Can we tell them not come for Xmas?
Tactful10 · 06/12/2019 21:50
Namechanged. Elderly parents in their 80s, both with mobility problems and dementia. DF's dementia has taken a turn for the worse - he;s got frontal lobe problems which mean he moans out loud a lot of the time, complains constantly, is rude, demanding and whiny.
The expression No Filter could have been invented for both of them. DM is similar, and they fight, but not as deranged as DF.
We are worried that their behaviour - the loud cries of pain (no physical cause, doc says it's attention getting), the fighting, the unfiltered whining - will frighten dcs 16, 18, and 10. It frightens me and DH, and we're both knocking 50.
Can we cancel them? if so, how.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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Rosieposy4 · 06/12/2019 21:58
No you can’t, plus you will regret it later. Prep your kids carefully, tell them your parents are unwell, describe the noises they might make, allow your dc to take time out from the room, but please be kind to your elderly and clearly unwell parents ( unless massive untold backstory of unkindness to you in earlier times ).
Muchtoomuchtodo · 06/12/2019 22:01
How far away do they live? How often do your dc see them?
Surely your dc are aware that their grandparents are unwell and that exceptions need to be made and understanding shown?
Can they just join you for Christmas dinner so that they see their family but aren’t with you for the full day.
IdiotInDisguise · 06/12/2019 22:05
Where are they now is the question. When it came to very elderly relatives, mine moaned more for not being at their usual place than anything else.
With time we realised they were happier with us visiting them for a short time rather than hauling them away from their routines and familiar environment.
Another aspect to consider is that dementia doesn’t make it easier on the date, with many of them feeling worse and more unsettled in the afternoon/evening.
SomeoneBurntTheToastAgain · 06/12/2019 22:13
Is this for real? What a nasty post. You can't look after your elderly parents and let them sit at the same table as you for one freaking day?
Your kids are 18, 16 and 10... and you're frightened that they'll get upset? At those ages? Were they raised wrapped up in cotton wool? Or do they have severe learning disabilities?
Maybe your kids will treat you the same way one day, who knows?
IdiotInDisguise · 06/12/2019 22:15
Have you asked them, recently, if they want to come? You can just say something as simple as, would you like to come for 4 days or would you prefer us to visit you over the weekend?
9 days is too much, for them and you, even if the didn’t have dementia.
Muchtoomuchtodo · 06/12/2019 22:17
9 days is a long time and for someone with dementia, it could well cause their behaviour to become more difficult for you and your family to cope with.
Could you make their visit shorter?
It sounds as if they may need some support. Have your dp got the capacity to make decisions for things like his care for themselves?
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