of doing, who think we have a sugar daddy type relationship.

i couldnt give a rats arse really. i happen to know its his tongue i fell for. [innocent]

JustTonks · 16/09/2007 19:57

at NG