My toddler broke an item whilst in the care of my mother: who should pay?

[Voodoocowgirl]

I was recently on holidays with my mother, my three children, my partner and some other family members. We were having lunch at a café in a nursery that has a large area full of garden decorations and other items for sale.

My mother offered to take my 2 year old for a walk in the nursery so that I could eat my lunch in peace. She took him for about 20 minutes, we all finished eating, and then when we were all leaving my mother mentioned that my son had picked up a decorative drum while she had her back turned, took off with it and dropped it on the concrete, causing a scratch. She said the cashier asked her to pay for it, which she did. It was $200!!

I live in Australia, and the law is very clear that if you break something accidentally in a store, you are NOT legally obligated to purchase it. I was well out of sight and over 30 metres away when it occurred, and was unaware of what had happened. My mother is now very unhappy and wants me to pay for the drum. I have told her that I will pay for the drum (which is useless to me) just to keep the peace, but I'm annoyed about the situation.

WWYD?

Oh and make this a lesson to you to stop, think and become more assertive. If you can do this 200 dollars isn’t too bad a price.

Op is in AUS folks. Australian dollars. The drum cost £100.

To further complicate matters, we were holidaying interstate and will not be returning physically to the state or the store any time soon.

The law, as I understand it, is that the store owner cannot compel you to pay, however once they have asked you to pay (invitation to treat) and you agree, a contract is formed and you are THEN obligated to follow through.

Pay for it and give it to her for next Christmas or birthday!

I'd say this is a sign she's not a great babysitter tbh - not paying full attention or talking full responsibility.

For those in the UK you do not have to pay for any breakages in a shop, even though you often see signs saying otherwise. If goods are on display then there is a reasonable expectation that they will be picked up and examined by customers. As a previous PP said that's what a shop has insurance for. If you go to a larger shop or one with several branches those signs are never seen. It tends to be shops that are owned by individuals that have the "breakages must be paid for"signs.

I don't agree with the posters who say 'your child, your responsibility' in normal situations because he was in her care so she should automatically assume responsibility, but on this occasion she was doing you a favour so you could eat 'in peace'.

She took on an expense she wasn’t obliged to without consultation, so you aren’t obliged, morally or legally, to reimburse her. But, since she was doing you a favour, if it wasn’t unaffordable I would be inclined to pay, grudgingly, and tell her that I wouldn’t do it next time.

Your mum was supervising (poorly) and she should pay.

I think your toddler oews her. Let her know, with his very frst pay cheque he'll pay her back.

@GiveHerHellFromUs I don't really think it's relevant why my mother offered to watch him? The point is, she assumed responsibility for him.

@Voodoocowgirl why bother asking if you're being unreasonable then?

£100 for a drum?? Fuck that.

@Squigean I just ran the idea by him, and I think he's on board!

@GiveHerHellFromUs just interested in other people's opinions.
I wanted to know what others would do in this situation/what you think is fair.

Your mother is responsible. He was in her care! That said, I think you should call the owners of the shop and complain and insist on a refund.

I'm going against the grain. If a child breaks something whilst not properly supervised, regardless of signs, you or your mother should pay. If yr mother genuinely wasn't looking then ahe shd pay providing your ds is usually well behaved and is being brought up generally with firm boundaries. For example, saying sorry to the shop owner and your mother. Being taught aus$200 is a lot of money and losing a couple of small treats.

The punishment for you however is that your ds now has a drum to play with. My mum bought ds one, ooh about 22/23 years ago - only a cheap one. It had to be broken - you will pay for this op, one way or another.

Are there other branches of the shop where you are now? Get the receipt off your DM, and just return it to a different store for a refund. Say it's faulty as you found a scratch on it.

So, looking after your child includes insurance for all possible damage?
I cant imagine asking someone else to pay.You could have refused her offer of looking after YOUR child.

@Regretsandregrets I would have the same opinion as you if she was supervising him adequately, which she wasn't (stated by her).
I DID NOT ask her to pay. She paid, then asked me for the money.
As for refusing her offer of looking after my child, we were on holidays, she doesn't get to see him often and she was really excited about spending time with him. I assumed I wouldn't have to specifically request that she didn't leave him unattended in a shop full of breakable and potentially dangerous things, because to me that's simply common sense.

@InMySpareTime unfortunately not. At this point I'll have to chalk it up to an expensive learning experience.

FWIW, I have cared for other people's children multiple times when they have broken or misused my own children's belongings and I would never consider asking their parents to pay, because I was the person responsible for the children. If it was done maliciously or deliberately by a child who has the faculties to know better, it would be a different story.

Drums and 2 year olds are a mix straight from hell! Lol. I'd leave drum with your mum and make sure dc plays it every time he visits - loudly. For hours! While ypu go for a lovely peaceful day out. I'd also suggest adding a couple of other instruments into the mix. Flutes and small children are really really annoying. But I'm a very vengeful person.

I'd pay for the drum to keep the peace but I wouldn't be happy about it

Give her the drum as her Christmas present.

I think in principle you’re right. If this was me, I’d have offered to pay though just because I wouldn’t want my Mum to be out of pocket for trying to help me out. My Mum would have insisted on paying though, and we’d have probably gone halves in the end. However was thinking say this was on a trip out with the childminder (well I’d hope they wouldn’t go somewhere with breakable items but as an example), and my toddler damaged something- I’d expect them to pay no question. So I think you’re right in theory, it’s more to do with your relationship with your Mum. And to be fair on how well off the two of you are.

Give her the drum as her Christmas present.

What can I say? That’s her Christmas present sorted

she told me herself that she had turned her back on him

He's 2. You do NOT turn your back on a 2-y-o! She's lucky that only a drum got scratched.

Oh well, every time she insists on taking him to give you a 20 min break ‘Sorry mum but $600 per hour childminder fees are out of my price range.......’