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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Perspective needed for a niggling thought

27 replies

Earlybird · 14/09/2007 16:42

I suspect I am being unreasonable, but would like some perspective from you lot please:

About a year ago, an ex-business associate (with whom I have a casual friendship) moved to town. He asked for some business recommendations, which I provided. Based on my recommendation, he hired one of my good friends (Anna - not her real name) to do a great deal of work for him. Their work/business relationship is ongoing, with one or two more very large projects on the horizon. The very large projects would take a couple of years of steady work to complete.

I went out for dinner with Anna a few months ago, and she was thrilled to share the news that the past year has financially been the best ever for her business (by a good margin). She acknowledged that what made the difference was the client I sent her way, and thanked me. I am thrilled that I could put the two of them together, and happy that their collaboration is proving so successful.

I have recently received a bill from Anna for a day's work she did for me in the spring (she said she's been too busy to do her smaller invoices 'til now). Somehow I have this niggling thought that the bill should have been waived and/or reduced as it is really very minor in the overall picture of the money she is now making.

So - what say you? Is Anna being unreasonable or am I? And if it matters, I have paid the bill and would never say anything to Anna either way.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 14/09/2007 16:50

I would say the amount of money she is making now is completely irrelevant, if she did some work for you that she would normally charge for, she should charge as usual.
I would think buying you a pressie or something to say thank you for introducing her to the client wouldn't go amiss though.

Another thought, she may be making buckets now, but that may change, and she may regret letting small invoices go if the pennies are pinching later on.

madamez · 14/09/2007 16:51

I appreciate that it would niggle at you because it would niggle at me, too.Thing is, peole do have different perspectives on where the line gets drawn between business and friendship, without necessarily being mean or selfish about it, it's just the way they operate. But unless you'd agreed 'mates rates' or have been in the habit of trading favours rather than cash with each other, I think you'll just have to let it go. But I hope she paid for your dinner
Mind you, she probably will do you a similar favour if she has the opportunity in the future...

Original poster
Earlybird · 14/09/2007 17:02

flowerybb - believe me, the amount I paid her will make no difference to her life or her business. This is a single woman with her own successful/established company who drives a new model top of the line sports car, recently converted one of the bedrooms in her flat to a wardrobe room to accomodate her clothes/shoes/bags, takes wonderful/expensive holidays etc. She's great at her work, and is deservedly very well compensated.

I paid her about what a handbag costs - a reasonably expensive handbag that is.

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 14/09/2007 17:02

To be fair to Anna, if she has done WORK for you, you should be charged for it. If she had done a FAVOUR for you, then you shouldn't.

She is right in keeping a professional attitude in this.

WideWebWitch · 14/09/2007 17:04

You are BU imo. She did some work and if you didn't agree it would be free then you should pay up. If I was Anna I wouldn't have charged you though, but that's me.

Boco · 14/09/2007 17:08

This is a tricky one.
I'm self employed - and alot of my work has come word of mouth from friends. The last couple of things i did were for partners of friends - they may be babysitting my children, or having us round for dinner or giving me a lift to the supermarket or i may be listening to their private problems etc - but the work i do is work and i have to charge them the same as i would someone i wasnt' friends with or there would be no point. I recently got into a a bit of a mess not feeling like i could charge someone for something - and have done about 20 hours of work for free. I think you need to be very clear in business and keep friendship as unrelated to the transaction really.

FlossALump · 14/09/2007 17:12

What would upset me is the length of time it has taken her to invoice you. I guess as you hadn't received one you thought she had let it go? Personally I'd have asked about it before now!

flowerybeanbag · 14/09/2007 17:12

fair enough about her definitely having plenty of money and not needing to save pennies in case of harder times etc!
However still right of her to charge you.
If she is a good friend did she arrange mates' rates or just charge you normal rate? And did you discuss it at the time?

flowerybeanbag · 14/09/2007 17:14

I wouldn't have charged by the way. I would be a millionaire (well..) if I charged all my friends, aquaintances, friends of friends, who I do work for.

