To be really fuming right now

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

I don’t even know where to start... DP’s nephew (so DPN) lives with us, DP’s dad (with COPD) and our 20mo twins. So far despite some obvious lock-in tension we’ve all been doing quite well to stay indoors, with the exception of occasionally shopping for essentials and DP working as he is a key worker. This morning DPN gets a message from his mother (who lives in the West Country) saying DPN’s dad has decided to leave her house and come jaunting down to London. So of course, DPN decides to go and see him. I was surprised to say the least, he said he would wear gloves and a mask and keep 2m distance the whole time which even then I thought was taking too much of a risk and is quite frankly at this time not essential so not legal. Anyway, five hours later, he’s still out, DP sends him a message saying where are you, DPN has gone to his Dad’s friend’s flat to hang out. WTF?? I’m ranting, I feel helpless and angry. I don’t even know why I’m posting as what advice could anybody possibly give but should I calm down?? I’m not even going to go into the reasons why I don’t like DPN’s dad at the best of times but safe to say he won’t be bothered right now about any laws he’s breaking, lockdown or not.

[Fairenuff]

Well he can't come back because of FIL's COPD so that's not even an option.

[CalleighDoodle]

People with copd should be shielding for twelve weeks.

Dn cannot come home now. Your dh needs to phone him and tell him it is too dangerous and he needs to go home with his df.

[Throckmorton]

Not everyone with COPD has been advised to shield, but even if FIL isn't in the shielding category, his COPD makes him more vulnerable to covid.

[Needtheadvice]

I dare say you need to have a serious conversation with DH and FIL about what DPN actions means for him staying with you all in London. Considering his age (he is an adult), he probably will need to look at going back with his dad as he knew full well that what he has done is not OK and could cause severe consequences.

[Nanny0gg]

If he does come home, his shoes stay outside, his clothes go straight in the wash and he goes straight in the shower.

He then stays isolated for however long - 7 days?

Or he can piss off to his father.

[AntiHop]

I wouldn't let him back in.

[Mawbags]

No.
Your husband needs to send him away now.

This isn’t the time to be dealing with a flaky manchild

[Quickquestion2020]

What have your DP and his dad said about it? Its disgraceful. I'd lock the door and not let him in, DP too if he disagrees. Stuff them. Failing that, take two weeks of food from the kitchen and isolate yourself in your room for 2 weeks. Tell DP he can sleep on the sofa and clean everything before you touch it and dont go in a room with any of them. It's not just old people getting ill and dying, you need to protect yourself for your childrens sake.

[THEDEACON]

I would be LIVID if he came back to my home he would be quarantined not allowed out of his room style for 14 days but I would struggle tolet him back in tbh

[Ilovemypantry]

If I were in your situation there is no way I would let DPN come back into the house, it’s too risky. He’s deliberately gone against your wishes and government guidelines on this and unless he’s absolutely stupid he knows the risks he has taken. Phone or text him saying not to come home and either stay wherever his dad is staying or go to his mum’s.
There can be no compromises with this, it’s too dangerous.

[Ilovemypantry]

OP, please come back and let us know the outcome

[Josette77]

He stays at him mums. He's old enough to know better.

[MuthaFunka61]

I'm with the other posters who say that as an adult he's made a decision to go against your wishes and Gov't directives.

Definitely get together with DP & FIL and come to a joint decision about what the logical consequences of this are and how the decision is to be implemented. You need a united front in dealing with this.

Please let us know how it goes.
G'luck

[ragged]

If you don't let nephew back in, where is he going to go?
I can't agree with making somebody homeless.
How ARE the homeless social distancing?

[Cagedbirdsinging]

My DS and his GF pitched up at my house just before lockdown . I'm in the vulnerable cohort so put them into quarantine immediately . I had thought long and hard about letting them stay in the first place .
Six days of strict no-contact and a LOT of extra work and worry on my part later they decided to fuck off back to the city .
I'm still furious ....and I'm not letting them back in .

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Dads been "away" for a few years? Prison?

Explains why he doesnt give a shit. DPN really shouldnt be going to his if he is this much of a bad influence, does Dad live with DPN mum?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

How ARE the homeless social distancing?

In Europe they are the ones getting most of the fines for being out on the streets.......

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

No change yet, DPN is still ‘chilling out’ with dad and friend. When DP contacted him, he told him he had no choice but to go there as I wasn’t happy about his dad coming into the house. That made me feel guilty then angry. @PyongyangKipperbang spot on. He does live with the mum but feels ‘trapped’ there and prior to lockdown would regularly go roaming. In my infinite stupidity I a) didn’t think he would do that at a time like this and b) didn’t think that DPN would break any laws or push boundaries to go and see him. DP has said in a text that he wants DPN to leave his shoes at the door, strip down, shower then self isolate for 7 days in his room.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

@Cagedbirdsinging that’s definitely the right call. I bet you feel betrayed as well.

[Mummy0ftwo12]

COPD is awful if there is a cold/flu virus involved.

[willloman]

Phone your GP or 111 and get them to talk to DP father to not allow nephew back in. Maybe they can scar some sense into him.

[Devlesko]

Well, he can't come back now, can he. What an idiot, he'll have to find somewhere else.
Not your problem OP, just make sure you protect the vulnerable and that's not dpn.
Call him and tell him to go to his dads.

[Devlesko]

So your DP is also willing to risk people's lives.
God bless the weak person, they'll need it, what moronds, including your dp.

[Wewearpinkonwednesdays]

Well that was very stupid of him, and he's being very selfish to take that risk especially with his grandfathers COPD, but he is not breaking any laws.

[JudyCoolibar]

Your husband really cannot put his soft spot for his nephew above his father's life. It's as stark as that: which is worse, his nephew having to fend for himself as a result of a stupid decision he chose to make, or his father dying?