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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that 6 is old enough to feed themselves.

43 replies

thelady · 15/08/2007 19:28

Mum, Dad, 6-yo son and 9-mo daughter staying in hotel. Breakfast was cut up for son, and when he stopped eating, mum fed him.... Apparently it takes too long to let him feed himself

WTF?

OP posts:

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 22:17

Maybe being in an uncommon environment was putting him off his breakfast and his parents had a full day planned so wanted to make sure he was properly nourished? I sometimes cut up my 6yo DD's food for her, if it is tough, like sausages or bacon, but I haven't had to feed her for years. Also with a new nine month old baby, it could be that he is reacting to having a new sister and likes to be 'babied' ?

Blu · 15/08/2007 22:26

mmm, but if you have a child who is keen on food and eating, and is happy to sit and eat, it's v different from one who is off as soon as the first 3 forkfuls have taken the edge off their hunger and any further interest.
As I have only recently learned to control my own urge to feed Ds (just 6) as he loses all interest after forkful 4, I do have some sympathy....it's the kind of thing you would sort out with the help of a wise MN thread and some encouraging common sense, but I wouldn't be concerning myself about what someone i don't know is doing unless it is harmful to the child, and certainly not to the point of conducting a mini-audit of what the child has consumed.
thelady, I think 'WTF' does come with a whiff of judgementalim. I'd be in gale-force judgmental mode if i was saying it, anyway!

Niecie · 15/08/2007 22:29

My DS has just turned 7 and has only now begun to use a knife and fork more often than his fingers. He is still caught out frequently holding his cutlery but putting things in his mouth with his fingers. I am sure that in the last year we have cut things like sausages up for him - they are slippery little critters when they start rolling around the plate.

But he also has dyspraxia although to look at him you wouldn't know. It seems likely that at the very least this child is not very coordinated. As for feeding him I can see a circumstance where I would shovel food into him if we were in a hurry.

The whole scenario doesn't seem that unlikely to me. It is a bit worrying though, that my concerns that people are watching us when we eat out are justified. Should he wear a big badge to let people know he has a problem so they don't judge him as backward and DH and I as bad parents?

Original poster

thelady · 15/08/2007 22:30

Look. I asked! I asked if a 6-yo should be capable of cutting up breakfast and feeding themselves. Turns out that my limited experience isn't enough, and there's lots of people who do/have done the same.

I wasn't judging the mum - the kids were both lovely - just wondering if my experience was typical, and it turns out it isn't. In case you hadn't noticed, it wasn't me who suggested that 'finishing everything on your plate' might be parent-imposed and could potentially lead to issues with food.

Whoof!

OP posts:

Speccy · 15/08/2007 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Speccy · 15/08/2007 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rachmumoftwo · 15/08/2007 22:35

I think it may have been the shocked face and 'WTF?' that got people's backs up. All kids do these things at different rates, and there are many who do not eat regular meals at a table, or don't eat away from their home environment very often, or for whatever reason, may need a bit of support and encouragement with their food. There are others who master the knife and fork very young, and Chinese children actually master chopsticks earlier on average than Western children get the hang of a knife and fork. Just a point of interest I read somewhere. I tested it on my 2 and they are fab with chopsticks. Maybe because they only have to co-ordinate the one hand?

HorseyWoman · 15/08/2007 22:35

I can't believe you were paying SO much attention that you had even knew how much of what he was eating

I am a nanny (soon-to-be-teacher), and in all my jobs I have had children with food issues as some point, SN or not. Sometimes they have an off day, sometimes children's and parents' wishes conflict and parents or carers want children to eat more than they want to eat. Sometimes children are tired or decide to play up. Sometimes parents or carers feel a bit ratty and decide to start shovelling food down the child. It doesn't mean the child is being molly-coddled; neither does it mean that the child is stupid, maldeveloped or anything else.

If he were 16 and the mother had done this, and there were no SN present, THEN it would be an obvious concern to those close to the child, and may flag up to strangers.

Do you own the hotel then? I only ask because you know the children's ages and stuff.

HorseyWoman · 15/08/2007 22:41

Oh yes, just seen you own the hotel, so I can understand you knowing their ages and what they ate. Sorry. But anyway, if I stayed in a hotel and thought for a minute I was being judged by the hotelier for my PARENTING abilities, I would be out of there and would not go back. Neither would my friends probably. Not your place. Having said that, I may be being harsh as I am assuming you didn't go up to the parents and say 'you're sh!t parents, don't you think he should be feeding himself?!'.

HorseyWoman · 15/08/2007 22:45

Absolutely fuming at the cuddly mum comment. FFS. What a stupid comment to make. She is big so she is more likely to want her son to eat up? Sorry, but most parents I know have wanted their children to eat up so that they grow 'big and strong', have healthy bones, teeth, skin, hair, nails... So that they can concentrate, play, enjoy life. What a stupid, judgmental thing to say. Please God I don't end up in your hotel. You'd love me! 'Fat woman eats THREE sausages for breakfast. Shouldn't she be cutting back!?'

LilyLoo · 15/08/2007 22:47

Maybe if you were just wondering it should have gone in the 'chat' thread and not this one as it is fundamentally a judgemental thread is it not ?

MyMILisDoloresUmbridge · 15/08/2007 23:14

Ds2 has dyspraxia, is very bright and articulate and yes, would have difficulty cutting up his food. Would hate to think we'd be judged for it while eating out.

Original poster

thelady · 15/08/2007 23:26

Ok. Sorry. I'm relatively new to mumsnet and didn't realise that this was an 'I want a fight' thread area.

I'm cuddly (very cuddly!) myself, so I really really really wouldn't be judging on that, and I realise now that the emoticons gave an impression I hadn't intended.

I was shocked (as in surprised in an unexpected way) - as he seemed such an independent, bright, chatty kid - but now thanks to you lot I understand a lot better about what the (many and various) reasons might have been.

Again. I didn't intend to come across as judging her parenting style - we've had a lot of kids staying over the past fortnight and it's been a lot of fun talking to parents about their experiences of holidaying with little people.

Over and out.

OP posts:

Blu · 15/08/2007 23:29

Rachmumoftwo · 15/08/2007 23:38

This is quite tame, I would keep away from the working mum/ stay at home mum threads, and anything on breastfeeding for a while, until you are feeling really brave. I have been on mumsnet ages and still too scared to post on those- lol. But we are mostly nice when you get to know us, don't be put off!

3andnomore · 15/08/2007 23:50

Hm..only read part of the thread until you dicribed what the child had already eaten....is the family overweight? Do they maybe expect their child to eat to much...because by your discription the child in question had already eatne loads, tbh...hmmm

TooTicky · 15/08/2007 23:55

I often have to feed ds2 (5) the tail end of his meal. But he eats. He used to eat worryingly little. I don't think it is fair to judge.

3andnomore · 15/08/2007 23:55

Hmmm..so. the child has actually eat a good breakfast there before being helped...so...no you are not unreasonable, that is just weird a bit....
if child could not eat byse themselfs, it would have bee apparent anyway, and if child had eaten hardly anything one would understand that parents try...but for a 6 year old that child ate a good portion for breakfast all by themselfs and was happy to go off to play therefore the problem lay with teh parents for whatever reason....

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