Original poster
Earlybird · 14/09/2007 17:15

I don't think that sending Anna a very big account should entitle me to free services. But, the thought keeps occuring that it would have been nice for her to say something like 'Look, as a thank you for the referral I'm not going to charge you for the day's work.' Or something like that....because he is a client that has pushed her business to a new level.

In my past professional life, it was standard that a 'middle man' would receive compensation (one time payment or a very small percentage) for facilitating an introduction that resulted in a 'deal'. I suspect that is why this situation niggles me.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 14/09/2007 17:35

yabu, you have no friends in business.

chocchipcookie · 14/09/2007 19:33

YANBU. Business is about relationships - as my late Dad used to put it, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours... You gave her a big contact and she should waive the small bill. Totally normal.
Sounds like she is penny wise, pound foolish because if it were me I wouldn't send anyone else her way!

Carmenere · 14/09/2007 19:36

Who paid for dinner? She should have and if she did, well then yabu but if she didn't then you yanbu.

Original poster
Earlybird · 14/09/2007 19:47

She paid for dinner, but we have a tradition of taking each other out for a meal to celebrate birthdays....and it was mine. So, it wasn't a 'thank you for the referral' evening.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 14/09/2007 19:57

ouch.
think it would niggle me too.
and chocchipcookie makes a good point.

everyone else is right, that you ABU to expect it (no, i know you dont as such), but if i were Anna, i never would have sent you that bill, esp so long after the fact. i think thtas a bit cold tbh. esp if you are the sorts of friends who take each other out for birthday dinners etc. OTOH, if you are those sorts of frineds, i (if i were anna) would expect you to say something - even half jokingly - if you felt uneasy about anything id done...

boco makes a fine point too, about lines and (not) knowing where to draw them etc...

no clear answer to your q, im afraid

miobombino · 14/09/2007 20:06

Tbh if I'd been Anna I'd have been more prompt in sending you the invoice; yes I'd have sent it, to keep the personal/business line on the page as it were. BUT I'd also have acknowledged your business intro big time by perhaps very clearly and effusively charging half or a third of the true cost by way of a thank you. Or paid for you to go on a spa day or something. By a good handbag I take it you're talking about a few hundred pounds ?

chocchipcookie · 14/09/2007 20:07

I agree, NG. I think I would say something. Not sure what!

LaBoheme · 14/09/2007 20:12

I don't think yabu; if I were her I would have let it go, totally, should have been a kind on unwritten rule between friends. It would piss me right off and I would be extremely miffed at her.
My opinion

Original poster
Earlybird · 14/09/2007 20:15

As I said before, Anna is very good at her job, and her hourly rate is £90 per hour or a % of overall budget.

To give you and idea, she has cleared a good bit more than 6 figures already this year (and it's only Sept, obviously) from the client I sent her way....

OP posts:
Original poster
Earlybird · 14/09/2007 20:16

an idea

OP posts:
michymama · 14/09/2007 20:16

I can understand why ur peeved but business is business, although I wouldn't have charged you.

LadyMacbeth · 14/09/2007 20:25

YANBU... but it's a tricky one. If she want to keep your relationship strictly ballroom when it suits her I would personally question it. I have a friend like this who I once worked for, it didn't do much for the friendship and while it has since healed I wouldn't work for a friend again.

Still it sounds as if his occasion just arose and you were right to want to help out a friend!

I hate certain people's hard line approach when it comes to business and money - I feel it's important to network effectively and favours are a part of creating good relationships.

LoveMyGirls · 14/09/2007 20:31

Could you ask her to do you a favour similar to the favour you have done her, if the opportuinity arises, then you are quits?

NappiesGalore · 14/09/2007 21:51

if i were her tho, id be v grateful, but would kind of expect a good friend to make that intro if it had come up and been obvious... it would possibly have been a bit off for you not to have made the intro, given you knew them both, knew one wanted what the other could provide etc...

and i wouldnt expect you to have done it to get something in return.

but i still say theres no way i would have billed you. maybe straight after the work and before/early days of the intro... but all that time later? and given all the extra revenue? a bit odd imo.

but i do think you need to at least joke about it, if you can. it will fester in you if you dont say anything at all!

MerlinsBeard · 14/09/2007 21:52

she did some work and you should pay end of.

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