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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is wrong with being alone at Christmas.

84 replies

dottypotter · 12/12/2019 15:27

There is so much around about being alone at Christmas does it matter?

Love to hear stories about being alone and loving it.

Its like being alone is a disease!!!

OP posts:
HoHoHoik · 12/12/2019 15:29

If you want to be alone and are happy being alone then nothing is wrong with it.

If you are feeling isolated and are going to be even more so over Christmas then everything is wrong with it.

kelper · 12/12/2019 15:31

Sometimes I do think Id love to be alone at christmas, just because it turns into a slightly manic day, but I do appreciate its easy for me to say so because I'm not going to be, if that makes sense?
Left to my own devices I am quite solitary, but I work in retail so I have to be chatty and friendly, a day of solitary sounds relaxing!
Christmas is just another day tbh, its nice for DS but once the manic of presents is over we tend to treat it like any other day with a bit more food and drink!

RudolphTheRedNosedTwatCat · 12/12/2019 15:31

I think maybe it's because of the emphasis based around family. We're brought up being told that Christmas is all about family and being together. So maybe this is why there's a belief that being alone is somewhat sad.

I have a family so I can't speak of being alone, but if a person is happy being alone then what does it matter what time of year it is?

TheSandgroper · 12/12/2019 15:34

I don’t know when, if ever, I will have a solitary Christmas. But if I manage to score one, I have it all planned.

Hope lives eternal.

AuntieMarys · 12/12/2019 15:35

I had about 4 Xmas days alone in my 20s through choice and loved it. But then it was my decision...I was invited to spend the day with others but declined.
Hard if you want to spend it with family or friends and are not invited. However some people deserve to be alone because of their behaviour during the year.

Milanimilani · 12/12/2019 15:36

I think its the difference between having a choice or not. I once was looking forwards to a very lonely xmas, so a local church invited me for a lunch. Another time, I was too busy studying. I also like being with family.

Marleyisme · 12/12/2019 15:36

No, there is so much about being alone not through choice at christmas. The problem is with feeling lonely. Not simply being alone.

Add in that Christmas is seen as a time to get together and those who feel lonely, often find it a hard time of year.

Wasnt there a study that showed being lonely, could damage your health?

JacquesHammer · 12/12/2019 15:37

Absolutely nothing wrong with being alone over Christmas if that is your choice to be so.

It isn’t (or shouldn’t be!) hard to understand why people who aren’t making a choice feel lonely and isolated.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 12/12/2019 15:39

Had 3 on my own completely ie not seeing or speaking to another person - not pleasant.

SnuggyBuggy · 12/12/2019 15:40

But it's Christmas! It's famileeeee!!!

No I get you. I don't see why it has to necessarily be worse than being along any other day of the year and for people with difficult family might even be preferable.

PBo83 · 12/12/2019 15:41

As other's have said, I think if you are alone/lonely/isolated then Christmas can make this worse. TV and advertising plays a part portraying the (wholly unrealistic) 'perfect family Christmas'.

I won't be alone this Christmas so not really placed to comment but I think I'd be just fine. Nice lay-in, pop to the pub for a couple at lunchtime, something nice to eat, couple of films with plenty of Whisky and bed at a reasonable time.

In fact...fuck it...family Christmas is cancelled! I'm doing that! (joke)

bridgetreilly · 12/12/2019 15:43

I have thoroughly enjoyed the Christmasses I've spent alone. Much more than the ones I've spent with family, most of the time. One of the best was the one I got to spend with other families, rather than my own.

viccat · 12/12/2019 15:44

I think it's mainly about people who have to be alone, not by choice.

It also highlights how being on your own is seen as an unusual life choice in a society that is all about getting coupled up and having a family.

I've been alone at Xmas for about 10 years now. It's a combination of choice and circumstance. I only have two living relatives and they are abroad so I choose not to travel there. I've previously had invites to join friends for their family Xmas but would not want to do that. I thoroughly enjoy doing Xmas my way, staying at home with my pets, eating what I want, just having time off and relaxing. But it does also remind me of my other life choices - not having kids, not having a partner...

Thestrangestthing · 12/12/2019 15:46

I think it's awful for people who are alone because they have no one, but it must be awful for them all year round, not just at Christmas. Not sure why so much emphasis is put on food, clothes and toy collections etc at this time of year. People need help all through the year.
People who want to be alone on Christmas, I just don't see the problem. It's just another day, and if I didn't have children, I would happily spend it alone, watching films, eating crap or going away abroad somewhere.

Singlemother24 · 12/12/2019 15:46

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Inliverpool1 · 12/12/2019 15:47

My little boy paid for 20 Christmas lunches for the elderly via the Salvation Army this year out of his Christmas money. Extra proud of him because I fear that’ll be me in 20 years time. All my kids are great at languages and none plan to stay in the UK

Purpleartichoke · 12/12/2019 15:48

I also think there is a big difference between being a relatively young person with a healthy body and some disposable income who can choose whatever activity they want for the day is different than someone dealing with health or mobility problems or economic scarcity who has no choice but to spend the day the same way they spent the last.

GreyhoundzRool · 12/12/2019 15:50

I’m having Christmas alone this year. Just me & the dog if that counts as alone. I lost my mum just before Christmas last year & I want to spend the day doing what I want/ dog walking & not having to socialise.

I’m going to friend’s Boxing Day as compromise but I’d be happy to stay at home then too

JamesBlonde1 · 12/12/2019 15:52

Fine if you want that. Most people like to be with loved ones.

Some elderly people are lonely when they don't want to be and can't do much about it. That's a real shame.

ContigoQueen · 12/12/2019 15:54

I had one alone in the twenties - utterly through choice. I ate bad food and watches what I wanted. I then spent Boxing Day with others. I didn’t feel lonely in any way as it was my choice. Not sure some posters are considering the some are not with others, not by choice, and are piling on the bad aspects 🙄

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2019 15:56

As others said this is about what the person wants, but mostly people want to share it with either family or good friends and have a lovely time together,

Spending it alone would potentially indicate something is wrong somewhere for the person that they have no one they would wish to be with, or something with how they are feeling, that they don't want to be with people they love and like.

DarlingNikita · 12/12/2019 15:58

I think it's all about having the choice. I secretly long for a solo Christmas (I usually spend the day with just DP anyway, maybe see friends/family a bit on other days) but I'm pretty sure that if I were forced by circumstance to spend it alone I wouldn't really like it.

Mia1415 · 12/12/2019 15:58

I love being alone (well apart from DS) 360 days of the year. However at Christmas, I really miss not having family around me.

selmabear · 12/12/2019 16:00

Nothing wrong with being alone and enjoying your own company. I'll be spending the majority of christmas eve alone as the kids are with their father until after lunchtime christmas day. When family and friends hear that I'm alone I get so much sympathy its unreal. I'm expected to be really upset and gutted that I'm alone but I'm not, im looking forward for a low key christmas eve and a lie in xmas day, of course I'd love to have my kids but it's their fathers turn this year and I'm not going to let it ruin Christmas. People think I'm heartless, selfish or mad for thinking this way bit I think I'm just making the most of the situation.

AlrightyyThen · 12/12/2019 16:03

I spend my christmas' alone. I have 2 DC that go to their dads before dinner hits so i spend the morning with them til about 10am then i'm on my own for the rest.

I don't have xmas dinner either, except for a few years ago when i was at an ex's. I don't feel sad or lonely though, i grew up having rubbish christmas' and don't treasure the day at all (just want it done and over with).

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