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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect mother-in-law to baby sit when...

50 replies

casbie · 16/08/2007 10:05

she has bought cinema tickets for my birthday, for me and my hubby?

she just phoned today (tickets are for sat) to say that they are going away on sat and sun and what would hubby like for his birthday? oh, and we can babysit on his birthday!

feel a little like i've been kicked in the teeth.

got till sat to find a babysitter now and feeling quite cross with his parents!

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 16/08/2007 10:49

is a bit weird to buy something like that without asking you to let her know av day when you would be able to get childcare sorted, I agree.
I do think she may have specified a day because she anticipated you would ask her and she didn't want to do it but wanted an excuse.
Can you switch the tickets?

flowerybeanbag · 16/08/2007 10:53

And I do stand by my comment about wanting grandparents on call for childcare. I can see why you are a bit frustrated but I really don't think it's on to expect free childcare at any time. Annoying I know, but you are v lucky to have someone near enough and willing to at least babysit occasionally.

Sheherazadethegoat · 16/08/2007 10:54

yanbu - i normally am on the side of the 'oh for gods sake they don't have to babysit for ' school but a pair of cinema tickets without babysitting is a shitey present.

can you change them to another day?

morningpaper · 16/08/2007 10:56

yes it is a bit shitey and I am the first to shout at people for taking grandparents for granted

I would go with a friend - then when she asks why, you can explain so it doesn't happen again

Original poster
casbie · 16/08/2007 10:57

regular babysitter is away this week.

will try to get friend's daughter to do instead (untested).

luckily the show (harry potter!!!) is still on at our local till next thursday - will try and get days transfered if all goes to pot.

thanks everyone,

calmed down a bit now.

OP posts:
prettybird · 16/08/2007 10:58

I agree with Lemonaid. Strange present without having checked with you beforehand that yuo could get a babysitter, if they weren't going to do it themselves. But there was also an onus on you to check and not assume (although an understandable mistake).

Can you change the cinema tickets to your dh's birthday, when you already know that they'll babysit?!

hercules1 · 16/08/2007 11:17

I agree with morning paper. Not really fair gettting you a present knowing you've got 3 kids and they wont be around to babysit.

kslatts · 16/08/2007 11:46

I don't think you should expect her to babysit. But, if she wasn't going to offer then she should have checked with your dh that finding a babysitter wouldn't be a problem before buying them. Or maybe she intends for your DH to look after your dc's while you go to the cinema with a friend.

rookiemum · 16/08/2007 12:09

YANBU. Unless you live in Central London cinema tickets are £6.50 each or something around that.

Cost of a babysitter using an agency or anything other than a teenager that you know already would be at least £15.00 -£20.00, and I'm guessing you don't have a cheap babysitter option otherwise this wouldn't be such a big issue.

Any chance you can ring up the cinema to see if you can change the night to when your MIL are back and try to arrange it for then ?

Doesn't sound like she did it deliberately but I think with 3 kids she could understand the implications.

Original poster
casbie · 16/08/2007 12:13

honestly it's not the money.

but as you've pointed out, the tickets were £6 each and i now have to pay £20 for a babysitter that i haven't tried out yet!!

OP posts:
rookiemum · 16/08/2007 12:42

If it were me I'd probably not bother going, arrange a night she can baby sit then go then, after all it will be cheaper (although I know its not the money)

Lorayn · 16/08/2007 12:46

I don't think you should have assumed it, but I can totally understand why you would have thought it would be happening.

twentypence · 16/08/2007 20:08

Take a friend. Dh can stay home as it was his mother that bought half a present. And when you have 3 children a night out without a babysitter is half a present.

mummytoamonkey · 17/08/2007 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dropdeadfred · 17/08/2007 08:59

I would go with a friend...after all it's your bday treat ( dh will get his own WITH babysitter on his own bday)

Although I wouldn't ever expect someone would/should babysit I would probably have assume on this occasion!!

belgo · 17/08/2007 09:04

YANBU . if she bought the tickets for a specific day, and didn't give you much notice to find a babysitter, then I think it's reasonable to assume she'd help out.

I think it's a bit silly of her to buy you the tickets for you and your dh then not help out with babysitting.

belgo · 17/08/2007 09:05

she should have bought open ended tickets, giving you a chance to organise a babysitter.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/08/2007 10:15

Agree that open ended tickets or a cinema voucher would have been better but I do think you were being unreasonable to assume she was sitting.

Go with a friend and have a good time, you can always go to the cinema with hubby another time when you do have a sitter.

IcingOnTheCake · 17/08/2007 10:31

I think YANBU because surely she should have thought before she bought you the tickets whether or not you would find a baby sitter at short notice. She knew she was going away so therfore knew she counldn't sit herself.

She should have arranged with you on a day when you could get a sitter or given you the money for the tickets so then you could go on a night that suited you.

Eddas · 17/08/2007 10:39

well i think if they are normally the babysitters on a night out, as in there's no one else you'd ask(as is the case for me) then YANBU. Since she bought the tickets and would've known you'd have no one else to ask.

TBH, buying someone with children tickets to the cinema knowing they'd need a babysitter, i'd kinda expect the giver of the tickets to at least consider the babysitting. And if it was MIL then would probably assume they were saying they'd babysit. But I probably would've said at the time of recieving the tickets something along the lines of 'so are you offering to babysit then' in a kinda light hearted way so they could say no, IYSWIM!

portonovo · 17/08/2007 15:56

I think she was being unreasonable, not because she can't/won't babysit, but because she seemingly (?) chose the day for your night out without consultation or checking it was OK with you. Cinema vouchers to be used any night would be another matter.

skidoodle · 17/08/2007 16:30

I think it's really weird to buy someone tickets for a particular film on a particular night without asking them. It's even more weird if that person has 3 kids and you're basically making an arrangement for them that means they have to arrange a babysitter.

I don't think you can really expect her to babysit without offering, but it's very odd to give you this kind of "present" without offering.

mummytoamonkey · 18/08/2007 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spidermama · 18/08/2007 11:59

YABU BUT the present wasn't very well thought through.

You should try dealing with my kids four grand parents. They never help, ever.

NineUnlikelyTales · 18/08/2007 12:08

YANBU. Your MIL is odd because

  1. Buying tickets for the cinema on your birthday means that she has decided what you will do on your birthday, not you and

  2. She must have known that you would have to find/pay for a babysitter, and that this could be costly and

  3. She has been so tactless as to repeat the scenario with your DH except this time she IS prepared to complete the deal with babysitting

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