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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be getting really fed up with....

49 replies

meowmix · 03/09/2007 14:41

girls who work for me calling in in tears and asking to take days off because of fights with their boyfriends? these are boyfriends not husbands, no kids, average age 22/23/24, generally short term relns anyway. yes some of them end up splitting up but tbh I don't remember ever having the nerve to ask for a day off because of a breakup.

only I am getting fed up. really fed up.

and if AIBU then what is the sliding scale of boss compassion in your view?

OP posts:

Original poster

meowmix · 04/09/2007 07:49

to be clear I don't give them any rope on it but was beginning to think it was me out of line and not them!

I employ a lot of youngish women and it seems to be dumping season out here. My PA (who is certifiable, ie sees spirits/ghosts over my shoulder at times) has just asked for 2 weeks unpaid leave to 'grieve for her lost love". She'd been with him for 4 months.

I have said no, get a grip and now everyone's looking daggers at me. Can't win!

OP posts:

MyTwopenceworth · 04/09/2007 07:56

Ok, it's sad when you split, but ... 'grieve for her lost love'? 4 months? Bloody hell. What are these people on. 100% YANBU. In fact, it would not be unreasonable to give them a big kick up the arse.

I'd certainly be giving them a few examples of what an actual problem is.

mummydoit · 04/09/2007 08:07

Good god, what planet are these girls on? When my DH was diagnosed with incurable cancer in February, he was back at work the next day, getting on with life. He has continued to work throughout chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I think being told you have an incurable illness is a tad more upsetting than splitting up with a bloke you've been seeing for four months. Just as well I'm not in your position. I'm afraid I would have zero tolerance and zero restraint in what I would say to them.

lizziemun · 04/09/2007 08:13

My mum didn't even take two weeks of work when she split from my dad after 25years of marriage.

I would have said if you take two weeks off then you lose two weeks pay.

FlossALump · 04/09/2007 08:19

Where do you live? Lots of lovelorn girls!!

speedymama · 04/09/2007 08:22

I am ROFLMHO at this. YANBU.

I know someone who employs mainly young girls in her business. The newest member has been there 4 months and she has had 20 days sick already. Excuse? Boyfriend problems

bozza · 04/09/2007 08:24

But she is asking for two weeks unpaid leave anyway. I assume she must live at home. When I was that age two weeks unpaid leave would have had a serious effect on my bill paying.

StealthPolarBear · 04/09/2007 08:32

The only excuse I can think of is that if you've been living together you might need some time off to sort out the practicalities of splitting up. But even then you'd say "DO you mind if I take some unpaid leave / leave early and make the time up? I have to house hunt" not grieving for your lost love.

StealthPolarBear · 04/09/2007 08:33

Do these women take time off to grieve if they give up chocolate for Lent?

Dottydot · 04/09/2007 08:34

2 WEEKS??!!! Flipping heck - I remember taking the odd day off to recover from heartache/hangovers (usually one went with the other), but 2 weeks...

Original poster

meowmix · 04/09/2007 08:35

i know its just bewildering. TBH it wouldn't occur to me to tell my boss even half the stuff I get told, let alone try to use personal reasons to get out of work. But then I'm quite extreme (and famous for doing a conference call during labour, only because DS arrived early and I hadn't handed over!)

so glad for MN - I really was beginning to think I was out of sync with the rest of the world!!

OP posts:

Original poster

meowmix · 04/09/2007 08:38

also worth explaining that am working in the middle east and its an expat workforce so you do end up being a bit more Mum than boss at times.

still... ffs!

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 04/09/2007 08:53

show them this thread MM
when i think of how i have dragged my sorry arse into work when my whole life has been falling apart this sort of thing makes me so cross
i think they need to get a bit of a sense of proportion

ScottishMummy · 04/09/2007 09:00

tell her to get-a-bleeding-grip in the scheme of things she sounds wackado so much time off OMG

flowerybeanbag · 04/09/2007 09:03

meowmix I am interested in why it would even occur to someone to ask for 2weeks off for something like that, paid or unpaid.
Is the work ethic, working culture over there such that it's not that ?
I'm not at all suggesting you have created that culture among your team, but I am interested if it's different where you are?

Jamantha · 04/09/2007 09:15

WTF? I admit Ihave sat and cried at work a couple of times after particularly bad rows with DH, and my boss was sympathetic, gave me some tissues, a hug, 15 mins to rant and get it out of my system and then we got back to work. What more could I have asked for? (Apparently a day off!)

YANBU

Sianni · 04/09/2007 09:25

I hope people don't think I'm heartless and I like to think that I am fair with my colleagues, but I would have disciplined them for it on their return to work. They all seem happy enough and don't take the mick.

Original poster

meowmix · 04/09/2007 15:01

FBB its different because we're all expats, no family locally so as an employer you have more responsibility because we support them in finding housing and such like in the early days and we're the constant in their lives. Employers also have more control (i.e. my employees can't drive, own a car, leave the country, move apartment, have a bank account, get another job after leaving or drink alcohol without my written permission - enforced by law).

Its also slightly local culture driven - employers are seen as more parental here. Added to that my predecessor is one of those emotional types who just allowed them to get away with it.

OP posts:

LoveAngel · 04/09/2007 15:02

. Are they not even bright enough to lie and say they aren't well? :-)

Budababe · 04/09/2007 15:25

YANBU - I wouldn't have dreamt of asking for time off for a reason like that. (Was clever enough to go in wearing pale foundation and no lippy on ocassion and say I wasn't feeling great and then when I phoned in sick next day nobody was surprised!)

The different culture of working in another country is fun though. DH currently away all week at a training course. I asked why the hell it was 2 hours away when it could be held locally and was told it's because then the local staff don't go. So my DS has no Daddy for a week. My reply was "so sack the buggers". Not politically correct apparently. Although will happen from next year!

foofi · 04/09/2007 15:27

They are walking all over you. Can't believe you accept that as a reason for not working. Are you paying them anyway?

Budababe · 04/09/2007 15:30

OP said she doesn't give them the time off. Just that they ask for it.

Original poster

meowmix · 05/09/2007 07:10

there's a difference between someone asking and someone getting foofi... would be helpful if you read the thread you know!

yeah the different culture thing is what makes it fun and when they are a full pelt its a great team. I don't know whether its just post-summer syndrome thats causing all these breakups but I do know that I don't care!

Cracks whip meaningfully.

OP posts:

Bouncingturtle · 05/09/2007 07:14

You go girl - tell 'em whose boss!!

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