To want a day off from my MIL who seems to be staying with us for ages.....

[Kitsilano]

My MIL is staying with us while her new flat is being decorated. It was initially for a day or 2 but keeps being extended and extended - looks like she will be with us for at least 2 weeks after which we go away for a fortnight. I have a toddler (2.6) and am 6 months pregnant.

She is recognised by all to be "difficult" - to put it politely. She also doesn't help at all - would never cook a meal or empty the dishwasher, do my dd's bath or read a bed time story. I'm even doing her laundry - have drawn the line at ironing. DH works very long hours - usually not back til 8.30pm and I spend the early eveningsa rushing around tidying up, cooking dinner, getting dd to bed etc while she sits with her feet up on the sofa working her way through yet another bottle of our wine.
We had plans for the bank holiday Monday to visit friends but these have fallen through and I have told dh that I really want a day off anyway just us as a family. I can tell by his tone of voice that he thinks this is going to be difficult and he has suggested that we need to "make up" an excuse.

I know other people have much crazier inlaws but is it really so bad to say we just need a day as a family?

I really just want my house back and wish I knew when this was going to happen!

Just a thought - does she know your plans for the bh weekend had fallen through? Go away anyway with dh and dd and tell her you are keeping plans you made as you hadn't realised she would still be here. Put your wine in the boot of your car (petty but who cares!) and go and stay with other friends or family or even a hotel if you have to!

also aside from your family day out I would go out for the day during the week. just announce it and go. if you feel the need to justify why she's not coming just say you;re going to a friend's for lunch. I'd be sorely tempted to leave some ingredients for dinner. "I won;t be back til 6 would you mind doing a quick bolognese - otherwise your (darling) son won't get his dinner til late...everything's in the fridge.. BYEEEE"

Thanks for all the support. It has given me the courage to stand my ground a bit more. My dh has made it clear how stressed even talking about it makes him and how he feels utterly helpless about it. But the problem is that leaves ME having to deal with it and feeling like I am not allowed to raise it with him. A slightly easy out on his part I think.

She doesn't know plans have fallen through so I think we will just carry on as if nothing has changed. (Not sure I can quite go so far as to put the wine in the boot though!). I will also ask her to do specific things to help.

I also think your dh should be questioning her closely about what decorating is being done and how much longer it is likely to take. He could dress it up as concern that her decorators are taking the piss.

My mil is a diamond compared to this. But with dh she totally expects him to wait on her yet with me she offers to help loads and gets on and does stuff herself. Obviously yours doesn't but you might find her more receptive to suggestions from you that she help than from your dh. Agree he is wimping out in a very convenient way but you might actually have more luck...

Agree with bran about dh questioning about the decorating though

Good luck!